Negative ten degrees!

 

At sunset last night, it was still in the low 40's. It was down in the low teens by the time I went to bed and snowing.

This morning when I woke up, it was -10 degrees, there was frost on the inside of some of the windows, and a blanket of snow covered the ground. 

Sure made me thankful for THIS:

and warm blankets, warm socks, and warm sweaters.

And thankful for a day for everyone to stay home and stay inside, eat warm comfort food, watch Christmas movies, and play games. 

And chase birds out of the house after they found ways to get in the unfinished parts of the house. Boots sure was excited about having new friends! LOL. 

A date etched in stone

(I wrote this yesterday)

A year ago today, my father-in-law slipped into eternity. Almost a year later, the tombstone came in that now have the dates of his entire life etched in stone. The day he was born and the day he died. Dates already determined before the foundation of the world. None of us knows how long we have. 

Days like today make you think and ponder about life in general. You only get one life, and you have no idea how quickly it might be taken away. How are you spending your days, your time, your influence? Are you in a season of survival, of goal-setting/achieving, of experiencing your dreams, of pleasure-seeking, or of service and generosity to others? Do you think about how you will be remembered, if you left a legacy, or made a difference? Are you striving for things that really matter and will have an eternal impact? Or are we so focused on self and comfort that we missed our opportunities. 

I have several close friends deeply missing someone they loved this Christmas. A friend mourning the loss of both her husband and son within a year of each other. A friend grieving the loss of her best friend just a few years after the loss of her husband. A friend still processing the recent loss of her husband to cancer while now fighting for her own life against a different type of cancer. A friend tearfully celebrated what would have been her 38th anniversary to the love of her love and now faces her first Christmas without him. Another friend just lost her dad, another her mom. 

Then there are those of who moved away from close family and friends and feel a huge absence, like the way I struggle being so very far away from my son for his tenth Christmas as part of our family. And then others are watching a loved one hang on for life, like my friend is so unexpectedly experiencing with her son.

Days like today make me thankful for the chance to spend Christmas with David here, broken arms and all. It's been complicated, having to fly back to Texas to help him, stay as a guest in someone's house to be able to care for him, fly back to Indiana to aide him in daily living for two months, take him out of school, switch doctors temporarily, play the guessing game as to whether he'll be physically ready to care for himself again by the time school starts again, switch him back to doctors there, etc. But he's here, alive, and with injuries that will heal. We're together. 

We think so often about the people that have to readjust their bearings and find a way to move on without the one they loved. But days like today make you stop and ponder about the life of the ones who are no longer here. Their end date came, and then they were gone. Their time to influence others, to encourage others, and to make an eternal impact ran out. Friends and family mourned their loss, reflected on their impact, and carry their memories, but then they all had to readjust life and move on without them. 

Had they known, would they have lived any differently? Encouraged others more with their words? Made sure their time had purpose and that they established a legacy that would live beyond their time? This may sound morbid, but often when I hear of someone passing, I glance back at their last social media post and wonder--if they knew that was their last post, their last words to the world, their last chance to influence or encourage someone, is that what they would have chosen to say?

Days like today make you think a little differently. Make you realize the importance of being intentional with every opportunity that comes your way. Maybe because I'm just finishing up reading the New Testament and seeing how intentional Paul was with every word he wrote, especially when his life was threatened. Or maybe because I've got so many hurting friends right now. Or maybe because life looks and feels so different back here in Indiana without Mike's dad. 

Friends are essential

Life comes in stages. Some are fun, full of happiness. Others are rushed, leaving us feeling overwhelmed. Still others are hard or sad, full of anguish, despair, and pain. What makes the greatest difference in each stage are the friends who stand beside us. Friends make the good times sweeter, the rushed times more purposeful, and the hard times more bearable. And then there are the friends who become like family. They're the ones with a deep connection to your soul who will always be there to carry you, no matter how much time has passed since you last communicated. 

When I moved away from Texas, I still kept in touch with my closest friends, either by sending cards, writing letters, texting, or just keeping up on social media. (Honestly, I'm not much into calling people, though I occasionally will give in to a phone call. Talking on the phone is just a very awkward way to communicate for me. That's another subject, though, for another post.) I'm glad I stayed in touch with them and still nurtured those friendships, because those are the people that showed up for me when I had to fly back to Texas in an emergency and stay for an indefinite amount of time. I cherish the time I got to spend with those friends and feel like our friendship deepened. 

