Friends are essential

Life comes in stages. Some are fun, full of happiness. Others are rushed, leaving us feeling overwhelmed. Still others are hard or sad, full of anguish, despair, and pain. What makes the greatest difference in each stage are the friends who stand beside us. Friends make the good times sweeter, the rushed times more purposeful, and the hard times more bearable. And then there are the friends who become like family. They're the ones with a deep connection to your soul who will always be there to carry you, no matter how much time has passed since you last communicated. 

When I moved away from Texas, I still kept in touch with my closest friends, either by sending cards, writing letters, texting, or just keeping up on social media. (Honestly, I'm not much into calling people, though I occasionally will give in to a phone call. Talking on the phone is just a very awkward way to communicate for me. That's another subject, though, for another post.) I'm glad I stayed in touch with them and still nurtured those friendships, because those are the people that showed up for me when I had to fly back to Texas in an emergency and stay for an indefinite amount of time. I cherish the time I got to spend with those friends and feel like our friendship deepened. 

Spending those three weeks in Texas made me realize how essential my friends are and made me want to invest myself into finding a new set of friends here in Indiana as quickly as I can, though I realize that authentic friendships take time. Life just lacks so much meaning, joy, and support without close friends. There's something about knowing someone deeply and being fully known by your friends that feels so settling. My new coworkers have become my new close friends that I feel will become like family over time, but it sure is hard not being known and feeling like you have to prove who you are. 

I'm an introvert, so my social battery only goes so far, but I'm determined to get involved with other women at my church as much as I can so I can start to feel like a part of a community of friends. I'm finding that you just have to show up and put yourself out there, and those relationships begin to find you. I attended the ladies' night out and met a few people there, then I went to the Bible study during October and started to connect with a few people there. We showed up as a couple for a community group Friendsgiving dinner and then a Christmas caroling/cookie fellowship. And last night I went to the ladies' night out dinner, despite it being cold and already dark before I even left the house. The connections I'm making are worth the extra effort to me. I'm looking forward to seeing how God guides in several of the people I've been connecting with. It's also nice to go to church and be recognized by more and more people. 

Just like with our house remodel--there's a lot of potential and a grand vision. But you gotta start somewhere and inconvenience yourself first. You have to make the sacrifice and the investment to get a good return. The house will eventually come to completion and feel like home, and the connections I'm making will turn into friendships that will make life that much sweeter. It just takes time. 

So today, I'm holding my friends close, cherishing special memories with them, and just showing up whenever I have the opportunity to make a new friend. 

My newest connections, the ladies' night that I went to just last night

My dear friend from ReEngage who lived an hour away from me, but met me for lunch just before I moved and came out to see me when I ended up back in Texas.

My Bible study friend, amazing prayer warrior, and bike-riding buddy who used to live just down the road from me.

Been doing writer's group together for a decade. Getting ready to start reading her latest book, Teatime with Jesus. It'll be like having her join us for tea every morning. 

My amazing writing mentor, who I'm privileged to call my friend.

A now-retired coworker who prayed and encouraged me through Juan's adoption process, who I now introduced to my writer's group as she grows into an incredibly inspiring writer.

A sweet Bible study and Life Group friend

My soulmates

My newest friends/coworkers

First ladies' night out I tried at my new church

A friend I truly only saw once every few months or so, but oh, when I did--she spoke to my soul and always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

My "bestie" who truly became one of my nearest and dearest friends over the years that our "kids" dated each other

There are no words to describe this friend, other than that she's the friend who always showed up. Always. 

When. you travel to Mexico together several times, live by each other, babysit each other's kids or animals, and do life together in Life Group and small group, you just become family. And family is family forever. 

Coworkers who encourage you and tell you you're beautiful every single day. She truly is my beautiful friend.

There's many more who I couldn't find pictures of. I'm trying to be much more intentional about taking pictures these days. 

Friends truly do add flavor and joy to life, no matter what season of life you're in. But you've got to put yourself out there, show up, and be vulnerable to find them. 

Christmas break begins

Not much more than a year ago, I found myself sitting over dinner with a close friend telling her how unsettled I felt at my job, my 19th year at the same school teaching bilingual children. Post-COVID classroom teaching just didn't feel like a good fit for me anymore. My biggest struggle? The noise. 

