Starting to hit me

 As each day flies by me now, reality sinks in a bit more. It's definitely starting to hit me on a more emotional level all of a sudden. Just when I least expect it, I find tears rolling down my cheeks. The days I'm physically tired seem to be harder on me than other days. 

Last weekend we had our garage sale. Not a big moving sale, as we don't have furniture we're wanting to sell yet. More of a chance to get rid of some "junk" that we don't want to pack, stuff we really don't need, want, or use. I brought home a bunch of personal things I've bought for my classroom over the years, Mike and David cleaned out the garage, and I went through all of the kitchen cabinets and a few closets. 

My friend who also teaches second grade at another school saw our sale on Facebook and got her teammate to buy most of my school stuff. David sold a bunch of little things from the garage,  along with some clothes, and thankfully a lot of the kitchen gadgets sold. Juan also sold a couple things, though he didn't put anything out until the second day, which didn't bring in much traffic. We learned quickly that Friday morning is the best time for a garage sale! Saturday and Sunday--not so much. 

The best part of those two days was just getting to hang out with David. He really is a team player when it comes to family. And having all day long to just let conversations happen naturally felt pretty bonding. So maybe we did spend a big portion of our sales money on getting food....the breakfast, lunch, and dinner together were worth every penny. 

We loaded up three large boxes of donations to take to Goodwill or the Salvation Army after we tired of running the sale, and as I drove toward the donation drop off place, my first set of tears started to fall regarding this move. I came back home shortly after and told David how much I'm going to miss seeing him on the weekends. 

Funny, I am already used to not seeing him at all during the week and don't seem to miss him those days. I know he's in a good place, he enjoys his space and his independence, and I know I'll be able to see him on an occasional Saturday. But something about spending the entire weekend with him for that sale made me realize how much I love knowing he's at least close by. 

Monday and Tuesday of this week, I stayed late to continue sorting through and purging things in my classroom, deciding what I wanted to keep of my own files and materials, what I should trash, and what I should "donate" to the teacher's lounge. Before I left today, I sat down to check my e-mails and found "the" e-mail that everyone waits for at the end of the school year, the one that says who we're saying good-bye to and what changes to expect the next year. 

Lots of teachers are moving around or leaving, and halfway down the page, I saw my name. I'd only told a few people so far, and surprisingly, word hadn't traveled as fast as I expected. It's not that I didn't want people to know, I just like to keep to myself and don't like a lot of people in my business. But I guess it's out now. I didn't realize how it hit me emotionally, though, until I started driving home and felt the tears roll down my cheeks. 

As ready as I am to say goodbye to public school and to venture into something completely new, walking away from a 19 year career is not as easy as I thought it might be. Nineteen years of walking into the same building, morning after morning, is a long time. I've been in that buiding longer than I've lived in my house. It truly is my second home. Turning in my resignation, not signing my new contract, counting down the last days of school, etc. has felt very strange and a bit uncomfortable. I'm closing a big chapter of my life in just two and a half weeks. I can't really pinpoint any specific emotion to describe how it feels, other than very, very awkward. I haven't figured out the best time to tell the kids yet, either. And though more and more things disappear from our classroom every day, they haven't asked why.....yet.

So, that's where I am in all this mix right now. Sorting through a lot of mixed emotions, and a lot of stuff--either in my classroom or in my house. Hoping to get enough packed and cleared out in the next week in preparation to sell the house. Definitely an overwhelming task. 

Keeping this pic on my phone at all times, reminding me what's waiting on the other side of all this change. An opportunity I never could have imagined on my own. A new job, a new classroom, a new song to sing--on New Song Road.