Fortunately, all the purging, decluttering, and reorganizing is pretty much done. Coming home from Colombia helped with that. (Plus, I've spent several hours a day in my classroom for the last week two weeks doing just the same--purging, decluttering, and reorganizing, which kept me in the organizing mood). I think I'm driving David crazy. He would prefer to keep the legos strewn all over the floor so he can see all of the pieces, despite the fact that you can't even walk across his bedroom to get to his bed. Needless to say, we're saving his room for last.
I'm so ready to get this show on the road--to get this home study done and sent to Colombia so we can know whether or not we can continue this process to finally bring "Juan" home to us and possibly make both of those boys part of our family in all legal senses of the word. It's all still so surreal, though, and I've been amazed at how guarded my heart is. There are days that I am so void of all emotion, just going through the motions. At first it concerned me until I realized that it was just how my heart has responded to it all after what it went through three years ago.
We still have no idea where the money is going to come from to complete this process, but God has dropped hints and reminders to me every morning that He will provide. Here was yesterday's example:
Isaiah 58: 5a,7a
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen.....
....to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter?
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
I know in good faith that we have cared for Julian both in a loving, familial way and in a financial way to cover his needs up until now. Whatever we have done "for the least of these, we did for Him." (Matthew 25:40). God has led him to a point where he can begin to take responsibility for himself, now that He has built up a good network of connections around him, for which we are thankful, but I know God will reward the sacrifices that we made for him in his time of need when he truly was a "poor wanderer" with no where to go, no way to provide for himself, and had no one to turn to.
My reminder today was how God provided for Ruth and Naomi when they were widows.
On another note, God has really been working on my heart, showing me just how selfishly I've looked at this whole adoption possibility. I keep looking at it as another part/step/chapter to our journey, as how it is going to change our family, as how God is going to provide for our needs, etc. It's all been about me and about us. However, I am realizing that more than it being a continuation of our story, it's actually still their story. This is a story of how God is continuing to provide for them, guide them, and answer their prayers. I'm reminded of a tender piece of information I received last summer, one of those gaps that God began filling in for me while at the time I couldn't understand why He wanted me to know. I had always wondered how "Juan" had reacted when he found out we weren't coming for him and that I wouldn't be calling him anymore. Later I was told that he wouldn't even come out of his room for a week because he was so devastated, and every night when they would say their prayers before going to bed, he would just cry, saying, "Please bring my Mama Rachelle back to me." Sounds like this is a story of God hearing his cries, not just ours.
So, on that note, I'll stand on the promise that all will be provided just as it is needed. Now, I'm off to clean.....