After a year with about half the kids in school and half the kids joining online from home, the year they filled the school with everyone again brought with it a very loud atmosphere. Especially when they saw the COVID numbers start to go up again, so they brought back all the plastic shields. Those plastic shields made kids feel caged, and then when they wanted to be heard, they had to yell. I found myself hyper-sensitive to the noise levels and just knew I needed to find a quieter atmosphere to work in for my own mental sanity.

My friend suggested I look into other teaching positions where I could just work with small groups, so I immediately started looking into a bunch of positions opening where I could do that. But over Christmas break, I also felt compelled to update my resume and emphasize my ministry experience and education. 

Now here I am a year later, closing up my quietest semester ever where I taught virtually, to one student, from an incredibly peaceful location at New Song Mission. While my past coworkers and colleagues sorted through MAP scores and are working through the Science of Reading Academy all year, I spent my time in a classroom with a fireplace, immersing myself in online leadership seminars, listening to speakers talk about biblical leadership, and developing a curriculum to teach our incoming students how to be leaders. I also got to create my very own Spanish curriculum to give my students a taste for the Spanish language, food, and culture. 

I worked with an amazing teammate who can be just as quiet as me and who I can really talk to and connect with on a deep, spiritual level. We decorated our classroom together with a travel the world/multicultural theme, and we team-taught our one student virtually while praying faithfully for new houseparents to complete our team so God could fill our classroom. We also pulled off a Mom's retreat together to serve and minister to the moms of many of our campers and of our incoming students. We make a really good team together, and I'm so thankful for how God answered my prayers in bringing her to New Song. November scattered our whole New Song team in different places, but by the time we all came back together, God also answered our prayers by bringing new houseparents for the boys' home. They've been here for two weeks now, getting settled, and we already love them. It's very obvious that God is the one putting this team together. 

I didn't technically start until August 1st, but Mike wanted to get to Indiana as early in July as possible because that's when his brother needed him the most to help with the business. And Bob said I was welcome to check out the camps going on because that's where most of our students come from. I was able to be very present during the last week of camp, and the day the campers came, I connected with a ten year old boy named Kayden over a cornhole game--the whole time thinking, "Maybe he'll be one of my students." 

I'm happy to tell you that Kayden will be coming to campus as one of our five students this January. In fact, four of the students are coming from that last week of camp, and the fifth student is Jaylen, my virtual student, the only returning student from last year. We will have one second grader, two third graders, and two fifth graders--and we are more than ready for them. I'm sure we'll have some challenges and friction ahead, but I sure was happy to end my last virtual class with Jaylen and tell him that I'd see him IN PERSON after his break. 

With our houseparents on campus, we went through several trainings together this week, and then we ended the week and semester with an invitation to have a hot lunch all together with Nikky and Jacob, the new houseparents, in the boys' home where they now reside. I can't think of a better way to bring the first semester to a close and usher in Christmas break. 

I wish I could say I have a restful, quiet break planned for the next two weeks, but not so much. David has two doctor appointments, the house still needs extensive work (which hopefully means I'll be able to continue painting), I'm not done Christmas shopping yet, and I'm far behind on a writing project I committed to over a year ago. And we hope to travel to Warsaw for a day or two at some point to celebrate Christmas with Mike's mom and his younger brother. 

And then there's temps like these coming our way just in time for Christmas, which make me tense up just looking at them. I may just have to crawl under a big blanket and hibernate.

Internal Progress

Not a lot of external progress to share this week on the house, but God has definitely been doing a work on me internally through this remodel.

Everywhere I look now, I see mud. Lots and lots of mud. And if there's anything I can't stand, it's mud. I hate getting and feeling dirty. And the hardest part about that is knowing that it's likely going to look like this for a long time. The warm weather has passed, so I doubt it's going to dry up any time soon. Freeze, maybe. But dry up, not so much. 

It's Christmas time, and I just want a clean, cozy home to decorate with all my nativities, a place to invite a friend over for coffee, tea, hot cider or hot chocolate in the crockpot. A comfy corner to put my feet up, wrap up with a blanket by the fire, and curl up with a good book. We've got the cozy part going on with the new wood stove, but the clean is hard to come by. Mike and David are used to working in the garage with grease and all sorts of dirty things, so they don't quite get my sense of discomfort. 

