Word for 2022

So, I've been praying about what word God might give me to help me navigate through 2022. It's tempting to look through words and ponder over which one I'd like, but that's not usually how it works. And even if I do pick/get a word that I like, the reality usually doesn't match my first impression of what that word means. 

When 2020 started, I felt God give me the word RELEASE. Little did I know all that God would have me release into His hands throughout that year, including my anger, my expectations of David's senior year, and everything I ever knew about educating children. I had to release my "right" to expecting life to continue as it always had in the past, to teach the way we always did, to celebrate my son's senior year milestones, etc. 

At the end of the year, my pastor preached a sermon about our need to RELEASE our grip in order to RECEIVE what He wants for us. In that moment, I knew I had my answer to my prayer as to what word He chose to give me as I navigated through 2021. I opened my hands wide, positioning myself to receive whatever God wanted to give me. 

Sounds promising and exciting, right?

But four days into the year, I started to receive all kinds of things I didn't want to have anything to do with. Diagnoses with words I'd never heard of before, new daily medications I couldn't pronounce, medical bills that didn't fit into my budget, doctor appointments that didn't coincide well with my schedule, a racing heart, students joining me online for class from anywhere and everywhere (from a shared bedroom with someone snoring beside them, from a noisy kitchen, from a house filled with animals, from a room filled with all sorts of toys to show and play with, even from another country with a beach that seemed much more enticing than my class), and basically just a whole LOT of stress. Suddenly my whole life seemed out of my control. 

Meanwhile several close friends and family received scary and sad diagnoses, as well. A friend started the year a brand new widow, unable to fully grieve her loss while trying to be strong for her son. Others watched their cancer return after just having celebrated finding out they were cancer free. Many marriages and families around me didn't make it, disrupting so many parts of life for their children and extended families. I am a natural empath, so I'm quickly drawn in to other's pain (it's a blessing and a curse).  I grieved for them and with them. 

I spent a lot of time alone on my bike over the summer trying to get myself healthy again, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I found a lot of quiet spots to just sit and talk to God, preparing for the year ahead. Then school started, I felt ready, and...... I fell. Tripped over my own foot and bruised my rib, just in time to start a new school year. So much for all the de-stressing over the summer. I couldn't lay down to sleep or even bend over to help my students with anything for at least two weeks. Nor could I exercise at all, after riding my bike for 10 miles almost every day for six weeks. Never did finish organizing my classroom like I wanted, and I definitely feel it. Definitely made for a stressful-and painful beginning of the year.

Life felt exceptionally heavy. These weren't the blessings I expected to receive. But I knew God gave me the word RECEIVE for the year, so I tried to see and accept things through that lens. 

I didn't receive quick healing and recovery from COVID, but I did gain a very caring cardiologist that supported me and took time to connect with me as a post-COVID patient. With early heart disease in my family, maybe getting connected with a cardiologist and a sleep apnea doctor will help me avoid other heart issues in the future. 

I didn't receive low-cost treatment to find out why my heart was racing, but I did receive my 2020 tax refund check a full year late after several issues, precisely on the day I went in for all the testing on my heart. Peace that I had the money to cover it, even if I did have other plans for that money. I didn't have the money for the doctor bills just a day before I went in, but God did.

I didn't receive an easier year financially, but we did receive two unexpected bonuses precisely in the last month of each of David's semesters at DBU when I didn't know how I was going to pay the last payment. And when certain expenses went up unexpectedly, Mike got a job promotion.  We didn't have the money to cover the last month's tuition bill for both semesters, but God did. 

I didn't receive good news about the health of extended family members, but I did receive unexpected TIME with all of my family members in both Indiana and Pennsylvania. We were able to snap some quick family pictures that hadn't been taken in many years. Pictures that we now are eternally grateful for, especially on the Alspaugh side. I didn't see any way possible to see so much family in one year, but God did. We didn't know how much we needed to take that trip in October to Indiana, but God did.

