Praying for our kids

I still am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that I moved back to Indiana and left both my boys in Texas. On the one hand, it makes the separation from all things Texas feel less like an amputation of my heart because it keeps me connected to several aspects of the life I left behind. On the other hand, they are now building lives without me there, so whenever we do get the chance to go back and visit (or they come up here), all the dynamics will have changed. 

I guess you could say I've officially launched them into the world of independence. David had already begun to launch himself, except for when he wanted to work on trucks with his dad, while Juan just needed that extra push to begin this inevitable step of life. None of us are big talkers, especially on the phone, but we text each other often and keep in touch that way. When I think about how far away they are, I remind myself that I flew off to the most southern country in South America for the first semester of my junior year of college, the same year of college that David is in now.  And though I came back home to live with my parents again after that, I was not the same person when I returned. Our family dynamics were never the same. I got a taste of independence and the world outside of my little town, and I never really could settle back in. 

There comes a point in our kids' lives when we have to release them and accept and adapt to a new role. They are no longer ours to control and manipulate, or even protect. We have to entrust them to God and take several steps back. We have to trust that we did the best we knew how in raising them, to forgive ourselves where we now realize we messed up, and trust that God is a better parent than we could ever be.

I was so excited when my friend and writing mentor, Mary DeMuth, announced that she was writing a book about launching our kids and JOYFULLY stepping in to this new stage of life and parenting. I jumped at the chance to be part of her launch team, and I'm honored to share my review of her book here. It releases in just a few days on September 6th. I've already pre-ordered my physical copy (only read the advanced e-copy for the launch team), and I hope this review will inspire you to order your copy, as well. 

This book touched me deeply. I love the way Mary creatively used the famous love chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 to give us a guide of how to biblically love, pray, and listen to our adult children as we launch them into the world or watch from a distance as they flounder in the world, trying to find their way. The tie to Scripture enlightened and empowered me to intentionally relate differently to my own adult sons, while the stories and examples she used gave me empathy to other parents I may have erroneously judged in the past for situations I could not understand. The vulnerability in her own personal stories brought me comfort to know other parents struggle with similar scenarios and emotions as I do as a parent in this stage of life. But above all, this book challenged me to think and see differently. Love, Pray, Listen convicted me to remember myself as a young adult, needing trust and encouragement more than anything else, knowing I had to fall and make mistakes in order to grow and mature. God used challenges in my life to mold me into the person I am, so over-protecting my children (or trying to control their choices) from their own set of challenges does not benefit them at all. Instead, I need to first love them as God loves them, (realizing He loves them even more than I do), pray for them to hear God’s voice, and then really listen to both their words and their behaviors with a true desire to understand their heart. This is not a book for quick reading, but rather a resource to keep handy when I am struggling to relate to or pray for my adult children, especially when they make decisions that I cannot biblically agree with or condone. 

Click on the book to preorder

Biblical Counseling

A few years ago, I sat outside at a park with a friend, just talking about life. Our hopes, our dreams, and our present realities. She looked at me and said, "I'm really wondering what my next steps are going to be. My next thing. Is there anything you've been wanting to do differently in your life? If money weren't an issue, what is one thing you'd like to pursue doing?"

She got me thinking. I said, "Well, I've never told anyone this, but I'd like to go back to school and get my master's degree in counseling. Not just any counseling, though. Biblical counseling." After serving as a counselor in the connection center in my church for several years and after teaching countless women's Bible study groups, I found a had a real passion and gift to listen well and counsel others with Biblical advice. Even in a public school, I stayed quiet often, but my coworkers often came to my classroom before or after school to talk about their problems and ask for prayer. They said they came to my room when they just needed to feel a sense of calm (aka--a sense of God's presence).

"I could really see you doing that, being a counselor. You'd be really good at it." 

I chewed on the idea for awhile after that day, and eventually I announced to my husband that I made a decision. "When David graduates from college, it's my turn to go back." Most teachers get their master's in something related to education or administration. But just like I didn't want to pursue a degree in education the first time around (I got a degree in Christian Ministries), I had no desire to go any further in the world of public education. Once I got my master's in Biblical counseling, that would be my ticket out of the public education world.

