Widows and orphans

 James 1:27--Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. 

In the midst of all of our exciting adventures coming up, my heart has also been touched with deep sadness in several lives around me. Several of my dearest friends have dealt with the heartache of losing their spouse too soon. 

A coworker lost her husband several years ago just days after their baby entered the world. She's an incredible survivor and has come so, so far due to the community of support all around her, but I still pray for her daily. I can't imagine the pain she still faces on a daily basis without him.

Another coworker lost her husband pretty unexpectedly this last year, and though I watched her sob at the funeral, she still mustered the strength to put a smile on her face and come back to work. I pray for her every morning because I can't imagine the loneliness she feels going home to an empty house each day. 

A friend lost her husband through an unexplainable tragedy, and I've watched her sift through every stage of grief, jumping back and forth through anger, heartache, and despair. Yet she's found the strength to pick up and move forward, making a new life for herself and her child. 

Friday I spent the morning with a friend whose husband just came home from the hospital on hospice, as cancer continues to eat away at his earthly body, destroying the dreams they had of high school sweethearts growing old together.  She's absolutely depleted in strength right now, both emotionally and physically. My heart aches for her as she tries to keep a brave face, but she's falling apart inside. Shattered, wondering why God did not choose to heal him on this side of eternity. I feel so helpless, but I wrap her in prayer daily. I don't know if I'll still be here to support her when she has to plan his funeral, but she'll always have my prayer support. 

I left her house on Friday, glancing in the bedroom at a man who's still present in the home but on the verge of leaving this world to meet Jesus. wondering how to feel, only to drive across town to attend the funeral of another coworker's spouse who didn't end up making it out of the hospital. She stood with such strength, supporting her family, her children who just lost an amazing, kind, and caring father. Yet my heart swelled with gratitude to see so many friends and family rallying around her, even many past coworkers I hadn't seen in years. It showed that when you love others deeply, they never forget it. She loves others deeply, and now it's our turn to return that love. I will likely see her one more time before I leave.

In less than two weeks, I'm headed out to live closer to my mother-in-law, who also recently found herself living alone after almost 49 years. While we celebrated Father's Day here, she spent the day visiting her husband's grave and also missing her own father who left this earth within the last two years. Watching from a distance as my father-in-law's health declined, I felt so helpless. Now I will have a chance to love on her, grow close to her, and support her in this stage of life. 

And then there's my son, the one we adopted 9 years ago, who is about to launch himself into independent living, moving into his own apartment in just a few days. It's been exciting to be part of the search for his own place and then to shop with him and hear him verbalize how he wants everything to look and feel. Having been adopted at the age of 15, we didn't have much (or any) influence over his specific tastes or styles. He's always seen and wanted things very different than they were in our home, plus he's very much an artist and sees the world through a different lens than we do. Where we see function and frugality, he sees imbalance and unrest. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about his tastes, styles, and the "look" he wants his apartment to have. And I'm so proud of him for how far he's come in the last year, establishing himself financially. But my heart also sees the hurt his heart carries right now, knowing he's on his own and won't be coming home to family every night. I hope he doesn't feel a sense of abandonment all over again, though I know it's inevitable. I'm so torn over leaving him, excited for this new chapter for him, knowing it's time, but also wishing I didn't have to be going so far away. 

I know God used his presence in my life over the last fourteen years to truly understand and have empathy for the orphan. I don't know what backgrounds my new students will be coming from. but I know their stories are going to have a similar theme of abandonment and trauma, so parenting my son was definite preparation to reach the students God is now sending my way. 

Watching my sweet friends and coworkers lose their spouses and walking beside them in that grief was obvious preparation for how to support and love my mother-in-law in the year ahead. And perhaps also some of the mothers of my new students. 

It's all also a reminder to love, respect, and cherish my own husband because we never know when God might take them from us. This whole move is really about him and making the sacrifice necessary to allow him to become the man and leader God created him to be. The position at New Song was God's way of showing that he cared about my heart's desire, as well, and has a plan for me, too. But He has made it pretty clear to me that this move is about obedience and submission on my part so I can get "out of the way" for him to raise my husband up after several defeating, humbling years. If I've learned anything in three years of ReEngage, it's that. 

So, in obedience, I'm leaving behind very close widows and orphans in my life in order to support widows and orphans somewhere else. I'm torn, but I'm ready to see what God has in store.