Last Night of ReEngage (at LakePointe, anyway)

I love my church. 

I love all the pastors and teaching pastors that have come and gone. I love the teaching. I love the life groups we've been a part of. I love the large group-small group-growth group/accountability model that has helped us connect deeply with several other couples over the last 19 years. I love the mission trips. I love the adoption ministry. I love women's Bible studies. I love women's ministry. I love my writer's group. 

But the ministry closest to my heart is a ministry called ReEngage. There are no words to describe the impact that ReEngage has had on me personally and on my marriage. ReEngage puts the verse James 5:16 "Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" into real live action. This ministry creates an atmosphere of transparency, honesty, vulnerability, and authenticity that I have never seen anywhere else, and such an atmosphere gives people a chance to surrender their issues to God and let Him redeem them because they know they're not alone. Shame grows in the dark, when we hide our mistakes and struggles rather than admit to them, but when you confess your sins to others in a safe atmosphere, you give strength, courage, and resolve to someone else who may struggle with the same thing. We need accountability, not isolation, to fight our demons. The more we cover up and even deny that we have problems or have made mistakes, the easier it is to let them go unresolved and thus tear us apart. And every time our pride gets in the way, we deprive someone else of knowing they're not the only one with their particular struggle. I can't tell you how much I've learned, grown, been challenged, convicted, changed, and inspired by the people I've met here at ReEngage. 

Cole, our weekly worship leader every Wednesday night

Tim and Monica, our fearless leaders who led us while they walked through their own fire. We also got to be in a Lifegroup with them for a year when we switched back to the main campus after COVID.  Love them and so honored to know them.

The pastor of LakePointe Espanol who shared his testimony so vulnerably and courageously this last week. The transparency in our leaders is amazing. 

A few faces from our ReGroup, a group of couples that already went through the whole program and just wanted to keep meeting weekly to stay on the right track. There are no words to describe how much these people (and a few who left before we took the picture) have meant to me and challenged me. 

I hated the circumstances that led us back to ReEngage three years ago, but I honestly wouldn't want to change them for all that we've learned and gained through being part of it for the last three years. Every church needs a ReEngage program. People need to know that the church isn't full of perfect people with perfect reputations. No wonder so many marriages fail. People struggle in isolation, wondering why it's so hard for them and not everyone else. But when you walk into a room and hear people confess their struggles, especially in marriage, you know you belong and are safe. You don't have to hide for fear of being judged. On the contrary, they offer grace and stand ready to help restore you and help you find a better way. It's a lot more inspiring to follow a leader who admits their struggles and mistakes than one who hides them and pretends they have it all together. 

If you find out that a church near you has a ReEngage program, rearrange your schedule and GO! I found a couple not too terribly far from where we're headed. I hope our new schedules will let us at least check them out in the near future. 

Widows and orphans

 James 1:27--Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. 

In the midst of all of our exciting adventures coming up, my heart has also been touched with deep sadness in several lives around me. Several of my dearest friends have dealt with the heartache of losing their spouse too soon. 

A coworker lost her husband several years ago just days after their baby entered the world. She's an incredible survivor and has come so, so far due to the community of support all around her, but I still pray for her daily. I can't imagine the pain she still faces on a daily basis without him.

Another coworker lost her husband pretty unexpectedly this last year, and though I watched her sob at the funeral, she still mustered the strength to put a smile on her face and come back to work. I pray for her every morning because I can't imagine the loneliness she feels going home to an empty house each day. 

A friend lost her husband through an unexplainable tragedy, and I've watched her sift through every stage of grief, jumping back and forth through anger, heartache, and despair. Yet she's found the strength to pick up and move forward, making a new life for herself and her child. 

Friday I spent the morning with a friend whose husband just came home from the hospital on hospice, as cancer continues to eat away at his earthly body, destroying the dreams they had of high school sweethearts growing old together.  She's absolutely depleted in strength right now, both emotionally and physically. My heart aches for her as she tries to keep a brave face, but she's falling apart inside. Shattered, wondering why God did not choose to heal him on this side of eternity. I feel so helpless, but I wrap her in prayer daily. I don't know if I'll still be here to support her when she has to plan his funeral, but she'll always have my prayer support. 

I left her house on Friday, glancing in the bedroom at a man who's still present in the home but on the verge of leaving this world to meet Jesus. wondering how to feel, only to drive across town to attend the funeral of another coworker's spouse who didn't end up making it out of the hospital. She stood with such strength, supporting her family, her children who just lost an amazing, kind, and caring father. Yet my heart swelled with gratitude to see so many friends and family rallying around her, even many past coworkers I hadn't seen in years. It showed that when you love others deeply, they never forget it. She loves others deeply, and now it's our turn to return that love. I will likely see her one more time before I leave.

In less than two weeks, I'm headed out to live closer to my mother-in-law, who also recently found herself living alone after almost 49 years. While we celebrated Father's Day here, she spent the day visiting her husband's grave and also missing her own father who left this earth within the last two years. Watching from a distance as my father-in-law's health declined, I felt so helpless. Now I will have a chance to love on her, grow close to her, and support her in this stage of life. 