I finally had a goal, a dream, a financial plan to make it happen without any loans, and it didn't seem that far away. I'd waited this long already to go back to school, what would another few years be? But once you have that thought in your head, even a few months can seem too far away. 

And then God interrupted all my plans and called me into full-time ministry a few years before I planned. Well, about twenty years later than I expected, but then about five years earlier than I planned for financially. I moved halfway across the country for a much smaller income, with David only halfway through college, and I will have to admit that I wondered how my new plan to go back to school in a few years would fit into this mix financially. 

God has a way of letting us know that he knows our thoughts even when we don't voice them. He knows our gifts and our passions, our hopes and our desires, and he places us very strategically so they can be of use for His glory. 

As I sat in week 2 of our training here at New Song, I couldn't help but sense God tapping me on the shoulder when I read the agenda for the afternoon. "Intro to Biblical Counseling." 

For the next hour, we sat around the table discussing how the entire ministry at New Song revolves around giving Biblical counseling in every issue that arises with each child that resides here for any length of time. Any opportunity to counsel a student Biblically trumps all other activity, including academics. An assignment or test can wait. A chance to plant God's word in a child's heart in a teachable moment cannot. 

I may not have that degree yet, but God knew my heart and my desire, and He gave me a prime opportunity to put that gift and passion into practice on a daily basis here at New Song. I only have one student for the time being, but I am reminded of the amazing opportunity to teach him about Jesus first thing every morning and to then pray over him before he even starts working for the day. 

Looking back to that conversation with my friend at the park, I realized that God ordained that conversation. He planted that desire in my heart to start mentally and spiritually preparing me for a task ahead that I never saw coming. 

 

Almost a week down

 This week really sped by now that I started teaching virtually. My one student has been a load of fun and personality, and he's connected well with me. 

We start out every morning talking about how we feel, how we slept, what we're excited about, and what we're thankful for. (We'll start the day with a gratitude journal once the students are all on campus). Then we play a little get-to-know-you game where we share one new thing about ourselves and have to repeat everything the person shared on all the prior days. So far it's easy with only four days, but I don't think we'll take the game much more than two weeks. 

After that, we talk about what makes a good leader, and then we read a chapter of a book about Jesus and discover what leadership traits he modeled for us. 

We then go over his agenda and assignments for the day, I pray over him, and then he gets to work. For now, we leave the camera on for most of the day (with a two hour break between 11-1), and he knows he can just ask if there's anything he doesn't understand. We also get back on at 1:45 for a Fitness break that we do together. We've done stretches, animal moves, and today it was a "sweat and spell" activity where he had to do different silly exercises depending on each letter of his name. We had fun and laughed a lot. I sat out a few of the activities, like cartwheels and somersaults. When he asked why I wasn't doing them, I just said, "Once you get past forty, you just don't do those things anymore." Haha.

His last assignment every day is to write in his journal about how he feels, what he learned, what he enjoyed, and what he hopes about the next day. I love how putting journal writing as the last thing makes him beg to write in his journal! That's exactly how it worked with my last class. Hey, it's one way to get them excited to write!

I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know my new teammate/student life assistant, Julie. She's a native Columbus resident, born and raised here, so she's a wealth of information and a great resource to me. She's also got an amazing missional heart, so we connect very well and on a very deep level. I couldn't ask for a better person to share a classroom with every day. We both know that we're here as partners on a mission field and coworkers in a ministry. We are still praying for the right set of houseparents to answer the call to join our team here at New Song to help us disciple disadvantaged kids and raise them up to be godly leaders in their communities. If you know anyone interested or equipped with the right gifts for such a ministry, please have them contact me or reach out to Bob at newsongmission.org. We are praying in faith for God to bring just the right couple so our kids on the waiting list can soon call this their home away from home. 

Now that David's officially back in Texas at DBU, Mike and I are finally starting to relax a little bit in the evenings after work. We've all been battling quite a bit of sickness the last few weeks and are realizing just how exhausted we are. Besides being physically exhausted from stomach issues and a really bad cold passing around, we're also mentally exhausted from so.much.change. So, if you don't hear from me by phone, text, e-mail, or even on this blog for a lengthy period of time, don't take it personally. We're still trying to process a whole lot of new things and don't have a lot of mental or social energy to give after a full day of work. 

