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I am a wife, daughter, mother, bilingual teacher, poet, author, women's Bible study teacher, world traveler, orphan advocate, and an adoptive mother.  Our adoption journey has been filled with a lot of hurt and loss, along with even more hope, grace, and healing.  Through it we have experienced more of God than we ever bargained for and have watched Him miraculously redeem our story when we surrendered all the broken pieces to Him.

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Friday, February 3, 2017

I trust you, Jesus.

Two summers ago, I struggled with a pretty crappy attitude. Just about everything seemed to go wrong all summer long, ending with a totaled RV that our insurance couldn't cover. Yeah. I was a mess.

After a long screaming match with God and a written list of grievances over events from that summer, I read an article that simply suggested I give that list over to God and verbally exclaim, "I trust you, Jesus." Every time something from that list would creep into my thoughts and start to make me bitter, I would take a deep breath and then repeat, "I trust you, Jesus."

I wote it out on a small dry-erase board and hung it on my wall as a reminder.

I also started a gratitude journal, at first listing three things a day that I was thankful for, then eventually filling a page a day. I'm on my third journal now. Both exercises changed my from the inside out. That summer ended up with huge blessings, including a bigger, newer RV covered fully by our insurance a full month after they told us they couldn't cover more than $500 of our damage.

Now here we are two and a half years later. I've been a bit (okay, very) overwhelmed with Juan's senior year and college admission process. As I explained in a previous post, high school has been anything but smooth for my son. He's faced complications at every stage on every level, yet he always remains positive and does the best he can. He's overcome so many obstacles and never loses faith. I, on the other hand, constantly consider all the "what-if'" scenarios. He doesn't take enough details into consideration, while I overthink too many details and stress myself out over nothing.

So, anyway, we filed his FAFSA back in October on the first day possible. And he applied for DBU around the same time, the very day we visited the campus. And he applied for a Christian Leadership Scholarship within the same month.

We waited. And waited. And waited. We had to go back in to DBU to fill out extra paperwork for financial aid, and something about it made me very uneasy. So uneasy that I lost sleep over it. I kept worrying that I filled it out wrong and that it would affect how much aid he got.  Finally he got notice about his acceptance, but we still didn't get any financial aid package. I hated to give him hope that he could go to DBU if we found out later we couldn't afford it, while I continued to fret that I'd messed something up with that paperwork. Yet I kept hearing God say, "Just trust Me."

We finally got that long-awaited financial aid package in the mail last week, but when I opened it up, my heart sank. He'd gotten the Christian Leadership Scholarship, plus two small grants. But the remaining amount was just too much. I couldn't see any way possible for him to go. His heart started sinking, too, and I heard that voice again, saying, "Just trust Me." So I looked at Juan and told him not to worry, we'd figure out a way to get him there. I attended a private Christian college, and we'd find a way for him to do the same. We'd just have to find more scholarships to apply for.

We talked to Mauricio (the boys' Student Pastor), who is a senior at DBU right now, and he told us to keep communication open with the financial aid department, and he also suggested several other specific scholarships that the school offers that could really help. We made an appointment right away with the financial aid counselor at DBU, saying we had a lot of questions about the financial aid package he got. We went in late Monday afternoon to talk with her, and sure enough,, I had good reason to feel uneasy about that paper I'd filled out. Juan's situation is quite unique, so they didn't really know how to instruct me to fill out the paper. When we explained everything to the lady, she told us not to worry--they'd get the paperwork fixed, and the amount of his financial aid would increase quite a bit. Basically, we went in with a specific amount that we needed to find in scholarships for him to be able to attend there, and we walked away with a likely possibility that his aid would increase to that very same amount. She also said she'd be able to help get him plugged in with the International Department to find him a part-time (bilingual) job on campus. Any scholarships he can get will only make it better.

Now I can finally say that I do believe we've found our son's future home for next year.

He registers for summer orientation later this month.

Yes, I trust you, Jesus.

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