And then there's my son, the one we adopted 9 years ago, who is about to launch himself into independent living, moving into his own apartment in just a few days. It's been exciting to be part of the search for his own place and then to shop with him and hear him verbalize how he wants everything to look and feel. Having been adopted at the age of 15, we didn't have much (or any) influence over his specific tastes or styles. He's always seen and wanted things very different than they were in our home, plus he's very much an artist and sees the world through a different lens than we do. Where we see function and frugality, he sees imbalance and unrest. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about his tastes, styles, and the "look" he wants his apartment to have. And I'm so proud of him for how far he's come in the last year, establishing himself financially. But my heart also sees the hurt his heart carries right now, knowing he's on his own and won't be coming home to family every night. I hope he doesn't feel a sense of abandonment all over again, though I know it's inevitable. I'm so torn over leaving him, excited for this new chapter for him, knowing it's time, but also wishing I didn't have to be going so far away. 

I know God used his presence in my life over the last fourteen years to truly understand and have empathy for the orphan. I don't know what backgrounds my new students will be coming from. but I know their stories are going to have a similar theme of abandonment and trauma, so parenting my son was definite preparation to reach the students God is now sending my way. 

Watching my sweet friends and coworkers lose their spouses and walking beside them in that grief was obvious preparation for how to support and love my mother-in-law in the year ahead. And perhaps also some of the mothers of my new students. 

It's all also a reminder to love, respect, and cherish my own husband because we never know when God might take them from us. This whole move is really about him and making the sacrifice necessary to allow him to become the man and leader God created him to be. The position at New Song was God's way of showing that he cared about my heart's desire, as well, and has a plan for me, too. But He has made it pretty clear to me that this move is about obedience and submission on my part so I can get "out of the way" for him to raise my husband up after several defeating, humbling years. If I've learned anything in three years of ReEngage, it's that. 

So, in obedience, I'm leaving behind very close widows and orphans in my life in order to support widows and orphans somewhere else. I'm torn, but I'm ready to see what God has in store. 

A week to be remembered

 What a week it's been. Sitting here on my couch this morning trying to process it all, wondering, "Did this all really happen in one week?"

I started out the week on Sunday morning taking bags of clothes to Goodwill after the garage sale, trying to come up with some sort of plan to celebrate Father's Day. The house was still no where near ready for the realtor to come take pics the next day, and Mike unfortunately had to work all day. Juan wanted to celebrate Mike, and I wanted to "protect" Mike from any added activities, knowing he needed every last minute he had that evening after work to get the yard done and still work on cleaning up the garage and driveway. I could feel the weight of his stress, but I had a really hard time communicating that to Juan, who just wanted to do something fun with his dad.

We took him lunch at work as soon as he told us he could take a break, and the boys worked hard together to clean up the front and back porches to give Mike a little relief. While they worked, I went to go visit my own Dad, thankful for one more opportunity to live close by on Father's Day. 

After I spent time with my mom and dad, I left and worked a tiny bit more on the house until Mike got off work, and we took him out to Spring Creek Barbecue for a nice, manly Father's Day dinner. We assured him he had time to take the break because the boys had finished a lot of the work he needed to do. All he needed to do was mow the lawn in back and finish up the garage/driveway. 

So we enjoyed a nice dinner together, but you could read the stress all over Mike's face when we arrived home just as it started to storm. This was no-bueno at all. Thankfully it didn't last long, but it definitely did add a lot of stress to the simple task of mowing the yard and having it ready for the next morning. Mike and David were then out in the driveway until way past midnight getting things as organized and presentable as possible (please understand that after he brought back all of his dad's tools after the funeral and then got swamped with work after taking three weeks off, it's been a huge mess back there). 

Sometime over that same weekend, our dryer broke, too, but with Mike as swamped as he's been, we pushed that to the side. Juan and I dried two loads of clothes at the laundromat across the street, and my mom let me come over and wash/dry two more loads of clothes on Monday after the realtor left. We sat outside on her porch and worked on some crafting stuff together while we waited for my clothes to wash and dry. It was actually a very nice, quiet, unplanned afternoon with my parents. 

Funny thing, I ran through my full schedule for the week with my mom, telling her all about my doctor's appointment, my plan to hang out with Mike and David on Wednesday when the house officially went on the market and we waited for showings to be scheduled, hanging out with a friend in Rockwall on Thursday, and attending a funeral on Friday. I definitely wouldn't have time to hang out with my mom more during the week, so I wanted her to understand why. 

But God apparently had other plans for my week. I got up for my doctor's appointment on Tuesday morning, expecting to come back within a hour or so to give me the rest of the day to finish up any last minute house prep before it went on the market the next day, like cleaning the ceiling fans, clean the bathroom, declutter a little more, pack a little more, etc. 