Just a few good summer memories

Last night out with David in Columbus

 

Recap of the last few days

Am I dreaming?

Yes, I literally thought those words as I sat in this absolutely adorable little tea/coffee shop in Nashville on Friday morning with my new teammate and office manager for a team building/get to know you time. We weren't talking about test scores, discipline, parent involvement, lesson plans, new curriculum, new laws, etc., you know, the things you usually talk about the Friday before school starts. Nope. We just sat together and shared our stories, our testimonies about how God has worked in our lives. All while I sat drinking a delicious cup of chai. As we all shared and got to know each other on this deeper level, I heard this voice in my head saying, "Wow. This is real."

I guess I really can call us the dream team. I'm so, so thankful to have been chosen and called by God to be here on this team. 

Early the next morning, Mike, David, and I left with Matt and Dane to head up to Warsaw for the first time since we moved here to help Peggy move the remaining big items, and several bins of clothes, decorations, dishes, etc. to the basement and garage of her new house.

We took about three loads of three trailers, and now she and Mark will get the remaining things out this week before she closes on the house on Friday. I am a bit excited about the new house she's moving into because if you look just two houses down the street, you'll find the first house Mike and I lived in when we first got married. It used to be white, but now it's a really pretty blue. It was a pretty small house, but oh, how I just loved that screened in front porch. I spent pretty much most of my time out there. I'm excited that Peggy's house has an identical screened in porch in her new house. I know where I'll be hanging out whenever I come visit. 

My old house. 

That night we took a break from moving and went to the New Paris races, where Mike, Matt, and Mark went as kids growing up, and where Mike took me a few times when we were dating and as newlyweds. I"ll be honest, I didn't really enjoy them much back then, but the experience could grow on me a bit more now. I enjoyed picking out the nicest looking car and hoping it would win. :)

A stray cat showed up at Peggy's old house a year or so ago, and she just had kittens. Aren't they sweet? 

I enjoyed spending some time getting to know my beautiful niece, Reese, a little better this weekend. I am thankful to be within a few hours of her so maybe we can spend a little more time together. She is the only girl grandchild on the Alspaugh side of the family. 

Still finding more stuff from the barn, garage, and shed to take back home to our own barns, garages, and sheds. There's something inspiring about watching those three brothers, and David, all team up together to get a job done. 

David, the cat whisperer

On the way out, we stopped at the cemetery to visit their dad's grave. The first that Matt and Mike had been back since the day of the funeral. The first that I had ever been there. 

A stone is coming soon. 

Mike and David taking a closer look at the golf clubs they brought back from his dad's house. 

Life's just kind-of one big sense of adventure right now. 

 

One of the hardest goodbyes

 

This is the year of never-ending goodbyes, it seems. Moving forward always means leaving something or someone behind. 

This amazing kid spent his entire summer helping us move forward in SO MANY WAYS, while working hard toward a goal of his own--to buy his aunt and uncle's old Mustang and drive it back home to DBU. He'd been saving for quite a while, but then he worked with his Uncle Matt every day for the last five weeks helping out with the business and earning enough money to purchase the car. 

David was able to be part of so many parts of this huge transition in our lives, between helping us find our future home and land, helping his dad find a new truck for work, helping us find a church that felt like home, being an actual part of the business that Mike is joining Matt in, and finishing the job of moving his grandma out of her house and into a new one. He stayed just long enough to be able to do that last thing, and then he packed up his new car last night after getting back from Warsaw.

And this morning he drove out to New Song to say goodbye to me and the cats (he said goodbye to his dad when Mike got to Matt's ready for work this morning) before he drove away. 

