And suddenly it hit me.
In four days, my kids will leave my classroom, and I will hug them goodbye without being able to tell them, "Stop by to visit me next year!" They're so incredibly hard to contain right now that I haven't found a single chance to tell them I won't be coming back. I figured that as more and more things disappeared from our classroom, they'd start asking questions, but they haven't asked. I did have one particular student ask if I was going to leave and go to another school, and I asked him why he was asking me that (thinking he was taking notice of everything disappearing). He then said, "Because that's what our teacher from last year did." I just nodded my head yes, but we didn't continue the conversation because I want to tell them all at once. But in that moment, my heart really hurt for that student, who already struggles with abandonment issues. Is he just going to think that all of his teachers will leave at the end of his year with them?
Thankfully, we've got four days full of fun, meaningful, memorable activities. Three morning visits to the Natatorium for water safety/swim lessons. A classroom Awards' ceremony, sharing our books of letters that they wrote to each other, making memory books, a visit from my children's book author friend, Regina Stone Matthews, our last class store, having a classroom book fair (where they get to "purchase" books that their classmates wrote and illustrated), and taking time to put their heads together to work on puzzles. It's going to go by so fast!
In five days, I'll be packing up my classroom, enjoying a last catered lunch together with my coworkers, turning in my laptop and my keys, and walking out the door of Bullock Elementary for the last time. I know people come and go from schools all the time, but 19 years in the same building is a long time. Soon after, my e-mail will be disabled and I'll be locked out of all the educational programs associated with my school e-mail.
I've been busy finishing digital courses I started, getting my Google Level 2 certification (my goal for last year that I finally followed through on--just took and passed the exam this morning!), printing off transcripts and certificates, and transferring files to my personal accounts, hoping I haven't missed something important, while at the same time, hoping I'm not holding on to things I will no longer need. Sometimes we get so bogged down with stuff, materials, and files that starting over with nothing seems quite enticing. Back to simplicity. I think it's that way with packing up my house, as well. I'm looking forward to a simpler life, at least for awhile. A chance to get out from under everything and just breathe for a bit.
I'm glad that all these goodbyes and chapter closings will come in stages because I see this next week as quite an emotional one. Though it's very hard for me to feel or express emotion in the moment. It's usually in retrospect, and not until I try to write it out somehow, either in a blog post, in a letter to someone, or various lines of a poem scribbled somewhere. I hate that I can seem so emotionless when people around me are tearing up, but I guess that's just how God made me to function.
Wednesday I will attend my writer's group which, if all goes according to plan with our move, it will likely be the last time I get to attend. A group that welcomed me with open arms, guided me, mentored me, taught me, and encouraged me for the last ten years. I will miss them and am forever grateful to them for how they grew me as a writer. So thankful for Facebook so I can still stay connected, though they won't be able to critique my writing whenever I need it. I hope to find a new writer's group to hopefully get my new students involved in (one particular high school girl has mentioned wanting to be a writer), but finding a Christian one might be unique to this area and LakePointe Church. We'll see. I have a feeling I'm going to find that there are many very unique things/blessings about LakePointe Church that I will struggle to find elsewhere.
So, here we go, into my first week/stage of goodbyes. Hopefully, for my own emotional sanity, I'll have time to check in here to let you know how I'm doing.
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