I'm glad I picked comfortable clothes that morning because that's all I wore for the next two full days as I sat in a hospital bed before I ever made it back home from that original doctor's appointment. An appointment I originally had scheduled for June 10th before I realized I still had to work that full day and so rescheduled for the next available date on the 22nd. Little did I know that I'd be battling an infection in my leg on the 22nd and would need that doctor to PUSH me to go to the ER. The way God works out details far in advance is always so comforting and humbling. We may think we're in control of our daily lives, but we really never are. 

I got home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon just long enough to shower and change, only to have to leave for most of the afternoon and evening due to multiple house showings. I pretty much couldn't go home to relax until after 8:30 that night. Then we had to be out of the house by 8:00 the next morning while they showed the house literally all day. We had so many showings and received multiple offers within the first 24 hours that they decided to cut everything off by Friday at 4:00 so we could look through the offers and make a decision. The one good thing about getting kicked out of your house for two days was getting a few extra coffee/card dates with Mike and David (Juan went to the gym) or randomly hanging out with a close friend I haven't been able to see in awhile.

Friday evening our realtor sent us all the offers, and then we talked on the phone with her at 9:30 at night to decide what we wanted to do. We received ten total offers, with the lowest being right at asking price, a few between 10-20 thousand over, and one being way higher, but seemingly a little fishy. We decided to give it till morning to get more information from that person, but never did get the confirmation we needed. However, in the time we waited to hear from him, another strong cash offer came through, $20,000 above our asking price, with a very quick closing date at precisely the date we hoped for but didn't think could happen, the day before we were already hoping to move. Only God. So here I sit, Saturday afternoon, with a contract already signed by both parties. Their option period ends on Friday, so it's not a done deal, but if they don't find any reason to back out, then we close just a few days later. No other offer could close before we wanted to leave. 

I'm just in awe of God and His timing in everything. Literally everything. Juan's car accident three weeks ago totaling his car, leaving him carless and forcing him to stay home a bit more, depend on us a bit more for transportation, and spend more time with us. The insurance settlement coming through right at the time we were looking to switch him to his own insurance, right as he's getting ready to move into his own apartment. The apartment he found, on his own, without a car, right down the road from his work, with a move-in date just a few days before we also hoped to be moving. The way my friend posted something on facebook right as school ended that led me to seek her advice as a realtor friend. The way her colleague in our area was able to meet with us the very next morning. The fishy offer that held us off on accepting other offers on Friday night to give the last offer time to come through on Saturday morning. The way the housing market is in our area right now, allowing us to sell our house as-is for way more than we paid for it. Even the cat bite and the unexpected hospital stay, forcing me to get out of God's way and let Him do His thing. 

So, I did a little last-time baking this afternoon so I could start packing up the kitchen. Between using some gift cards a friend gave us and buying several ready-made meals, I don't think I'll be needing to cook much from here on out. 

I know a lot of hard goodbyes lay ahead and likely more hardships. I can work hard to avoid every pitfall and do "all the right things", make all the safe choices, but I can't avoid those freak accidents like getting bit by my own cat while trying to come to his rescue or by tripping on the sidewalk and bruising my ribs (that kinda happened three days before school started, just like the cat bite happened three days after school ended). Or the truck that changed lanes and didn't see Juan's car in that lane. 

With the way this last week went, I think I'll refrain from saying I have a plan for the week ahead. I think I'm just gonna wait and see what God has planned. 

But I do think I'll do some laundry some time soon. Once the house showings stopped, Mike finally pulled out the dryer and fixed it. :)

At peace

When you e-mail your new boss to cancel a zoom conference meeting because you're in the hospital, and you get a response like this:

We will be praying for your health and for the Lord to help you and your husband through this huge transition as you navigate the move and deal with the obstacles and difficulties. “Now may the Lord of peace Himself continually grant you peace in every circumstance.” (2 Thess 3:16) 

Can I just reiterate how thankful I am to be joining this kind of team for my work environment? Camp is getting ready to start next week at the New Song campus (where they attract the interest of most of their students for the year), so I've been able to be in touch with the camp director and let her know I've been praying for her. Reminds me a lot of our Mexico team back when I was interning there the summer before I graduated from college. One body, one team, one purpose, all different parts working together for one goal--for kids to know Christ. 

On another note, there's been quite a bit of activity on our house that hasn't even been live for 24 hours yet. Two good offers already and still at least four more showings yet today. I guess all I've heard about the housing market right now is as true as they've said. No better time to have to sell your home quickly. I'm so grateful for God's guidance on how to go about putting it on the market and leading us to this realtor.

God always leads us down the right path, even if it feels a bit wrong sometimes. A hospital stay in my very limited amount of time before moving, while putting my house on the market, was NOT in my plan and felt very wrong. But God gave me a very real peace this morning that I am right where I am supposed to be, alone in a quiet hospital room hooked up to antibiotics dripping into my system. I don't understand it, but I feel peace about it. And I'm thankful I'm not in the middle of school right now. So maybe the timing isn't so bad after all. Canceling a lunch date and a couple appointments isn't nearly as stressful as preparing for a sub in your class for more than a day. AND I'm already almost done packing, except for my summer clothes, my toiletries, and my kitchen. 

