Fifteen days

The calendar today reads May 6th. This is normally an exciting week, full of fun, laughter, lots of flowers, chocolates, and other Teacher Appreciation gifts, and it's usually the beginning of the annual "classroom cleanout". It's the week I normally start clearing the shelves of unused supplies, sending home things we didn't and won't have time to use, purging items I don't want anymore, collect items that other teachers are purging (it's like shopping at the Teacher store, but better!), and I start to organize the classroom for the upcoming year.

Normally it's something I do with joy as I reminisce over the year, seeing how my kids have grown and thinking of how I can continue to improve the next year. Last year I did it with tears, carefully separating my own things from what belonged in the classroom, knowing the following year I'd be teaching yet another new grade--KINDERGARTEN. Mind you, I have never aspired to be a kindergarten teacher. Some people like it, but second grade, third, and fourth grade were my sweet spots, so even the thought of teaching kindergarten sucked all the joy out of me at the end of the year. Thankfully God intervened on my behalf and let me move back into my second grade classroom, but those hard memories resurface now as I face yet another unexpected end to the school year.

Today I await my chance to even get into my classroom to pack up for the year. Truthfully, I am dreading it, knowing the tears that it will surely evoke, walking back into a classroom prepared for March. Literally frozen in time. A classroom still full of so many materials, plans, unused supplies, and missing students. Nametags on each desk I made and laminated for them with their names written in cursive for them to practice. A rolling suitcase that I called the "portable store", full of goodies for them to work hard for and spend their hard-earned plastic coins, goodies I'll have to save for next year's class. Math packets half-filled up that we worked on daily as a small group. Fun Math and Reading stations posted on the wall, those parts of class they looked forward to every day because they got to work with and learn from their classmates, as well as their weekly jobs and centers that they loved to do with a partner every morning during breakfast. Now the legos sit quietly, the puzzle sits unfinished, the date hasn't changed, and the job wheel hasn't rotated once in the last two months. Our class picture still hangs on the door, right under their Pre-K class pictures that they also took with me in their very first year of school. And my heart hurts for the kids I don't get to hug tight fifteen days from now when that last school bell rings for the 2019-2020 school year.

And here at home, I'm supposed to be proudly counting down the next fifteen days to my first and last child's high school graduation, a day I've been thinking about since the first day of school this year, knowing it was the last day my son and I would share in the same district on the same school schedule. Such a huge milestone in his life, and we don't even know what the graduation plans are yet. I hoped he'd be able to come for our annual Graduation Walk at my Elementary School, as this year I'd finally get my turn to have my own child be the one walking those halls of the very elementary school where he started out as a kindergardener. I looked forward to the fact that my parents now live here and would get to attend his graduation, along with his aunt and uncle and cousins that live nearby. At this point, graduation may be a virtual experience!

It's a surreal way to count down these last fifteen days, so far beyond our wildest imagination of what we'd ever experience. I'm enjoying the experience of teaching from my front porch every morning, soaking up the sound of the birds, and I'm savoring every extra moment with my son, cherishing our daily bike rides ALL OVER TOWN and our curbside dates at random destinations, like SONIC, Chick-FilA, Rosalind Coffee, Braum's, Scooter's Coffee, etc.,--trying to make the end of his senior year as fun as possible when you're stuck at home with Mom. :) But every day that gets us closer to May 21 is another day closer to those tears welling up, another day to grieve all that's been lost, despite what's been gained.

 My new "teacher chair", where I make daily videos for my kids

 Bike rides with David (that's David up there, leaving me in the dust)

 Random destinations

 Where kids are supposed to learn, together, and from each other

Our last first day together at GISD, oblivious to the year ahead

 Fifteen days. Can you believe it?