I still am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I moved back to Indiana and left both my boys in Texas. On the one hand, it makes the separation from all things Texas feel less like an amputation of my heart because it keeps me connected to several aspects of the life I left behind. On the other hand, they are now building lives without me there, so whenever we do get the chance to go back and visit (or they come up here), all the dynamics will have changed.
I guess you could say I've officially launched them into the world of independence. David had already begun to launch himself, except for when he wanted to work on trucks with his dad, while Juan just needed that extra push to begin this inevitable step of life. None of us are big talkers, especially on the phone, but we text each other often and keep in touch that way. When I think about how far away they are, I remind myself that I flew off to the most southern country in South America for the first semester of my junior year of college, the same year of college that David is in now. And though I came back home to live with my parents again after that, I was not the same person when I returned. Our family dynamics were never the same. I got a taste of independence and the world outside of my little town, and I never really could settle back in.
There comes a point in our kids' lives when we have to release them and accept and adapt to a new role. They are no longer ours to control and manipulate, or even protect. We have to entrust them to God and take several steps back. We have to trust that we did the best we knew how in raising them, to forgive ourselves where we now realize we messed up, and trust that God is a better parent than we could ever be.
I was so excited when my friend and writing mentor, Mary DeMuth, announced that she was writing a book about launching our kids and JOYFULLY stepping in to this new stage of life and parenting. I jumped at the chance to be part of her launch team, and I'm honored to share my review of her book here. It releases in just a few days on September 6th. I've already pre-ordered my physical copy (only read the advanced e-copy for the launch team), and I hope this review will inspire you to order your copy, as well.
This book touched me deeply. I love the way Mary creatively used the famous love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 to give us a guide of how to biblically love, pray, and listen to our adult children as we launch them into the world or watch from a distance as they flounder in the world, trying to find their way. The tie to Scripture enlightened and empowered me to intentionally relate differently to my own adult sons, while the stories and examples she used gave me empathy to other parents I may have erroneously judged in the past for situations I could not understand. The vulnerability in her own personal stories brought me comfort to know other parents struggle with similar scenarios and emotions as I do as a parent in this stage of life. But above all, this book challenged me to think and see differently. Love, Pray, Listen convicted me to remember myself as a young adult, needing trust and encouragement more than anything else, knowing I had to fall and make mistakes in order to grow and mature. God used challenges in my life to mold me into the person I am, so over-protecting my children (or trying to control their choices) from their own set of challenges does not benefit them at all. Instead, I need to first love them as God loves them, (realizing He loves them even more than I do), pray for them to hear God’s voice, and then really listen to both their words and their behaviors with a true desire to understand their heart. This is not a book for quick reading, but rather a resource to keep handy when I am struggling to relate to or pray for my adult children, especially when they make decisions that I cannot biblically agree with or condone.
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