Today I'm thankful for the peace and quiet, for sleeping well last night between my last antibiotic treatment at midnight till my next one this morning at four, for a yummy breakfast of blueberry pancakes, and for a Christian realtor we can trust to guide us through this house sale very quickly and efficiently while I sit in a hospital bed waiting for a doctor to check my leg again. First doctor seemed very pleased and confident I can go home. Waiting on the infectious disease doctor to come take a look and agree. :) Still have one more treatment schedule later this morning. I got up this morning to change into clean undergarments that Mike brought me, to brush out my hair, and clean up a bit. Thanks to my mom for bringing me deodorant! At least I look and smell a little better now. 

I'm also thankful that the insurance finally settled things with Juan's car accident that actually put him in a better place financially than he was, and I'm thankful to know he found and was officially approved for a really nice apartment close to his work and close to family. I hate going so far away from my boys, but I'm thankful they will have each other close. 

Well, I think David's coming up for a visit soon. The house has two different three different showings over the next two hours! Still praying for the next owner to feel the presence of God out on that porch just like I have. 

Two green circles outlining where the inflammation was when I came in, now with just small circles of red around the bites themselves. No more pain to the touch. I can sit in all positions again, and I look forward to going for walks again. 

Not my agenda, but Yours

 A little over a year ago, I connected with an acquaintance at church who soon became a friend. We found out that we attended the same ReEngage group on Wednesday nights and the same Life Group on Saturday nights at our church, and we both shared our testimonies in class. We grew closer and closer through a deep, spiritual connection. Now we're both in a different Life Group together and have an incredible bond of prayer between us. She hungers and thirsts for God like few people in my life, and when she speaks, I can really sense the Holy Spirit speak to me through her. 

A few weeks ago, she told me that God really pressed on her heart to start seeking HIS agenda for each day rather than her own. She said it was a real game-changer and really started to free her from the stress of always having to be in control.

There have been more than just a few times when I've adopted her new idea and seen it change my own attitude about something I might have been extremely upset and frustrated over. Somehow knowing God already has an agenda planned for my day takes the stress of accomplishing my own list off of me, and also opens my heart to a few divine appointments with people I would have missed. And you know what? I find a sense of peace and calm in chaos that I never could have found before.

So on the days I remember, I am trying to make it a point to ask God to reveal his agenda for my day, to help me be aware of it and remember that it always trumps my plan. Even when it doesn't make any sense.

Let's just say that yesterday and today were two of those days.

Sunday morning hit me hard when I realized I've only got about two weeks until I move away. I figured last week I would focus on the garage sale and getting the house ready, and then once it went on the market, I could schedule last minute lunch and coffee dates with friends. 

Then my sweet kitty bit me when I tried to rescue him after finding him hanging upside down by a cord in the window, and it (the bite) didn't heal like it should have. So every time I went to make a plan, the question--should I go to the ER to get this checked?--always lingered in my mind. I tried my best to convince myself it was improving, ever so slowly, and went about my business. Then yesterday morning, after I asked God for his agenda for my day, I left quickly in the morning for a quick appointment with the cardiologist, knowing it was my last cardiologist appointment here. I hoped she'd see that I was doing well and would release me. After that, I hoped to call up a friend that I promised a lunch date with soon. 

But, my cardiologist (who did basically release me) took one look at my ever-so-slowly-healing infected bite marks on my leg and said a week of antibiotics should have cleared that infection up much more by now. She insisted I see someone, either by a doc or at an ER that day. So even though I couldn't get an appointment with any of the doctors in my doctor's office, I drove there anyway to see if someone would see me. There weren't any doctors available to see me, but the nurse practictioners came out to look at my leg and said I needed to go to the ER. I'd been praying for clarity about going to the ER, so I guess God gave me that clarity. 

I drove myself to the ER, explained the situation, and had several doctors and nurses check out my leg. They all agreed with my cardiologist--a week of antibiotics should have cleared it up much more by now. All I kept hearing was, "Cat bites are the worst and are very dangerous." Apparenty, cats carry a lot of different bacteria than other animals, and apparently, not getting this healed quickly was not a good idea. Other underlying problems could arise that may be very hard to get rid of later. 

However, I didn't like the sound of, "We're going to admit you and keep you overnight for observation while we give you IV antibiotics." I was not looking forward to spending my entire day and night in the ER/hospital. Nor did I even want to think about the bills after I'd JUST paid the last month's payment from all my medical issues last year. Now we just start them all over. Ugh. But as my husband says, your health comes first. I definitely can't move out of state and change insurances, doctors, etc. and have a lingering infection in my leg that just won't clear up and heal already. 