I can easily get stuck in the mud, stuck in my discomfort and dissatisfaction, stuck in an ungrateful state and complain my days away, making my husband feel very unappreciated for all of his time and hard work. I can wish for something better, nicer, and cleaner and forget the potential that lies ahead. Then I could miss the beauty of what's coming. 

I read in a marriage book that some couples give up on their marriage during the hard times, not knowing that they missed the best part that was yet to come. I may hate traipsing through the mud right now, but I can't lose sight of the beauty that lies ahead. The future we will be able to build here on this land we now call home. 

Mike and Matt happen to work in a trade where they are constantly upgrading other people's homes and are able to walk away with materials the people no longer wanted, materials that they've been storing away to put back into our house. The more patient I am, the more materials they come by. Yesterday Mike showed me all the materials and plan he has for a deck to wrap around part of the house. My mind sees endless mud and a long winter ahead. His mind sees plans for projects and improvements I haven't even considered, thinking the money won't stretch that far.

We all three went for a walk in the woods the other evening with a map to help us find the property line. Now that the leaves have all fallen, it's a lot easier to see the land. I needed that walk, right along the neighbor's property line, seeing all the trails on his side--the potential of what our own side can look like some day. Trails on our own land, places where grandkids can come explore some day, nieces and nephews can come hang out, friends can come visit with their families, places we can go for nature walks, etc. I may not have a place to invite them to come right now, but eventually I will, and it will be worth the wait. Worth trekking through the mud for the time being. 

But, yeah, it sure is a lot of mud. What you see there is only a fraction of it. Each season has its purpose. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it through this season of mud and remember that beauty lies ahead. That's why they're called seasons, because they only last for a time. 

Huge progress

Not gonna lie. Coming back from Texas has not been an easy transition. As thankful as I was for all the progress made on the house (and so many volunteered hours from our family here), bringing David and his needs into the mix left me running on fumes for the first few weeks. Mike and I have had little to no time to talk or reconnect, I struggled to feel settled or at home, and I found it much more emotionally difficult to leave my close friends and family in Texas than I had when I left in July. Plus I felt like I had to put all my own needs to the side to take care of David and make sure he was as comfortable and cared for as possible. The unexpected 3 week interruption into my new life (new job, new church, new groups, new friends, new routines, new connections, new momentum, etc.) left me feeling very disconnected. I hadn't been here long enough to feel secure in anything, and it almost felt like I was starting over in all areas. 

I'm still having a rough time trying to settle in to this new space and find any sense of daily routine, but I'm making it. We're making it. One day, one hour at a time. As my teammate and I discussed the need to establish solid routines and procedures for our new students coming to campus soon as a way to make them feel safe and secure, it was a good reminder to me of why I have felt so discombobulated. Feeling unsettled can have a huge effect on our mental health. 

I was sick my first weekend home, then my mother-in-law came the second weekend so we could celebrate Thanksgiving, so this weekend was the first chance I've had to clean, organize, put up a few Christmas decorations, and settle in a little bit. 

It definitely helped some. Now to figure out the coordination of schedules and managing how to share one bathroom and take care of David's needs while not treating him like a child, that's the next step. Lol. 

However, despite my own mental/emotional struggle over the last 3 weeks, Mike, Matt, and Mark (Matt's father-in-law) made some HUGE progress on the house that I must congratulate them on. When we first looked at this house with a sunken room due to a basement wall caving in, I thought only crazy people would ever consider buying such a house. Honestly, to me, it sounded like a situation you'd want to run far away from if you had any economic sense. But to watch those three men go down in the basement to assess the damage and come back up saying, confidently, "We can fix that." Well, I didn't know what to even think of that. 

But, lo and behold. That's exactly what they did. It took a little longer than expected due to trying to get the house a little more ready for winter and then for David to come, but this week's progress just amazes me. 

Let's start with a little flashback.....

When we first bought the house

Below is the sunken room, which is the laundry/mud room. 

They completely dug out and tore out the basement walls, along with all the brick on the exterior of that part of the house, jacked up the room, dug out and laid a new footer, and started rebuilding the walls, one brick at a time. 

The shower is to the left of the red brick wall here, so even though they told me I was completely safe, I never felt 100% secure while taking a shower this whole time. 

Coming home from work one day to find a completed wall brought tears to my eyes. 