I didn't receive the support I desperately needed as a teacher last year or the commitment from students that was necessary for them to succeed. But I did learn a lot, develop perseverance, and finally learned how to let certain expectations go in order to put my health, my family, and my sanity first. I didn't have the mental and physical strength to give my class my best teaching, but God did. Those kids may not have excelled academically like I would have liked, but they found a place of safety and belonging in my classroom--which mattered more than anything during a pandemic.

I received a group of prayer warrior friends through a Bible study on my front porch that I have been able to go to for prayer on countless occasions, as well as give them the support that they need, too. I am normally a very private, reserved person who doesn't naturally reach out for help. But God knew I needed prayers from my friends as much as they needed my prayers for them. We check-in periodically and check up on each other often. 

I received a new group of couple friends at church that meet together weekly for the sole purpose of talking about how to strengthen and fight for our marriages. I didn't know how incredibly helpful and inspiring a group like that could be, but God did. A group where you don't have to hide your struggles or pretend that marriage is a walk in the park.

I received a new life group at church on Saturday nights that connected us to people who are absolutely committed to following Christ above all else in life, giving us the opportunity to open our hearts, share our stories, and connect with others. I didn't know I needed those new relationships, but God did.

I received new writing opportunities and a warm welcome back to my beloved writer's group. I didn't  remember how much that writer's group did for my soul, but God did. He showed me a way I could still be part of it and not miss out on our marriage group that meets on the same night. 

2021 didn't bring the blessings I envisioned or hoped for. It brought a lot of hardship, hurt, and grief. But with all of the hardship, hurt, and grief, it taught me that God is right there, giving me everything I need exactly when I need it. The right amount of money, a caring doctor, a supportive and praying friend, or just time with someone that I haven't seen in a long time. When God gave me the word RECEIVE, it really did help me accept the challenges that came by looking at them through that filter. 

So now here I am at the start of 2022, sadly watching from a distance as my husband helps plan for a funeral that we never expected to be planning so quickly after our last trip just as recent as October. Mike and David have already been gone for a week to be there for my mother-in-law, (who just had a mastectomy this week), the funeral is Monday, and they'll still be there for another two weeks to work on the house and help out with another surgery. My oldest son and I were supposed to fly up this weekend for the funeral until sickness derailed that plan, too. 

It's not the restful, peaceful way I would have liked to spend my winter break, preparing for a full semester ahead, still dealing with half a class of kids who came to me far below grade level.  Every day brought new surprises we weren't expecting. It's not the family time at home I hoped to spend with my husband and son over a long three week break. But it wasn't the way my mother-in-law expected or hoped to spend Christmas, either. And this is a chance to love, support, and honor her as she steps into this new season of life without the man she's been married to for the last 48 years. If I thought my year felt hard, it doesn't even begin to compare to her hard over the last twelve months, or even the last ten days.  I am very sad that I can't be there, though. 

I don't normally do well with last minute changes and decisions. I am ending one year and starting the next year feeling quite a bit unsettled, anxious, not knowing what's around the corner. But I feel like God has shown me over the last year that no matter what is coming, He's already ahead of me, setting things up far in advance to provide exactly what I will need. He is Jehovah Jireh, my Provider. A God of infinite resources.

He is also Jehovah Shalom, my Perfect Peace. Just knowing He's there gives me peace. I don't have to fear tomorrow. His mercies are new every morning. Whatever tomorrow brings, the morning will bring me the mercy and grace I will need. I don't have the resources or the strength to handle tomorrow's challenges, but God does. 

So my word to filter and guide me through 2022 is PEACE. It doesn't mean peace from hardship, or a peace that all will feel more settled soon. For some reason, I think this unsettled feeling will be here for awhile as we grieve the loss of Mike's dad. I know my husband is going to be hurting and processing a variety of emotions, including a very deep sadness for some time to come. He's going to need time and space, and I'm sure he will spend a lot of time out in the garage, tinkering in different projects, as a way to physically express and process his grief. Which is why I fully support his need to be there now to do so much work around his mom's house. I wouldn't want him anywhere else. 

But there is a PEACE that comes with just knowing God is ahead of us every step of the way, waiting with new mercy each morning, with strength, comfort, and resources that we can't fabricate on our own.