I spent most of the day in a room in the ER, hooked up to an IV with antibiotics going straight into my right hand. Ouch! I could hardly do anything with just my left hand, and I couldn't move my fingers on my right hand without it hurting and pinching where they stuck me. Thankfully, David came to keep me company and brought my phone charger, some lunch, some SKIP-BO cards, and my computer. He cued it up so we could watch one of our favorite shows all day long. David left around dinner time, and by the time Mike got off work late that night, I was already upstairs in my own room. He brought me a backpack and some extra underclothes, and we got to visit for a little bit while they gave me more antibiotics.

I assumed I'd go home Wednesday morning, and I looked forward to Mike having the day off so he and David and I could do something fun together during the day before we got to go to our second to last ReEngage that night. We hadn't been there in three weeks, so we really looked forward to seeing everyone. Plus, it's just a really great group that we're going to miss very, very much. What we've learned about marriage through this group is absolutely priceless. 

Also, our house went on the market today, so I wanted to make sure it was completely ready and picked up for any showings!

But, God had a different agenda for me today. Despite the first doctor saying my leg had improved enough to release me and give me oral antibiotics to finish at home, the infectious diseases doctor said I needed a full 48 hours of IV antibiotics because they go straight into my system, whereas your body only absorbs 40-60% of oral antibiotics. Improvement wasn't enough for this guy. He wanted to see complete healing from all infection. So I settled myself in for another day and night here in the hospital. Definitely not where I want to be, and it also means I had to cancel a lunch date with a friend tomorrow and another appointment tomorrow afternoon all because I have no idea what time they'll release me (and I haven't showered or changed since yesterday morning). It's not like I came prepared to stay for a couple days or anything. 

Time is ticking and my remaining days in Texas are few. This is the last place I want to spend those days. But somehow I've remained calm and at total peace, even when nothing makes sense about this freak  predicament or timing. I have enjoyed getting to know all the nurses and working with them. I've enjoyed having visitors, and I've enjoyed getting several messages about realtors showing my house to prospective buyers. I think God is trying to let me get out of his way so he can do his thing. From here, it's easier to watch rather than trying to control it all. 

I don't know why my cat had to fall off the windowsill and get his foot caught. I don't know why it had to happen when the boys were outside so I was the only one to run to his rescue. I don't know why I didn't think of a smarter way to handle him so he didn't turn and bite me in his distress. I don't know why I didn't realize my feverish sluggishness the next day wasn't related to the bite. I don't know why the first antibiotics weren't effective for me. I don't know why the second ones weren't working well, either. I don't know why I had to spend the so much time and money in a 2 day hospital stay rather than being able to catch up with friends.  

But I do know that I prayed for clarity on whether or not to be seen, and God used my six month cardiologist appointment to give me that clarity. This wasn't on my agenda, but it was on His agenda for my day yesterday and today. I suppose tomorrow will worry about itself. I know I can't go home before noon because there's already two house showings back to back before then.

Me in the room in the ER after David brought me my Lakepointe Church blanket. 

Brisket and garlic roasted vegetables for dinner

Me just chilling by myself in a very quiet room.

Thankful for the tub of mixed nuts that my friend Martha surprised me with today.

Me thankful for the decaf coffee I found in the waiting room

Me not liking how the IV feels in my hand (they later switched it to my arm, which made a world of difference--thus why I can type now and actually write on my blog). 

Me hoping that redness will continue to go down so much that it completely disappears after all this effort.

It's official

Seems like I'm walking on this yellow brick road, and everything is falling into place at just the right time, despite the fact that I don't know how it ever will. So I keep walking the path in front of me. 

Mike has said all along that he thought we needed to move close to the first week of July, so we made it our goal to have the house ready enough by June 1st to have someone look at it and help us decide how we should go about selling it. (We already decided that due to its age and the amount of upkeep, we did NOT want to keep it as a rental). Since we were only a few years shy of paying it off, we'd held off on a lot of repairs, thinking we'll just wait until it's paid off and we'll have the spare cash to make all those improvements. Now here we are, without the time, money, or energy to work on any of those repairs. So we went back and forth about how to go about selling the place as-is and still get the most money out of the house. Despite some needed repairs inside, it still holds the nicest curb appeal of all the houses on the street and claims two nice, sturdy outdoor living spaces, the front and the back porch, plus a spacious gated driveway, and a second section of the yard fenced off for storage of perhaps a camper, trailer, off-road vehicle, etc. 

Anyway, June 1st came and went, and the house was no where near ready, nor had we made any decision as to whether to call a realtor or call a company that buys houses as-is. We couldn't agree on what to do, and the house wasn't ready either. But people kept asking about our move date, and Mike kept saying the first of July. Then they asked him at work when he planned to leave, and he said the same, around the fourth of July. (My dad's birthday is July 5th, so we agreed to not leave before then.)

A very close friend who is a realtor and used to live in Texas posted something on Facebook about reaching out to her for help in buying or selling a home because she still had her real estate license in Texas. So we asked her for honest advice. She did some checking around for us and hooked us up with one of her colleagues here in our area. She came and looked at the house the very next morning (the day after school got out), pointed out the main selling points (the porches), and said to fix those up a bit and then list the house as-is. We both felt very comfortable with her and trusted our friend who hooked us up with her, so we signed the papers and told her we'd have it ready in a week since we hoped to move in less than a month.