Definitely a lot of mud right now

The new and improved entrance into the mud room

Sure is turning out cute. I like the white siding in addition to the brick. 

There's still a whole bunch of work left to do, but the main thing is done. They said they could fix that basement, and they did just that. I'm amazed. 

On another note, we were told David would need to see a new orthopedist three weeks after his last appointment in Texas, so we found one that specializes in sports injuries in Carmel, Indiana. We went on Wednesday of this week and were suprised to hear the new doctor wanted him out of casts and in splints instead. However, he wants to follow the last doc's instructions to keep the pins in his wrists for 8-10 weeks, so he's still got the pins in his wrists until the end of this month. He has more freedom now, for sure, but has to be more careful as he's not near as protected as he was in the casts. He still has to be very careful to not rotate his wrists or forearms in any way as long as the pins are still in. 

This year has just been one surprise after another, and quite the unexpected journey. 

30 days of Gratitude

Well, I had all intentions of getting a pumpkin and writing something I'm thankful for on it every day this month. I saw it on Facebook and thought it was really cute. But, I missed almost half the month before I got home, and then I never got a pumpkin. So, I'll write all 30 here, even though the month isn't quite over yet. 

This year I am especially thankful for:

1. All 3 of my boys (David, Juan David, and Julian) and the distinct relationship I have with each of them, even from a distance.
2. David's positive attitude despite a huge (and humbling) disruption to his life.
3. A peaceful location to live (though the house isn't the most peaceful place to live in just yet)
4. The possibilities and potential that lay ahead on our new property
5. The chance to see a few friends (and family) on my unexpected trip to Dallas to help David after his accident and surgery, especially the friend who I've been missing the most
6. A chance to spend a few extra days with my mom and dad this last month and a couple quick visits with my brother and his wife (had to be quick because they were both really sick)
7. Prayers being answered at New Song with new houseparents moving in soon and then several students moving in at the beginning of the New Year
8. An incredible team to work with at New Song
9. A teammate who shares my passion for missions and ministry
10. A beautiful place to work that truly feels like home
11. Staff meetings that start with prayer
12. A chance to work in ministry, specifically with the Mom's retreat we just had in October, pampering the moms of old and new students and/or campers at New Song
13. A chance to see a few old coworkers from Bullock Elementary for a brief few minutes while in Texas, specifically two special ladies that have been through significant loss that I got to hug and let them know personally that I am praying often for them.
14. People who helped financially toward our airline tickets to not make the trip to Texas and back a burden
15. A close relationship with my sister-in-law, Chrissy, and our deep conversations we get into about life and spiritual things
16. A chance to get to be in my little nephews' and my young niece's life
17. Chrissy's family and the way they have loved on us so much and just consider us family
18. A chance to spend more time with my mother-in-law and get to know her in a way I never have before
19. A husband who enjoys what he does and has a more predictable and manageable work schedule
20. The chance to see Mike and his brother (sometimes brothers) together so often
21. A pastor (previously a youth pastor) who has always cared so much about my son
22. A new church with a huge heart for missions and outreach and new friends there that really inspire me
23. A chance to mentor a young friend and know that God is using experiences in my life to help guide her
24. LakePointe Church and the way I can stay connected through online services on Saturday nights, different groups that connect digitally on a weekly and monthly basis
25. The chance to still attend LakePointe with David (when he's in Texas) because he texts me often to say he's there and then I jump online to "attend" with him
26. My friend Martha (and her husband Warren), who demonstrated true friendship to me and my family in a million ways over the last month, starting with dropping everything on her schedule at a moment's notice to drive to the hospital 40 minutes away to be there for my son in his greatest hours of need when I was a thousand miles away, staying with my other son to wait through David's entire surgery, showing up early at the hospital the next morning to talk with the doctors, and then opening her home to both of us for almost three weeks while we waited for his first follow up appointment before we could make plans to travel home. During those weeks, she opened her home to anyone who wanted to visit us and even let me invite family over to celebrate Juan's birthday with him. They also let me drive Warren's car any time I needed or wanted to go anywhere. I honestly think I could have filled all 30 days and more with all that I'm grateful to them for. I can never repay them for all they did for us (not that they would ever want to be repaid), but I hope I can pay it forward to a friend in need in the future some day. I never even reached out to her personally when the accident happened. She just responded to to a group prayer request that I sent as soon as I found out that David needed surgery. Friends like that are priceless, and I hope that David and I both can learn to be that kind of friend to others.
27. Friends that intentionally keep in touch or write to me
28. Progress on my house and the hardworking, talented men who have done the bulk of the work (and the friends who have come over to help with smaller, but tedious jobs on the house, like painting--I can't tell you how thankful I felt to come home to painted walls and trim in my kitchen, living room, and hallway.)
29. Not having to miss either of my boys' birthdays with them, even though I moved pretty far away
30. A Black Friday reunion with a close friend who will always be family (can't wait till tomorrow!)

