My sweet son decided to surprise me by coming home to visit for the weekend a week ago. I've missed him so much and cherish every moment we spent together. Only instead of going for a long bike ride, going out for coffee and playing cards, we attended a viewing together and sat through a funeral. We watched one of our closest friends be laid to rest and mourned with his family over his very untimely and unexpected death.
Seeing his wife and son (who grew up side by side with David for many years) face this incredible loss with such strength tore both of us up, as these were friends that we considered family. Our boys were the same age (raised together in day care), we lived close by, we went on trips together, and we had an incredible bond. They introduced us to more of Texas than we ever would have explored on our own, they gave us opportunities that we never would have even thought of seeking on our own. They were our first friends here in Texas, and we wouldn't be where we are today if God had not put them in our life. Though the last few years led our daily lives in different directions, the memories we built together over the years left our friendship as one that could always be picked up right where we left off. Their home was the kind of home where no one felt like a stranger or even a guest. When you walked in their home, you always felt welcome.
Watching my friend who'd always been the strength behind so many have to now draw her strength from those around her really shook me up. Watching her 18 year old son try so hard to be strong for his mom, while sitting beside my own 18 year old son with tears streaming down his cheeks was a scene I will never forget.
That makes two funerals I've sat through with him in a short period of time, both for close friends who touched our lives in a deep way and made an eternal impact on us. I'm so thankful for the amazing companion my son can be, whether in happy times or sad times, and the deep conversations that we are able to have about life, love, and loss. I am sad that he has this new loss to now have to process at such a young age and that he has to hurt so deeply for his childhood buddy at a time when they are supposed to be finding their wings and taking on the world. But we both know that God always knew this was on the horizon. We can ask why, or we can ask what we're supposed to do with it and choose how we will respond.
I felt pretty numb the day after the funeral, so I sat outside early in the morning right before sunrise with a pen and an open journal. When I don't know how to think or feel or can't find words to match what's on my heart, God always seems to speak to me through a pen. May it speak to you today through whatever darkness you may be walking through.
I woke up feeling numb today
Such heavy issues on my mind.
The unthinkable keeps on happening
Leaving so much heartache behind.
I came outside to sit with God
to process my thoughts in prayer,
Yet I found myself staring at clouds
My gaze fixed on the current nightmare.
As the sun slowly began to rise
Rays of light fought to break through.
The clouds struggled to keep them hidden
as the tension between them grew.
Those clouds threatened to keep the morning
trapped beneath a dark sky,
but the light conquered the darkness
as the sun continued to rise up high.
No matter how dark the clouds were,
they stood no chance against the sun.
Nothing could keep her from rising
and against the darkness she won.
With such gray clouds hovering above,
we may wonder if God sees our plight.
All we see are the clouds
blocking out any ray of light.
But the sun will keep on rising
and the light will eventually win.
Because light always conquers darkness,
and we will claim hope again.
John 1:5--The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
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