How we thought we'd have this mess ready in a week, I don't know. We all ended up getting sick or bit by a cat, which slowed everything down, but somehow, we did it. Without David being home to help both me with house things, the garage sale, and moving/organizing boxes during the day and helping Mike with the yard, the landscaping, the garage and the driveway at night, it would NOT have been possible. That kid deserves a medal of some kind. Then the day before the realtor came to take pictures (Father's Day, to be precise), I convinced both boys that the best way to honor their dad would be to finish cleaning up both porches completely so he could come home from work and not have to stress about finishing either one. They worked together and did it! Mike came home to both porches looking amazing, so we got to go out for a nice Father's Day dinner together before he and David came home and worked endlessly in the garage till way past midnight. 

By noon on Monday, the realtor and her photographer came to take pictures for the house listing, and then they put the sign in the yard before they left. The listing goes live tomorrow, and we trust it to God from here to let it sell in just the right time, to just the right buyer, for just the amount we'll need to help us purchase the next home he has for us in Columbus, Indiana. I have already been praying over my porch, asking that God bring someone who will also find it to be their sanctuary, a place to spend time with Him. 

I guess that makes it official. 

Still trying to wrap my brain around all this unexpected, God-ordained change. 

Pain tolerance

Well, we're three days into summer break, and I've already taken quite a beating physically. I started off Monday morning with appointments for David and I to get some dental work done that they suggested to us a year ago. Our old dentist retired, and you know how it is when you go to a new dentist. Suddenly you have everything wrong with your mouth that needs to be fixed. Well, I finally made sure we had our dental work done before we all go separate ways and are on all different insurances. I had cavities on both sides of my mouth, so I walked out of there with a completely numb mouth. Later that day and the next two days, the inside of my cheeks still hurt from where they injected me in order to numb me. 

And the crazy thing is, I have a pretty serious dental phobia. I mean, to the point where the dentist tells me to go straight to the doctor because my blood pressure is so high, but by the time I get to the doctor, they say my blood pressure is fine. So yeah, you're safe to say that this wasn't a pleasant experience or a "fun" way to start my summer break.

But apparently I needed to get beat up a little more. A sore mouth just wasn't enough.

That evening, while Mike and both boys were outside in the front yard working on landscaping, I heard one of the cats "screaming" this really awful meowy scream. I went running through the house to find out what happened, and I found little Boots hanging upside down in front of the windowsill with his foot caught in the drawstring for the blinds. The more he tried to get out, the tighter it wrapped around his paw. Without any time to think, I just ran to the window and tried to free his foot. When I couldn't, I grabbed his whole body to steady him while I got his foot loose. But out of the extreme distress he was in, he reacted by biting me as hard as he could. And by the time he bit me, somehow he got free and ran away into the other room. About that time, David came running inside to find out what I was screaming about, and I had blood gushing down my legs from four deep puncture wounds. 

I sprayed wound cleanser all over it and put some neosporin on it, and I thought I'd be okay. But I woke up in the middle of the night in throbbing pain.

The next day I babied it, but by about 1:00 in the afternoon, I felt really tired, and I didn't have the energy to do ANYTHING the rest of the day besides sit on the couch and watch TV. In fact, I was in bed before 6:00, and Mike had to wake me up to eat my Wendy's dinner that he brought home. I ate it and went right back to sleep. Unfortunately, though, going to bed so early just  left me to toss and turn the rest of the night. I started running a low grade fever, and for a minute, I thought I might have COVID again. I had just enough achiness that I could NOT get comfortable.

But when I got up in the morning and took one look at my leg, I put two and two together and realized that it must be infected. I went straight to the urgent care clinic as soon as it opened, and she took one look at my leg and said, "This is definitely infected. For any kind of animal bite, you should always come in right away." Animal bites are much deeper than other kinds of wounds.  Well, since I've never been bit by an animal (that I can remember), I just thought I could take care of this on my own. (And I also live with three men who think I'm a big baby, so of course, I was going to be "tough". )Mental note for the next time I hope never happens. 

So now I'm on two different antibiotics to fight the infection in my leg. This was not at all on my radar for my first week of summer break. I'm just thankful I had enough sense to go in to the urgent care early this morning so I could start the antibiotics right away. 

About 16 hours after the incident

About 24 hours after the incident

About 36 hours after the incident. 

Here's to hoping that's all the physical beatings I'm going to have to take for awhile because I really don't have a high pain tolerance. 

Nature Calls

(Wrote this a month or so ago for my writer's group as a way to announce our new adventure)

When you hear the phrase “nature calls”, you tend to think someone needs to find a restroom pretty quickly. But, no, I am not looking for a bathroom at the moment. I’m actually referring to the way God used a famous poem in Scripture to beckon me to follow Him onto a nature trail that is about to change my life. 

