Poetry for Orphan Sunday

Have you heard?

Have you heard the voice of the orphan?

Do you know the sound of his cries?

Do you know what life has done to him

As he wonders where his future lies?

Have you felt his broken heart

When his mother never came back around?

Have you wiped away his tears

When his dreams crashed to the ground?

Were you there when they told him

the days would only be few

Before they took away his flesh and blood,

Taking his sister out of view?

Do you see his empty eyes

As he longs to hear her voice again?

Can you fill the gaping hole

 where her presence had always been?

Do you wonder how he does it,

Waiting to see what each day will bring?

Sometimes an opportunity to grasp,

Sometimes another painful sting.

Do you imagine what he goes through,

As he steps into life alone?

Can you suppress his fears

As he faces each unknown?

Have you held him in your arms,

As the tears stream down his cheek,

Knowing you are leaving him

With a future that still looks bleak?

Have you watched him pray at night,

As he lets the tears just flow,

Begging God to bring his mama back,

Yet knowing it would never be so?

Have you heard her stall your conversation,

Cherishing every word you said,

Not wanting you to say goodbye,

Before she had to go to bed?

Have you heard the cry of the orphan

And wonder what you can do?

Have you ever wondered if

That orphan had been you?

Love Me as I am

An orphan is what they call me

An unlucky child, some may say.

I grew up without a family,

Now I'm just trying to find my way.

You may be tempted to judge me,

You may think I'm immature for my age,

I think I've done pretty well

For being raised in an orphanage.

Of course you'll find gaps in my life.

There's so much I never learned,

Things I never had a chance to practice,

Or times I never got my turn.

Still I am who I am today

because of my unique experiences in life,

I faced more loss than most ever do,

 I conquered incredible internal strife.

Please don't try to change me.

I'm not a project for you to fix.

Please love me as I am

Without trying to alter the mix.

I have so much to add to the world,

I could love to the moon and beyond,

But til’ I know you truly love me,

My heart won’t ever respond.

(Both poems are excerpts from Painful Waiting, my sequel to Unexpected Tears--to be published sometime soon by Authenticity Book House)

Jehovah Ra'ah, The Lord, My Shepherd

Here is the first one! Please share with others if it touches you in any way.

https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/jehovah-raah-the-lord-my-shepherd-by-rachelle-alspaugh/

Stay tuned for a second one next Saturday. 😊

Eighteen years

Tomorrow my son turns 18. I am overwhelmed with a variety of emotions over this significant day in his life.

I am proud of the young man he is becoming, after all that he has overcome in his lifetime. He is a survivor, and what could have broken him actually made him stronger. He has every right to carry around bitterness, but instead he walks around with a happy heart and an inner joy that spreads to everyone around him. He lights up the room with his smile, and he sings and dances every little chance he gets.

I am saddened as this birthday reminds me how little time we were given to raise him, to influence him, and to model how to correctly respond to the challenges of an adult life. I am thankful he's not completely on level with his peers so we still have another year of high school after this one before we enter the college years.

I am grateful that God chose me to be the one he calls Mom from here on out into his adult life. I'm grateful for how well we've connected in such a short amount of time. I'm thankful God gave him back to us, no matter how "late" it had to be. I'm thankful for all the possibilities that his future may hold. I'm thankful he doesn't have to spend this birthday alone without any family, fearing the future rather than embracing all it may hold.

I remember the day his brother turned 18. Such a bittersweet day, one that held a promise for independence, yet one that held a nearing end to any source of security.

I wrote this poem after meeting Julian and seeing life from his perspective. I am grateful Juan David does not have to walk in the same shoes.

Eighteen years

Eighteen years old,

Ready to spread their wings,

Ready to face the world

While in pursuit of their dreams.

“I’m ready for this challenge,

I’m prepared for the task ahead.

I’m ready to face the obstacles.

Free at last!” they said.

Yet eighteen years didn’t quite prepare them,

Eighteen years of training weren’t enough.

The world held more than they bargained for.

Life on their own was rough.

Grateful for parents who loved them,

Grateful they still had a place to call home,

They returned to a place of security,

Finding the street no place to roam.

Yet what if it wasn’t that easy,

And eighteen years were all you got?

Once you reach that magic age,

You survive alone on what you were taught.

No material possessions to take with you,

No family to call on for support,

No home to ever go back to,

No place to find security or resort.

What if you were the orphan

Left to figure out life on your own?

Please listen to their voices

So one less faces this picture alone…..

Not the party I planned

I have never been the mom to do parties. I'm not a party person, I'm an introvert, and I don't like to feel like I have to entertain someone.  David's pretty introverted, too, so he's never really cared. We've always kept birthdays pretty low-key and either celebrated as a family or with a few close friends.

