You are what you eat, you see what you're looking for

 As I said in an earlier post, I've been studying and meditating over the 23rd psalm recently, and it's had a very deep impact on me.

Just as the saying goes, "You are what you eat." That applies not only to what you put in your mouth, as I learned in the Daniel Plan (and am currently convicted about not following), but it also applies to what you feed your soul. 

God prepares a feast for us every single day, if we'll just come to the table and partake of it. It doesn't matter where we are, what life stage we're in, how we feel, or what circumstances surround us. He prepares the table daily. He's always there, always present. On the mountain or in the valley, His love, mercy, compassion, and goodness are there--we just have to look for them. You'll always find what you're looking for.

I love studying words, especially biblical words. My favorite Bible studies are the ones that dig deep into the meaning and context of the actual Greek and Hebrew words used when the Scripture was written. I also love teaching the Love God Greatly studies that just study one verse at a time because I have the opportunity to teach other women how to do the actual word research themselves. 

I love writing words, especially in a poetic way.

So it doesn't surprise me how much this particular portion of Scripture captivates me. Jennifer Rothschild, one of my favorite Bible study teachers and authors, did an excellent job taking me through each and every word in the 23rd psalm, getting me to pause long enough to really reflect on what each verse meant, giving me time to chew on each line, savoring the message behind the words. The entire psalm together truly brings me a feast at the table with the King. 

I used to think that life was a series of ups and downs, of mountains and valleys, of seasons of blessing and seasons of loss. But between a recent sermon I heard from Josh Howerton pointing out that life is like a pair of parallel railroad tracks, with the good times and the bad times simultaneously existing, and this particular psalm pointing out that God prepares the table even in the middle of the valley, I've gained a whole new perspective on life. Yes, suffering may last only for the night, and  joy comes in the morning, but God's goodness can still be found in the night. His treasures are still there for us in the darkness. They're always there. We just have to look for them.

Last year when we ended the school year in such a scramble, going completely online, never getting any kind of closure with that particular class, I was determined to see God in it. I looked for Him, and I found Him everywhere. Sure, the year held so much loss and discomfort, but it also held abundant blessing and opportunity.

This school year, on the contrary, has been an uphill battle, leaving me stuck in the valley more often than not. I started the year optimistic and determined, but the daily struggle has wearied me and taken a toll on me physically. Some days it's hard not to see all the negative all around me and wonder how much I can physically and mentally keep on pushing and fighting through the constant stress. It reminds me a lot of our family's trek through the adoption process twice. I kept my focus on the mountaintop, making it the ultimate goal, until I got to the top of the mountain and looked back. The treasures I held dear that  proved to be the most valuable in my future came more from the experience in the valley than from standing at the top of the mountain, having achieved my goal. The good was always there, running parallel with the struggles in the battle. 

This valley of a year isn't leading to a mountaintop teaching experience any time soon. The political war raging about me isn't going anywhere, even with the election over. The threat of COVID will be around for a long time, no matter how quickly they can make the vaccination more easily available. As if the year didn't hold enough challenge, then God decided to literally freeze Texas in our tracks for a few days, leaving devastating effects all around me. Struggles and battles are always going to exist, but so is the goodness of God. If I keep holding my breath till the battle's over, I will have missed out on the treasure (the nourishment) I needed to carry me through the next battle, which, by the way, has probably already started. 

We go from grace to grace, from one hard time to the next, abounding in God's strength and favor. 

I've got two more days of my study of Psalm 23 before I can share the feast that God shared with me over the last two months. For now, I'm going to take my eyes off the mess of my house, the busted pipes, the mounds of laundry needing to be done, the empty grocery shelves, the scattered work schedules, the trauma my students have likely suffered over the last week, the heartache several friends are experiencing, the cancer that my friends are facing, the never-ending hateful political comments on Facebook, the morality crisis in our nation, the sick parent struggling to get well, the constant threat of COVID, the painful ingrown toenail (just being real), the struggle to parent an adult child whose emotional age does not match his physical age, the financial concerns over several unexpected bills, the lingering long-haul effects from having had the coronavirus, the unrealistic and unethical expectations of teachers and students during a pandemic, the 20 parent conferences I need to schedule and hold virtually over the next week, the five English writing samples I need to squeeze out of my non-English speaking students over the next two weeks, the lack of connection with friends and family over the last year, the cold temps, the missed vacations and celebrations, the longing for spring, etc., etc. (you get the point). Instead I'm going to open my eyes and look for God's goodness all around me, yes, even in this valley of a year. 

Today, I'm thankful for this time (on a Friday) to sit by the fire and just think, write, and process (notice I said write before process--because writing is how I process). No wonder I get so flustered when I don't find time to write. 

Thanks for reading. I hope you feel God's warm embrace around you today. Think I'm going to go make a hot cup of chai to accompany me beside the warm fire on this 6th unexpected day off (while my hard working husband and son work on fixing our pipes).