    I’ve always loved nature. I grew up in a rural community in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, where you’d find Amish and Mennonite farms on nearly every corner. I remember going on long walks or bike rides with my mom and brothers on all the country roads that surrounded our neighborhood, stopping to pick wildflowers, pick an apple from a tree, or dip our toes in the river flowing under an old, covered bridge. We spent many Friday evenings at the local farmer’s market, and we followed horse and buggies to school each morning. I guess you could say I’m a country girl at heart.   

    As I grew up and took an interest in writing and other quiet, creative activities, I found myself drawn to all types of peaceful outdoor landscapes. A gentle stream. A flowing river. A still pond. Sunrises and sunsets. I joined the cross-country team in high school and found that I loved running courses on trails through the woods because I could just think and breathe in the silence and tranquility. Today my front porch is my favorite “room” of my house, and I can easily spend hours each morning sitting outside just listening to the birds sing, talking to God, writing in a journal, reading a book, or scribbling some poetry. Nature just inspires me in so many ways. 

    While the world stood still and we all put our lives on pause during the COVID shutdown, I spent a lot of hours either on my bike exploring nature trails with my son or soaking in books and Bible studies out on my front porch. I found a study on Psalm 23 and quickly fell in love with the poetry within the chapter. The words spoke deeply to me and drew me in in a way they’d never done before. I committed the chapter to memory as I’d done as a child, but this time with a much more intimate and personal understanding of the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep. I printed out a Scriptural prayer that the author of this particular study had written (Jennifer Rothschild), and I began to pray it every day over myself and other friends. One of my favorite lines said,”I need rest in green pastures and refreshment from still waters. Lead me there, and I will follow.” 

    As the world began to open up and both teachers and students returned to school, it didn’t take long before I tested positive for COVID. Within a week, I found myself sicker and weaker than I’d ever felt before. With so many people dying, I feared for my life, especially when just getting out of bed to go to the bathroom left me as winded as if I’d jogged a mile. My family thought I was exaggerating, and though I did have to see a doctor twelve days in, I finally began to recover by the end of the third week. I went back to work for a few days, thinking I could take it easy, but the trauma of teaching that year proved more than I could handle. 

    I spent the next six months in and out of doctors’ offices, experimenting with medicines to control a racing heartbeat, extreme anxiety, and uncharacteristically high blood pressure. All while trying to teach in an impossible scenario without all the tools necessary to do the job well. It was like watching a train wreck happen, every single day. When the end of the school year came, I wanted to run away and hide from the world. A short summer awaited me, and I found myself naturally escaping on my bike every single morning, headed to the closest nature trail. I stopped to take pictures of every different kind of wildflower I passed, and I sat at the edge of the pond often to reflect and pray. That nature trail helped me heal. The green pastures I rode by gave me a place to rest my mind, and the still waters refreshed my soul and spirit. I really struggled as the summer came to a close, knowing I would no longer be able to start my days riding that beautiful nature trail. 

Thankfully, enough exercise mixed with the right dose of new medications brought my heart rate and blood pressure down to normal limits, along with keeping the anxiety at bay. School calmed down a bit, making teaching more manageable than the year before, but the support that used to be there suddenly didn’t exist. You’re on your own, and the expectations are higher now. Teaching post-COVID doesn’t look or feel at all like it used to, and the joy isn’t found as easily as before. I could sense God giving me permission to consider finding something else, something either more ministry based or at least working in a smaller setting with a smaller group of students. 

Then we visited my in-laws in Indiana, where my country-boy-at-heart husband grew up, and the natural outdoor landscape started to call. A prime opportunity beckoned him, working side-by-side in business with his brother, doing what they are both naturally good at. Would I consider it? Or at least pray about it?

At first I laughed at the thought and even got angry at my husband for such a consideration. But without me knowing, he started to pray, “God, if we’re supposed to go, please draw Rachelle there on her own.” 

It didn’t take long for the dominoes to start falling. First a random trip to the library led a perfect stranger to strike up a conversation with my sister-in-law, Chrissy, leading to a conversation about a local Christian children’s home, New Song Mission, in need of a teacher. She inquired further and then sent me a website describing a job my heart has interestingly longed for, one I felt very uniquely qualified for. A joint ministry and teaching opportunity, working in a small setting with a small group, sitting on one hundred acres of land. Green pastures. Still waters. Trees, woods, nature trails, and a quiet pond with a picnic table sitting right outside the classroom. 

A wise counselor said, “Take a few days to fast and pray over it. If this is God leading, he will give you a real sense of peace.”

As I prayed, these lines jumped out at me. “I need rest in green pastures and refreshment from still waters. Lead me there, and I will follow.”

Thus began my own inquiry, followed by a zoom interview, and eventually a drive back up to Indiana to see for myself and interview in person. As we drove along the winding, scenic road toward the campus, I felt such peace in my heart. After sitting at the long kitchen table with a cup of hot coffee in my hand as I “interviewed” for the vacant teacher position over the next hour, I glanced out the window at the natural landscape all around me. I couldn’t deny God’s tug on my heart. 

