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I am a wife, daughter, mother, bilingual teacher, poet, author, women's Bible study teacher, world traveler, orphan advocate, and an adoptive mother.  Our adoption journey has been filled with a lot of hurt and loss, along with even more hope, grace, and healing.  Through it we have experienced more of God than we ever bargained for and have watched Him miraculously redeem our story when we surrendered all the broken pieces to Him.


Surviving the Valley Series

Surviving the Valley Series
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Monday, August 3, 2015

Unsettled

I've shared a lot of good things on this blog about our summer and about some great upcoming events in our lives. I am looking forward to yet another two days of leadership training this week for the Willowcreek Leadership Summit. I am beyond excited about the launch of my book later this month and all that God is going to do through Authenticity Book House in the coming year. I'm grateful for the chance to be part of the Scripture Memory Celebration in Houston early next year. And I am actually ready and anxious (in a good way) to get back into my classroom this week to start preparing for my new kiddos.

Truthfully, though, I'm more ready to get back this year than other years.

The fact that Mike is still unemployed after three long months leaves me feeling quite unsettled. I am grateful for the time we spent as a family. I am grateful for the time Mike's been home and has spent with the boys. I am grateful for the way God provided for us so we didn't have to worry about our normal expenses. I am grateful for our Six Flags season passes that we bought last year that we got to use almost once every week this summer. I am grateful for the little things we enjoyed doing because we didn't spend all of our time and money on the big things we originally planned. I am grateful that God forced us to spend time all together rather than all of us going in different directions.

I am grateful for the one-on-one time I got to spend with each of my sons. I am grateful the boys got to go to camp on a scholarship. I am thankful David participated in the Colorado mission trip with the church and that several people contributed to his expenses. I am grateful I got to spend some time with my parents and that we found an inexpensive way to still get to the beach. I am grateful that Mike wasn't working random hours that changed from day to day, night to night. Despite their boredom, I am grateful neither son had friends calling all the time, stealing them away. I loved spending time together riding our bikes in the evenings. As much as they hated being cooped up at home, I will cherish this summer and the memories we made because I know that we may never have another summer like this again, at least with Juan David at home (not working) and with Mike home, too.

I asked God to bless us with a memorable summer together as a family, and He did just that. This one will go down in the books.

But that memorableness won't be all warm and fuzzy memories.

The first month Mike was out of work, he spent all day every day looking for a job while we were all at school. Then we hung out together in the evenings. The second month, we soaked up our time together doing fun things and even getting a little traveling in. We took advantage of the chance to be spontaneous after a spring filled to the brim with activity and constant busyness. But the third month started to wear on all of us. Now that we're a week into the fourth month, well . . . hmmmmm.

Just think about it. A teacher mom who wants to take advantage of all this extra time and can't stand to see an hour slip away, a dad who would much rather be outside working on his truck all day rather than behind a computer filling out application after application, and two (lazy) teenage boys who wish they could be out with friends, chasing girls, or sleeping the day away rather than do anything productive.  All four of us, in our little house, together, almost all the time. I think we are all a bit stir-crazy and ready to pounce on each other. I know I've come close to biting a few heads off at times.

When you add money constraints and strange expenses coming out of nowhere (treating four animals for fleas that took forever to get under control), we basically just felt stuck. We still do.

Stuck. Bored. Claustrophobic. Anxious.Tense.  Frustrated. Confused. Angry. Moody. Unsettled.

Until God brings Mike the job He's preparing for him, we just sit and wait, unable to plan into the future. More applications. Dropping off more resumes. More phone calls. Maybe a few more interviews. Waiting on the phone to ring.

Sigh. I know God is faithful and He promises to continue to provide. So far He's provided extra money to cover daily expenses (and flea treatments). I am boldly praying that one of these days, His perfect provision will bring news of that perfect job. Once it's here, we'll look back and value this time.

I've prayed a lot of prayers this summer and watched God answer many of them in very personal ways. I know He hears us, so He's definitely got a purpose for His delay.

Back to that daily gratitude journal . . . Back to seizing the day laying right in front of us.

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