I think I got all my tears out ahead of time yesterday just thinking about it, because so far I've been holding up okay. (Perhaps because I started teaching today and have been quite preoccupied.) I sure am going to miss him, though. He stayed 20 minutes away from New Song all summer living up in the Man Cave above the garage at his aunt and uncle's house. I think that separation was helpful in preparing me, making it feel more like his first two years of college when I only saw him on the weekends, sometimes not for weeks at a time. Now those weeks at a time are going to be for much longer stretches, more like months and months at a time. But I wouldn't want him anywhere else than where he is working on his degree at Dallas Baptist University. And I'm happy to know that he will be close to Juan and the rest of my family that lives in Texas. 

The hardest part is knowing that we took away his home. But I am super thankful for his summer involvement here in all the big things so that this has somewhat of a homelike feel now, too. 

At the time I'm writing this, he's well over half-way home. I think he's got about 4-5 hours of driving left, that is, if he doesn't decide to take a break for the night early and stay overnight somewhere. 

Sure do love that kid and am so proud of his independence, his maturity, and his mechanical knowlege and experience that give us more confidence in his ability to make a long trip on his own. Praying for God to keep him surrounded by his guardian angel until he's back at DBU, safe and sound. 

A Sweet Surprise

 Remember how I said I pray for God to surprise me some way each day? Yesterday His surprise completely warmed my heart.

After church, Mike and David and I went out to grab a bite to eat before getting some groceries. Several times during the morning, I found myself really missing Juan, realizing that I'd let several days slip by without connecting with him. I knew I needed to reach out to him sometime later that day.

As we sat waiting for our food, I scrolled through Facebook on my phone. I started to scroll right past Stepping Stones Church's video from their morning sermon when a quick glimpse of Juan caught my eye! He was standing near the front talking to someone, then looked toward the back of the church for a second, before walking to his seat. For that split second, I not only got to see him, but I got to see his face. :) Mike and David thought I was crazy waving at my phone and getting all excited. Guess it's a mom thing. Such a sweet surprise. 

Soaking in the present

My "present" is constantly changing right now, so it's hard not to live holding on to the past or stretching out toward the future. Because when I stop in my tracks, breathe, and look around, I realize that these limbo days hold treasure. Treasure that I will look back at, possibly very soon, and wish I had savored. 

Of course I want to feel settled. To not be the new girl who hasn't yet had a chance to warm up to everyone. To not be living on just the essentials in a little RV, without access to all my "stuff" and with a little space to spread out inside when you come in for the night. To have all my financials sorted and figured out, with a clear budget made on what's coming in and what's going out all month. To already have my community set up and know my people. To have a consistent schedule and diet and exercise routine that might settle my nerves and my stomach. 

In reading up on dealing with kids who come from hard places, I was recently reminded at how normal rhythms and routines make us feel safe and secure. That's why it's so important to establish clear expectations and routines in a classroom during the first few days of school. They help everyone to know what to expect at every hour of the day so everyone can settle down, settle in, and start learning. I guess moving can fall into one of those "hard places" for an adult. No matter how exciting the move is and how promising it makes the future look, all the transition and change can pull that security right out from under us. 

So then I stretch myself into the future, and I think: "Well, once we close on and then fix up the new house, I'll have a place to settle in to and call home. I can spread out, organize my things, and have all my stuff within reach." And then I just tell myself to hold on a little bit longer. Or I think: "Once we get through all the changes of starting accounts at a new bank, switching phone and internet providers, pay all the final utility bills from the last house, change our address for every piece of mail that comes through, etc., then my evenings will be free to really relax and enjoy myself." And I can even possibly think that once it stops raining every other day (don't shoot me for saying that, Texas friends!), I can get into a good exercise routine of walking a certain distance each day, which will make me feel more energized. 

But if I'm constantly looking back at my security and looking forward to being able to settle in, I am not fully living in God's beautiful provisions each day since I've been here.

I've wanted to go camping with Mike for so long, and now here we are, literally camping every day for what will end up being two to three full months. Out in nature, where it couldn't be any more peaceful and quiet. With deer running around and visiting every day or so. With a campfire going every night that it's not raining. With a view of the stars that takes your breath away. Less than a ten minute walk down the gravel road to where I work five days a week. I literally don't have to leave the campus at all during the week if I don't want to. I'm free to go early to shower, and to use the laundry facilities in the evenings or on the weekends. Just a quick two minutes in the car. Sometimes when I'm out walking to and from work (when it's not raining), I stop dead in my tracks, take it all in, and remind myself that I really am living here. I may not have a home right now, but that school building/house sure does feel like home, like I was always meant to be there. 