Spending those three weeks in Texas made me realize how essential my friends are and made me want to invest myself into finding a new set of friends here in Indiana as quickly as I can, though I realize that authentic friendships take time. Life just lacks so much meaning, joy, and support without close friends. There's something about knowing someone deeply and being fully known by your friends that feels so settling. My new coworkers have become my new close friends that I feel will become like family over time, but it sure is hard not being known and feeling like you have to prove who you are. 

I'm an introvert, so my social battery only goes so far, but I'm determined to get involved with other women at my church as much as I can so I can start to feel like a part of a community of friends. I'm finding that you just have to show up and put yourself out there, and those relationships begin to find you. I attended the ladies' night out and met a few people there, then I went to the Bible study during October and started to connect with a few people there. We showed up as a couple for a community group Friendsgiving dinner and then a Christmas caroling/cookie fellowship. And last night I went to the ladies' night out dinner, despite it being cold and already dark before I even left the house. The connections I'm making are worth the extra effort to me. I'm looking forward to seeing how God guides in several of the people I've been connecting with. It's also nice to go to church and be recognized by more and more people. 

Just like with our house remodel--there's a lot of potential and a grand vision. But you gotta start somewhere and inconvenience yourself first. You have to make the sacrifice and the investment to get a good return. The house will eventually come to completion and feel like home, and the connections I'm making will turn into friendships that will make life that much sweeter. It just takes time. 

So today, I'm holding my friends close, cherishing special memories with them, and just showing up whenever I have the opportunity to make a new friend. 

My newest connections, the ladies' night that I went to just last night

My dear friend from ReEngage who lived an hour away from me, but met me for lunch just before I moved and came out to see me when I ended up back in Texas.

My Bible study friend, amazing prayer warrior, and bike-riding buddy who used to live just down the road from me.

Been doing writer's group together for a decade. Getting ready to start reading her latest book, Teatime with Jesus. It'll be like having her join us for tea every morning. 

My amazing writing mentor, who I'm privileged to call my friend.

A now-retired coworker who prayed and encouraged me through Juan's adoption process, who I now introduced to my writer's group as she grows into an incredibly inspiring writer.

A sweet Bible study and Life Group friend

My soulmates

My newest friends/coworkers

First ladies' night out I tried at my new church

A friend I truly only saw once every few months or so, but oh, when I did--she spoke to my soul and always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

My "bestie" who truly became one of my nearest and dearest friends over the years that our "kids" dated each other

There are no words to describe this friend, other than that she's the friend who always showed up. Always. 

When. you travel to Mexico together several times, live by each other, babysit each other's kids or animals, and do life together in Life Group and small group, you just become family. And family is family forever. 

Coworkers who encourage you and tell you you're beautiful every single day. She truly is my beautiful friend.

There's many more who I couldn't find pictures of. I'm trying to be much more intentional about taking pictures these days. 

Friends truly do add flavor and joy to life, no matter what season of life you're in. But you've got to put yourself out there, show up, and be vulnerable to find them. 

Christmas break begins

Not much more than a year ago, I found myself sitting over dinner with a close friend telling her how unsettled I felt at my job, my 19th year at the same school teaching bilingual children. Post-COVID classroom teaching just didn't feel like a good fit for me anymore. My biggest struggle? The noise. 

After a year with about half the kids in school and half the kids joining online from home, the year they filled the school with everyone again brought with it a very loud atmosphere. Especially when they saw the COVID numbers start to go up again, so they brought back all the plastic shields. Those plastic shields made kids feel caged, and then when they wanted to be heard, they had to yell. I found myself hyper-sensitive to the noise levels and just knew I needed to find a quieter atmosphere to work in for my own mental sanity.

My friend suggested I look into other teaching positions where I could just work with small groups, so I immediately started looking into a bunch of positions opening where I could do that. But over Christmas break, I also felt compelled to update my resume and emphasize my ministry experience and education. 

Now here I am a year later, closing up my quietest semester ever where I taught virtually, to one student, from an incredibly peaceful location at New Song Mission. While my past coworkers and colleagues sorted through MAP scores and are working through the Science of Reading Academy all year, I spent my time in a classroom with a fireplace, immersing myself in online leadership seminars, listening to speakers talk about biblical leadership, and developing a curriculum to teach our incoming students how to be leaders. I also got to create my very own Spanish curriculum to give my students a taste for the Spanish language, food, and culture. 

