Today was just a cold, teary kind of day.
They laid my husband's father to rest today, all the while celebrating his life, his personality, and all he contributed to others in his 70 years of life.
There is a peace knowing he no longer suffers from the dementia that had progressed so rapidly over the last few months, filling him with extreme anxiety as his memory came and went at any given moment. To see the scared "child" he became while trapped in the body of the confident man we knew was heartbreaking. For that reason, we have peace that God took him sooner rather than later.
But seeing a final date after the dash really hits you, as does seeing that empty shell of a body in the casket, closing the casket, and carrying it out to his burial plot. His life and his purpose came to an end (except for the things he passed on that will continue to live out in his sons and grandchildren, or the impact he made on those he came into contact with). I wish I could have been there with Mike, his mom, and his brothers as they experienced all those things today. But for some reason, God kept me and Juan back at home, sending David and Mike on to Indiana before COVID hit.
I suppose I could have gotten a rapid test at the (very) last minute and gone ahead alone, but it would have meant leaving Juan to care for himself, and the mom in me couldn't do that. He lived through too many needy moments in his life without a mom to tend to him. As long as God still has him in my home, I will continue to fill in those gaps and respond to his needs. Plus I never would have forgiven myself if COVID turned on him and got worse like it did me a little over a year ago, and like it has done to so many--or if I had developed symptoms later in Indiana and exposed my mother-in-law. Her recent cancer has left her with a very weakened immune system, and I just couldn't risk that.
So today I sat alone in tears all morning, shifting between my couch and the kitchen table, praying for peace and comfort over them, exchanging texts and pictures with my son, my sister-in-law, and my mother-in-law before and after the service and the burial. I absolutely hated not being there as a family. Out of all the funerals to have to miss, your spouse's parent should not be one of them.
However, I do see now that God meant for David to be there more than me, and this event will stay with him for as long as he lives. He and Mike are so close, and so much alike. I'm so proud of David for how he just stepped in and has done whatever has been needed during his break. They're able to do and accomplish so much more with him there. That is the mentality and work ethic his grandfather instilled in his son who then passed it on to his grandson. Plus his grandmother is now able to actually get to know her grandson that grew up so far away from her.
Mike also commented to me that as much as he wished I were there, he realized that my absence freed him up to be able to take care of his mom's physical and emotional needs. He is the oldest son, and it is obvious that she looks to him for her guidance and protection now--and has done so ever since her husband started going downhill over the last few months.
Here are a few pics that they shared with me throughout the morning to try to include me, as well as some other memories they have made so far on this trip.
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