However, Juan David specifically asked for a party for his 18th birthday. First he wanted to go to a trampoline place to jump his heart out, but then we decided on go-carts to prevent any knee or ankle injuries the week before a big soccer tournament.

We found a place in Dallas to book a party with go-carts.  Due to price and distance, we decided on a double birthday party for both boys. Mike's first full paycheck came just in time so we could afford it. We looked at the calendar and found November 1st to be our only free day to plan a double party for the boys due to a soccer tournament, a middle school retreat, and a high school retreat, and Thanksgiving/Black Friday on all the other weekends. We scheduled a 3 hour party so the boys could invite a few close friends for a time of unlimited go-carts (and maybe a little time for the arcade, some pizza, cake, and miniature golfing).

That was the plan. Until it rained.

Then nothing went as planned after that.

We sat in the birthday party room looking out the window at the wet go-cart tracks with downcast faces.  I felt like the family in the Home Alone movie that all sat in a hotel room watching it rain on the beach in front of them.

However, we made the most of it, enjoyed as much as we could, and are thankful that Speed Zone reset our 3 hour cards so we can still go back to enjoy the go-carts another day. The trick will be to find a day when their friends and cousins can go back with us.

Here are some pics of our party that didn't quite go as planned.

The birthday boys with their birthday stickers. :) 

The teddy bear that Juan David won on his turn to spin the wheel (that he did NOT want a picture of).

Oh, the disappointment, looking out at the wet go-cart track. 

The arcade was fun, but 3 hours of it was a bit too long.

The gifts they exchanged with each other before the party. (David got Juan David a phone cover that has both a Colombian flag and a US flag. Juan David got David the jacket that David is wearing.) 

Look how tall David has gotten! I think he's going to pass Juan David up before the year is over. By their heights, you sure can't tell there's four years difference between them!

I told them they have to wait for their actual birthdays to get their gifts from us. Don't worry. I'll put more pics and I will also take plenty of pics when we find a chance to ride the go-carts on a SUNNY day.

Happy birthday, Mike!

Our yearly "a birthday a week" celebrations started again at the Alspaugh house on Halloween. (What were we thinking adding another November birthday to the mix?) Here are a few pics from Mike's birthday.

The boys put their money together and ordered their dad a sign for him to put up in his office at work.

I got him a cool "all-in-one grill tool" that will come in handy when we go camping. It has a spatula, a knife, tongs, flashlight, and thermometer all connected into one gadget, kind-of like a deluxe pocket knife.

Later we followed our yearly tradition of dressing up and asking for candy.  

You can see from their costumes just how differently these boys were raised and the importance put on Halloween. David just got creative and made up something (he's supposed to be a trainer). No money spent, but he's a happy kid. Juan pondered for weeks over what he wanted to dress up as. He finally decided on a "professional killer". (Truthfully, I'm not a fan of any kind of scary, spooky, or develish costume. I like to keep the costumes light-hearted and somewhat silly. However, Juan David came from a culture where Halloween is one of the biggest holidays celebrated, and even in his orphanage, they went all out on costumes and decorating. To say he's highly disappointed in Halloween here is quite an understatement. So, I just go with it, especially since he may not dress up again after this year. I think he's quickly aging out of Halloween.)

Marcela Gandara

What a beautiful concert! I don't think I ever heard of her before, but I was excited to see a Colombian friend of mine so excited about this concert, so I decided to take Juan David with me. I ended up taking both boys (one of them very reluctantly) and let them sit out in the cafe for most of the concert (where they could still see and watch everything on the screens).

I wondered if the main auditorium might actually be a bit big for the concert, but boy, was I wrong. That auditorium was packed out! They said about 4,000 people were there!  The coolest part was that I barely any other white people besides David and I, and I don't think I heard a word of English except in the cafe when I ordered a drink. I felt so inspired and impressed with how the Hispanic ministry of our church has grown exponentially over the last few years.

After she sang a few songs, she gave a little information about herself, claiming her Mexican heritage and the fact that she married a Colombian American. :)

I also got to reconnect with a friend from Colombia who hosted us for dinner in her home two years in a row the first two summers we went to Colombia, both times with Julian. We never ended meeting up our last summer there while adopting Juan David, so I enjoyed introducing them to each other finally. After seven years in Colombia, God finally brought them back to the States again. I sure am thankful God let us connect in Colombia, though. I can't tell you what a comfort it was both years to find your own church family when you're living on another continent.

Good news!

I have some great news! I have been communicating with Lisa, the host of the Community Moms site, and she is going to post my series on the names of God on a weekly basis starting this Saturday, November 7th!

Stay tuned! I will post the link to the site each Saturday so you don't miss any of them. But feel free to check the site out anytime to tune in to so many other great stories and testimonials.

https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/