I knew.  

Nature calls. “Lead me there, God. I will follow.”

When one door closes....and you turn in the key

 The day finally came to say goodbye to my home away from home. I expected more emotion, but I felt completely at peace all day---at least so far. I'm sure it'll hit once I have a chance to sit and reflect. Everything's moved way too fast all week for me to really take it all in. 

Almost nineteen years ago, in August of 2003, David and I got on a plane together and flew from Indiana to Texas for me to start a job that I'd been offered over the phone just two weeks prior. A job I didn't look for (my sister-in-law, Ang, found it for me and "convinced" them to interview me), had no certification for yet, one that I interviewed for over three phone interviews over a period of three days. A job I didn't even know existed even a day before that first interview. Mike followed behind us two weeks later with his dad and a small moving truck. 

A total God move. 

Little did I know I'd stay at that same elementary school for 19 straight years. 

I got hired in as a CSR teacher (Classroom Size Reduction), a job created by a grant to help the bilingual teachers focus on a smaller group of students at a time. I worked mornings at another school a mile away, and then I spent the afternoons in Room 16 at Bullock Elementary by pulling small groups of bilingual students from all grade levels. I worked during the day and then went to school at night at an Alternative Certification program. Because I was in a high-need bilingual position, the school paid for my certification. I really couldn't have asked for more. 

That year, I found myself really enjoying the fourth graders and was so surprised when the principal at Bullock offered me the fourth grade bilingual position for the following year! So the last day of school, I moved my very few personal belongings outside to a portable classroom to prepare for the following school year. I stayed outside in that portable for three years teaching fourth grade with two great teammates, Rikki and Stacy.

After three years, I wanted to teach more Spanish, so my principal offered to move me to second grade where the students required more instruction in Spanish. I moved my growing collection of personal items inside the building to room 24, where I stayed for the following six years. I had several different teammates over those six years, starting with Amy and Mary, then Rikki, then Maria, and then Lirys. By then, they'd added a second bilingual class to each grade level.

My sixth year in second grade, I also spent a great deal of time working on Juan's second adoption process. We left for Colombia the very day after school got out, and while I was in Colombia, my principal decided to play an "upset-the-fruit-basket-game" and moved a whole bunch of teachers to new grade levels. I came home to find out I'd been moved to the Pre-K position. With a lot of tears, I packed up my things in room 24, gathered my personal belongings, and moved down the hall to Room 39. I had NO idea how to go about teaching early childhood, but God blessed me with an incredible teacher aid, Patty, to help me through that drastic change. We bonded so well and worked very closely together for the next five years.  I had a very faithful teammate, too, in Victoria for all five years.

Toward the end of the fifth year, my heart began to long for students a little older. I wanted to be able to teach writing again more than anything. My principal said the only position he had open was kindergarten, but just a few days before school ended, he had a second grade position open up, directly across the hall from my Pre-K classroom. So the last day of school, I gathered my personal belongings and pushed them across the hall to Room 35, where I stayed for the last four years. I worked with Victor, Kalilah, and Diane, then with Hannah and Kenny, and then with DJ. Every year brought at least one new teammate. When I started this year, I had no idea it would be my last. in room 35 and at Bullock Elementary.  

But today I turned in my laptop, my computer bag, 

my badge, and my keys.

I loaded down my car with the rest of my personal belongings that I hadn't already taken home over the last MONTH. 

I never imagined I'd head back to Indiana, but I shouldn't be surprised since that's where all of Mike's family lives. He really needs his family right now, and his family really needs him.

I also never could have imagined God leading me to such a unique place as New Song Mission. I have kept a picture on my phone of the physical landscape where New Song Leadership Academy sits, and whenever I've gotten anxious about all of this unexpected change, that picture has brought me peace. 

Now the next month I'll be torn between my hope and excitement for how God is going to use me at New Song, for how I will have a chance to grow closer to the Alspaugh side of the family, and for a different pace of life---and my sadness over all the people and places we're leaving behind. 

So. Much. Change.

I wrote this poem to share at my writer's group a few days ago.

Changing sesasons

Our season is changing,

My kids are now all grown.

One resides at his college,

One seeks a place of his own.

Yet rather than watching

Them launch from our nest,

We, too, are embarking

On our own brand new quest.

A quest for our calling

Our next mission in life

To rekindle our dreams

As a husband and wife.

To work in our element

And spread Jesus love

A prime opportunity 

Sent straight from above.

A chance to step back

To reevaluate our goals

To help more with family

And reverse income roles. 

Yet knowing God beckons us

To make a new start,

To close up a chapter

Still feels so hard.

The people, the places

We’re so accustomed to see

The deeper the friendships

The harder goodbye will be. 

Leaving my family behind

To soon be closer to his

Living far from our sons

How bittersweet this is

Yet somehow I know

This is all in His plan

So I pack up my things

cherish each moment I can.

Looking forward with peace

Anticipating great things

While still feeling the sadness

That a change of season brings.