I've been gone for four weeks now, and every week has brought a new adventure and a new person into my life that God has very clearly and divinely arranged for me to know. Week one brought a week with Chrissy, whose friendship and deep connection touches my life in a way I never knew how much I needed. Week 2 brought a week of silence so I could get to know my surroundings without anyone around, take some time to read and relax and take in all of my natural surroundings. It also brought a house closing and a house showing and brought an accepted offer on my husband's dream. Week 3 brought a 21-year-old camp counselor that I connected with in an amazing way, showing me why God wanted me to be here in the middle of July. It also brought a quick meeting with my soon to be assistant teacher. Week 4 brought my first 40 hour work-week where I worked completely alone for the first four days researching leadership ideas and developing my very own curriculum to teach Spanish this year to our students in a fun, engaging way.  I say I worked alone, except for the few times I connected with the office manager and found out we have so much in common and are both really looking forward to working together. By Friday afternoon, we talked about meeting up at her church (which sounds very much like LakePointe, though on a smaller scale, of course) and going out for coffee sometime soon. Week 5 brings my new assistant, Julia, who starts on Monday morning, and I get the privilege of showing her around because I'm the only one who will be there! We've already met briefly one morning at camp, and we're already texting each other. We will be in training together for most of this week, while also working on how we will set up the room, decorate, etc. (Watching everyone at Bullock Elementary post all their team and staff pics was a bit emotional at first for me this week, but I really do think God is putting me on the dream team here. 

With a whole new staff coming on and the need to officially roll out the New Song Leadership Academy, we're not starting with students here for the first nine weeks. We're going to be doing extensive training and planning, as well as team building, so that New Song Leadership Academy can have an even greater impact than before. We want to start out strong and united. That means that the students will be starting out their first nine weeks at home and in public schools, and then those who really need New Song will withdraw at the second nine weeks in order to come on here. It's not ideal, but it was a decision made with a lot of prayer and with the support of the New Song board. However, we have one returning student who will not enroll in public school, but he will start with New Song's normal virtual curriculum at home for the first nine weeks, and I will be working with him as a virtual student so that I can learn the programs that they use. It's a homeschool program called Time4Learning, and I will be adding some of the virtual ideas that I used back during the COVID shutdown that were successful with my students. I will meet him this coming Friday, and then he'll start his virtual learning on Monday morning. I think we will also do a virtual "meeting" on a daily basis, if possible. I think it's a good plan, and I'm really thankful for the way we're taking this extra time to start strong. 

So, I'm working hard right now on savoring the present. No matter how inconvenienced I am, how much I miss my old rhythms and routines (and friends and family) or how much I long for the future that looks so promising. Today is yesterday's future, and it holds promise. God was there yesterday, He is here today, and He will be there tomorrow. Every morning I ask Him to surprise me in some way, and He never fails. 

Here's a few pics of the last week:

Mike and I took an evening to explore one of the trails here at New Song. Next time I'll have to track it by recording it on Strava. 

Getting all my stuff somewhat organized. Feels good to at least have some of my things out of storage and easily accessible. 

Feels good to be in a classroom again.

Got my 3 rules up. Be Respectful. Be Responsible. Work Rigorously. 

My handy magnets. 

Sitting outside to enjoy my egg chair.

My temporary desk set up

My lunch view the other day. 

Brainstorming what makes a good leader. We're going to hone in on what makes a godly leader. 

Campfires whenever we can. I have marshmallows on the grocery list now. :)

Evening movie/TV nights with Mike. 

This week I will try to get some pics of the "Dream Team".

Waymaker

Today I worked on setting up my teacher desk and making the room more my own, so most of my stuff is pretty much put away. I am amazed at how little I brought after 19 years of teaching, but I guess that's why I sold it, purged it, or gave it away. I really and truly only brought the essentials or the things that I just couldn't think of teaching again without.

