Living in limbo

Well, we left Texas a week ago last Friday evening, and I'm trying my best to feel as settled as possible. Not the easiest when I'm "homeless", but I'm making it a point to find things to be grateful for and to look forward to. I have moments where it hits me that life will never look the same again, but then I remind myself that God has great things ahead for us. I also remind myself that I'm not the only one starting a new chapter right now.  I have three close friends staring widowhood in the face, still trying to make sense of how and why God took their spouse away. I have a son who had nine years with us and now finds himself on his own, trying to figure out how to do this adult thing now with his family almost a thousand miles away. I have friends and family looking at having to split their time with their kids with a spouse who no longer lives with them. I have a mom trying to figure out why God reunited her with a daughter for four short years and then sent her off to a mission field almost a thousand miles away. I have a son caught in limbo, wanting to support us 100% and be with us, while also wanting to taste independence while finishing college for the next two years. I have a husband starting two new jobs while learning a whole new area and way of life.  We're all starting new chapters, saying goodbye to people and places we never wanted to say goodbye to, while looking for God to show up in ways we can't imagine. Some things and losses we may never understand until we get to heaven, so for now we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and just do the next thing. All I know is God will be with us every step and will guide us on the journey. 

Here are just a few pics of things I'm trying not to take for granted or miss the beauty of these moments, however fleeting they are.

I love how my mom and I were in the same mood on that last day before we headed out, wearing our matching Waymaker shirts. Saying goodbye to my mom might have been the biggest mystery as to what God is doing here, but I'm thankful for the way we've been able to grow closer and make some great craft-making, chai-drinking memories together over the last four years. I know this has been extremely hard on her, but I'm so grateful for her support, knowing I had to follow what God was calling me to do. 

I didn't have a lot of emotional attachment to my house, for some reason. I don't know why, but lately it just hasn't felt like home anymore. But oh, the memories that this porch will always bring. My sanctuary, where God and I had some pretty significant conversations over the 15 years I lived there. I do believe that God saved my life out on that porch and gave me incredible guidance over so many life-changing decisions. I don't really have a lot of stipulations about what kind of house I'd like to live in here, but having a porch or deck is a must!

I'm so thankful for Matt and Chrissy's hospitality this first week, helping us adjust and find our bearings before we set up camp on our own. She's a great mom, an incredible household manager, and a wonderful cook! These shish-kabobs were delicious! And even better because we sat outside on the deck to eat them.

David and I spent an afternoon just driving around and hanging out. He's sticking around as long as he's needed until he gets bored or school is starting. He's been helping out around the land and also going to work with Matt and Mike when he can, making a little extra money to put toward his goals. Right now he's staying in the Man Cave above the garage, so I see him every day. But once we park the camper at New Song, he'll stay at Matt's house, so then I won't see him on a daily basis. I can't even bring myself to think about him leaving to go back to Dallas because just the thought of it brings me to tears. I am so enjoying our time together here. 

Pics like these are just priceless. 

Riding bike through a small patch of woods right beside the pasture on Matt's land. Following Chrissy and her horse, a little biker ahead, and two little goats. It's a whole different pace of life here. :)

Every morning and evening in the summer means time out in the pasture, feeding the goats and a horse, while playing soccer, riding bikes, or riding four wheelers. Or even spraying Round-Up. LOL. 

Chrissy is a whole different person once Sully came along. I love watching how her eyes just light up when they're together. She's done an amazing job with that horse.

Catching the sunset through the trees.

Just catching the beauty of the path right on their land. 

Took an evening ride and couldn't help stopping to take a picture of this beautiful pond. 

The trees right in front of Chrissy's house. 

My little biker friend, Wes. Such a sweet kid. 

A day at the city pool. I'm not one who likes to be around a crowd, so I sat at a picnic table to read a good book while Chrissy and the boys swam. (Plus my swimming attire is packed and in storage somewhere).

Just saw this path as something beautiful with the way the sun shone on it that evening. 

Where the camper is about to park for awhile at New Song until we find the right house God has for us. 

My new walking/biking trail at New Song.

I went for a short walk at New Song while Mike and David looked at the hookups for the camper when I spotted this deer. And to think that this is my new home away from home. God knows this nature lover and knew just how to surprise me on my walk. 

The bridge I get to cross every morning on my way to my classroom. 

A white horse/mule that I pass on my way to New Song. 

It's the little things that I'm trying to savor as I'm living life in limbo right now. So many people keep saying we are back home in Indiana, but that's really not the case for me. My husband is definitely home, but it will take awhile for me to call this home. Pennsylvania had me for the first 15 years of my life, then Indiana had me for about 11 years--except for the half of year that I spent in other countries, and then Texas had me for 19 years, except for the three summers that Colombia took me in. Indiana is far from home, but my son reminded me that Indiana is where I spent my late teens and early twenties, the age where I really became the person I am today. He's got a point. Love that kid's wisdom and his ability to speak deeply to me. 

We decided to wait one more day before setting up camp at New Song. We've enjoyed being at Matt and Chrissy's (and having David right there), but I know Mike and I need to get on the same page to start this adventure together. As long as he and his brother are together every evening, it's harder for Mike and I to connect and work together. Staying at Matt's feels too much like vacation. I look forward to spending some more quality, one-on-one time with Mike once we're "on our own".  

Well, I hope I didn't ramble too much on this post. Chrissy offered to drop me off in town for a bit this afternoon so I could use the wifi to catch up on my blog. Now I better respond to those realtor e-mails I got behind on! (Good news is they want to close on the house next week rather than at the end of July!)