Happy Thanksgiving, from my family to yours

Making ourselves at home

I got Juan to come over one last time after work so I had a chance to get another picture, another hug, and say goodbye again. This time goodbye consisted of: Happy your brother's birthday, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. I was just thankful he had the chance to swing by and eat a quick dinner with us one last time. 

We are "home" now and still trying to settle in after a whirlwind of a month. Today was the first day I've actually had to be able to be still and feel like I could catch my breath. I ended up getting sick with a nasty head cold for a few days from getting very little sleep the last night there (waiting up for David when he went out with his college buddies one last time) and the first night home (getting in at 2:30 a.m. and waking up to my cats at 6:00ish), and just over-extending myself catching up on doing laundry (not at home), getting groceries (after not shopping for 3 weeks), seeing family (for the duration of a Cowboy's game), and celebrating David's birthday (at a movie till 10:30 at night). So I spent Friday night in bed, all day Saturday in bed, and then we did online church today so I could just rest and make sure I'm well enough for work tomorrow (no, we don't get the whole week of Thanksgiving off here, just Thursday and Friday). Thankfully I feel 90% better today than yesterday.  I think God and my body just found a way to force me to stay home and rest. 

David and I flew back to Indiana on Friday, November 11th. We really struggled to know the best way to get him home (and almost resorted to our friends' offer to drive us home), but after David got new casts on on at his appointment on Tuesday, everything started to change. He got the use of his elbows back, and his wrists felt much more secure and stable in the new casts, so he started using his fingers a lot more. Within 24 hours, he found himself able to eat finger foods by himself, use a fork and spoon, put on and remove certain items of clothing, and hold and manipulate his phone a little more easily. So we decided we could attempt a normal flight, as long as it was a non-stop flight so he could avoid a restroom as much as possible. We checked in all of our luggage except for our backpacks, and our friend Warren helped us get the luggage up to the counter. Once we got to the gate, we explained (showed) his handicap, and they let us pre-board. That was a big concern, especially on Southwest because there are no assigned seats. We needed a middle seat and an aisle seat, leaving the window seat open for a last minute person boarding. Thankfully, it all worked out just right. 

Our flight got in a little early, and we got off just fine without any issues. But Mike got stuck trapped in a bunch of traffic outside the airport, and he couldn't park to come in to help us with our luggage. We waited and waited for a really long time before any of the luggage came out for our plane, and then when it finally did, we found one of our suitcases open in a container because the zipper had completely broken. (Could be my own fault for packing it too full???) When I saw my underwear hanging out, I knew we had a problem. LOL. This definitely added a bit of stress to the fact that I was already trying to figure out how to handle 3 suitcases and 2 backpacks without David's help. When I figured out there was no way to close the suitcase, I had to figure out what to do with the luggage. So, we put the winter jacket on David, shoved the other winter jacket into one of the other suitcases, and shoved all the underwear, socks, and shirts into the 2 backpacks. Poor David was beyond frustrated that he couldn't help, and then once he had a jacket on, it wasn't obvious why he wasn't helping. I left David with the broken suitcase and a backpack, while I wheeled the other two suitcases and my backpack out to the truck sitting in park right outside our gate. I couldn't even hug Mike because he then rushed in to help David with the broken suitcase and his own backpack.  Not quite the reunion I envisioned after being apart for 3 weeks, nor the way Mike wanted to welcome David back to Indiana under his already unfortunate circumstances. I probably could have asked for help, but well, you know me. We figured it out. So, the flight was fine, and all went well, except for that last hiccup.

