I attend a big church, and I have grown to love and appreciate the wealth of opportunities in a big church. So many different ways to connect with others in so many different areas of life. Such a variety of resources to lean into when you need them or to tap into to help someone in a crisis. Yes, at times it can seem flashy and almost impersonal, but that impersonality can fade quickly once you find that right group to connect and grow with. And if you happen to find several groups to connect with depending on your stage of life, that bigness tends to fade as well when you see people overlapping from group to group.
I've been part of a big church for the last 18 years, but before that, I attended a handful of smaller churches that provide a completely different type of intimacy, community, and connection. The church body within that building has more interconnectedness as a whole between all of its members, people have a closer relationship with the pastor himself, and classes/groups are based more on age commonality than on a specific stage of life or interest.
Both have been very meaningful to me. Both have made my life so much richer and helped me grow in Biblical literacy and my personal relationship with Christ. Both have provided me with close friends and godly counsel throughout my life.
The small churches I attended were on the quiet, reserved, more conservative side. You might sway a little while you sing, but there's not much lifting of hands or physical demonstration during worship. Worship happened in your heart and did not call attention to yourself. I guess you could say it feels a little "stiff".
Big churches are a bit different in that your own personal style of worship doesn't call as much more attention to you in a bigger crowd, so you can feel more free to express your praise in a physical way. I'll admit, growing up in the smaller church makes it hard to let the "stiffness" go. In fact, you don't even realize how stiff it feels until you feel free enough to release your inner praise and let it express itself outwardly. And when you do, it's like it opens up a whole new facet of praise and connection that you've never experienced between you and God.
The other night in church, I felt the Spirit nudge me to change my posture of praise. To pull those stiff hands out of my pockets and lift them up, keeping my hands wide open to both RELEASE what I'm holding onto and to RECEIVE whatever He has for me in that moment. To physically demonstrate that I believe what I say, that I believe He inhabits the praises of His people, that He's present in the room with us. As I did, the words seemed to jump off the screen at me, coming alive, lighting up my heart in a new way. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sang from my heart and held my hands open, palms up, simultaneously releasing and receiving. I made a commitment to continue to lift up those open hands as a reminder of what I am doing as I sing a joyful noise unto the Lord.
I have long been in need of a change of posture. So far, the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021 haven't been easy. This last month has already seen my stress level rise much higher than is physically healthy and brought challenges every day, both at home and at work. But I'm determined to release those challenges and stressful situations to God on a daily basis and receive sustenance, comfort, strength, and guidance from Him. Lifting my open hands to sing to him, whether alone on my couch, in a crowd at church, or going for a walk while listening to praise music--it's a physical reminder that I believe in God's sovereignty. faithfulness, and presence. .
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