I spent the rest of the day working on my computer researching curriculums and leadership programs, while also figuring out how to wire funds from one bank to another. Moving sure is confusing and complicated! I suppose I'd rather deal with all the complexities of managing different accounts than with the zero funds I moved to Texas with 19 years ago. God has been good to us.

Before I forget, I wanted to take some time to leave my thoughts on this amazing book that I finished reading a few days ago.

To be honest, I'm not really sure the subtitle really matches or captures the heart of the book. It reverts the focus back on self and our own dreams, when that's not what the book really says. When I read it, I could feel the author's raw honesty and vulnerability, starting from her first date with her husband as a young teen, to her wedding night, to the birth of her six biological children, to the moment she so awkwardly and surprisingly felt God tug on her heart to adopt a very specific child she didn't even know, to the physical, emotional, and mental demands that that call took on her life, to the intense spiritual warfare she and her family faced for following God's call in obedience, no matter the cost, to her absolute humility and transparency about finding her way back. No matter the mountain in front of them and the impossibility of the task ahead, God continued to make a way, though it wasn't without a sacrificial cost to the entire family. 

I so appreciate Ann's transparency. Through other books and studies, she inspired me to count my gifts daily, to a thousand and beyond, to live a life of gratitude even in the face of extreme difficulty and heartache. But now I get her urgency to do so and to lead others to do the same. Her life's been hard and excruciatingly painful. Gratitude is a conscious choice she makes every day. And her gratitude has ushered in so many miraculous blessings over the years, things she can't explain other than to give all the credit to the Waymaker. 

I had no idea how much I would relate to her stories in this book. I am so thankful God led me to buy it on my last full day in Texas (also because I ran in to one of my closest friends in the bookstore that day that I didn't think I was going to be able to see that one last time before leaving). See? There he was, making a way for that meeting when my own schedule couldn't fit it in. 

If you haven't read the book, go get it now. Read it slowly and chew on every chapter. It might just change your life and remind you of how God works together every tiny detail of our lives in an incredibly intimate way. 

Shalom awaits you. 

Touring Nashville, IN

Yesterday we got up early and picked up both David and my nephew Dane to go try out a new church we hadn't been to before. It's called Athens Church, and it's the church where Bob and Lisa, the founders of New Song mission, have attended for the last six years since it started. It's a small church with mostly all young people (I'd say in their 30's probably), but it has a very LakePointe feel. We may check them out again after we've visited a few more churches. 

After that, we all went to SAM's Club to get some groceries since we have to take advantage of when we go into town. (When it takes 30 minutes to get to town from New Song, you have to make each trip worthwhile). Then we grabbed a quick lunch, took Dane back home, took our groceries back home, and then headed to Chrissy's mom's house to get my school boxes out of storage.

Once we got back to unload the school boxes into the classroom, we made a spur of the moment decision to make a little trip into historic Nashville (about another 20 minutes away) to see what all the hype was all about. David will be heading back to DBU before long, so I really wanted for him to go with us. Even though we got there shortly before everything closed, we actually enjoyed just looking around when all the people cleared out. Nashville has some really cute little shops, restaurants, and scenery. We didn't make it to the coffee shop before it closed, but we did get to experience Brozinni's Pizza, which I'm told is as close to New York style pizza as I'm going to find around here. 

Nashville is definitely a place I'll take my friends and family to when they come to visit. And I'm so thankful David got to go with us for our first experience there. He's such an adventurous kid and so fun to hang around with. Sure am going to miss him when he goes back to DBU, though I wouldn't want him anywhere else. Plus knowing Juan will have his brother close by brings me comfort. 

Sure am looking forward to seeing the beautiful colors this fall, especially knowing how much wooded land is surrounding my new home. 

The Wise Woman Shoppe. Intriguing. Too bad it was closed. Don't worry. I'll be back. 

When we got home, we decided we needed to take advantage of the beautiful weather, so we enjoyed a nice campfire together. Sure wish I would stop forgetting to get marshmallows!

With Boot's new harness and leash, even he got to enjoy some time by the fire. 

And let me tell you, the stars out here are absolutely amazing on a clear night. This picture does NOT do them justice at all.