Then we still had an hour or so to drive home after that. David was hungry and wanted to stop at McDonald's, but we quickly found out that Indiana is not like Dallas. Not many things are open 24 hours. So we pulled in to our driveway around 2:30 in the morning. Just in time for the grand tour! The house didn't look the same as I left it 3 weeks prior, and David hadn't seen it at all since we looked at it for the first time back on July 20th, when it was filled to the brim with stuff everywhere and the walls looked like a clown had thrown up inside. 

When I left, we had absolutely everything in the living room. Mike and I had been painting the spare bedroom so we could at least sleep and have our stuff in a more private location when people came over to help work on the house. We had two fireplace looking heaters that kept us pretty warm at night. We had plywood sitting on the counters for a makeshift countertop. The sink was hooked up enough to use with a 5 gallon bucket underneath, so you had to use the water sparingly and make sure you emptied the bucket outside often before it got too heavy and ended up splashing all over the place. We had a microwave, stove, and oven, but none were hooked up yet, so I did all my cooking with an electric skillet or a crockpot. The other two bedrooms were completely unusable and shut off at all times. The basement wall was 3/4 of the way done, probably. I will not say that I was at all disappointed to stay in a finished house for awhile in Texas. 

I knew that Mike worked non-stop while I was gone (except for a couple times to celebrate his birthday with family), but he wouldn't show me pictures or tell me anything he was doing. He didn't want me to have any opportunity to set myself up for something and then be disappointed, and he just wanted me to be surprised. He did warn me, though, that I was still coming home to a lot of unfinished, still-in-process projects. 

My new countertops, and flowers and a candle that Chrissy's mom left for me after working for several days at the house. 

The one and only closet in the house for now that Mike worked super hard to completely redo with new drywall and everything. Now we all three are sharing it. 

One of the heaters in the room (which actually keeps it quite toasty), a new door, new trim around the door, and freshly painted walls (painted paneling, actually) with a toasted almond color that I picked out. 

A new little cabinet/counter that Chrissy's dad built for us to fill in the space between the stove and the wall. It's just not set in yet. 

The stove and microwave are hooked up now, but the propane tank is still empty, so I still can't use the stove or oven. But, hey, the microwave is a big step up from where we were. 

My sink is fully functional now, as well as the garbage disposal. 

Chrissy's dad removed the built in cutting board and made me a new one. 

(He's very crafty with any wood-working task).

The spare bedroom walls (painted paneling). Mike and I took the spare room for now, and David took the mattress in the living room so he can stay up later than me. 

The doorway they framed/built between the other two bedrooms, making it a doorway from the master bedroom into what will be the master bath and large walk-in closet. 

A new window in the master bedroom.

A now bigger master bedroom (after they extended the wall 19 inches, plus they put in a new door. Mike hoped so badly to finish this room and get our bed here from storage before we got back, but he just ran out of time. It will be done soon enough, though. 

An elongated living room (with an 18 inch longer wall, a freshly painted wall, a fully-functional woodburning stove, a red-brick platform, some firewood outside, and a new electric-reclining leather couch (that we found on market place and picked up Saturday night). 

We also got our table from storage, so it will be nice to eat our dinners as a family at the table rather than on plastic trays in the living room. 

A room ready for the foam insulation guy to come insulate it so it won't be so chilly in there! (It's been in the teens and 20's at night the last few days!)

After the grand tour, I fell immediately asleep, only to wake up super early to two cats who wanted fed and a lot of snow falling. A few hours later, I went out to get a massive amount of groceries, came home and took a long nap before we went back out to go pick up a couch.

Sunday we went to church, went out to eat, went to storage to get our table and some cubbies to store our clothes, went to New Song to do laundry, and went to Matt and Chrissy's for dinner and to watch the Cowboys' game. Monday and Tuesday I took David to work with me, and Wednesday he went to work with Mike. Somehow he turned 21 overnight, so we went out for dinner at Chili's after work (while it snowed for his birthday), and then we went to see Black Panther--Wakonda Forever, a Marvel movie that had just come out a few days earlier. Surprisingly, it looked like we had the whole theater to ourselves (except for the 6 people that trickled in right before it started). 

Not the 21st birthday party he envisioned, but it warmed my heart to spend it with him. Even Matt and Chrissy couldn't join us because all their kids got sick. But we'll get a cake and have a postponed celebration with them later.