I worked with an amazing teammate who can be just as quiet as me and who I can really talk to and connect with on a deep, spiritual level. We decorated our classroom together with a travel the world/multicultural theme, and we team-taught our one student virtually while praying faithfully for new houseparents to complete our team so God could fill our classroom. We also pulled off a Mom's retreat together to serve and minister to the moms of many of our campers and of our incoming students. We make a really good team together, and I'm so thankful for how God answered my prayers in bringing her to New Song. November scattered our whole New Song team in different places, but by the time we all came back together, God also answered our prayers by bringing new houseparents for the boys' home. They've been here for two weeks now, getting settled, and we already love them. It's very obvious that God is the one putting this team together. 

I didn't technically start until August 1st, but Mike wanted to get to Indiana as early in July as possible because that's when his brother needed him the most to help with the business. And Bob said I was welcome to check out the camps going on because that's where most of our students come from. I was able to be very present during the last week of camp, and the day the campers came, I connected with a ten year old boy named Kayden over a cornhole game--the whole time thinking, "Maybe he'll be one of my students." 

I'm happy to tell you that Kayden will be coming to campus as one of our five students this January. In fact, four of the students are coming from that last week of camp, and the fifth student is Jaylen, my virtual student, the only returning student from last year. We will have one second grader, two third graders, and two fifth graders--and we are more than ready for them. I'm sure we'll have some challenges and friction ahead, but I sure was happy to end my last virtual class with Jaylen and tell him that I'd see him IN PERSON after his break. 

With our houseparents on campus, we went through several trainings together this week, and then we ended the week and semester with an invitation to have a hot lunch all together with Nikky and Jacob, the new houseparents, in the boys' home where they now reside. I can't think of a better way to bring the first semester to a close and usher in Christmas break. 

I wish I could say I have a restful, quiet break planned for the next two weeks, but not so much. David has two doctor appointments, the house still needs extensive work (which hopefully means I'll be able to continue painting), I'm not done Christmas shopping yet, and I'm far behind on a writing project I committed to over a year ago. And we hope to travel to Warsaw for a day or two at some point to celebrate Christmas with Mike's mom and his younger brother. 

And then there's temps like these coming our way just in time for Christmas, which make me tense up just looking at them. I may just have to crawl under a big blanket and hibernate.

Internal Progress

Not a lot of external progress to share this week on the house, but God has definitely been doing a work on me internally through this remodel.

Everywhere I look now, I see mud. Lots and lots of mud. And if there's anything I can't stand, it's mud. I hate getting and feeling dirty. And the hardest part about that is knowing that it's likely going to look like this for a long time. The warm weather has passed, so I doubt it's going to dry up any time soon. Freeze, maybe. But dry up, not so much. 

It's Christmas time, and I just want a clean, cozy home to decorate with all my nativities, a place to invite a friend over for coffee, tea, hot cider or hot chocolate in the crockpot. A comfy corner to put my feet up, wrap up with a blanket by the fire, and curl up with a good book. We've got the cozy part going on with the new wood stove, but the clean is hard to come by. Mike and David are used to working in the garage with grease and all sorts of dirty things, so they don't quite get my sense of discomfort. 

I can easily get stuck in the mud, stuck in my discomfort and dissatisfaction, stuck in an ungrateful state and complain my days away, making my husband feel very unappreciated for all of his time and hard work. I can wish for something better, nicer, and cleaner and forget the potential that lies ahead. Then I could miss the beauty of what's coming. 

I read in a marriage book that some couples give up on their marriage during the hard times, not knowing that they missed the best part that was yet to come. I may hate traipsing through the mud right now, but I can't lose sight of the beauty that lies ahead. The future we will be able to build here on this land we now call home. 

Mike and Matt happen to work in a trade where they are constantly upgrading other people's homes and are able to walk away with materials the people no longer wanted, materials that they've been storing away to put back into our house. The more patient I am, the more materials they come by. Yesterday Mike showed me all the materials and plan he has for a deck to wrap around part of the house. My mind sees endless mud and a long winter ahead. His mind sees plans for projects and improvements I haven't even considered, thinking the money won't stretch that far.

We all three went for a walk in the woods the other evening with a map to help us find the property line. Now that the leaves have all fallen, it's a lot easier to see the land. I needed that walk, right along the neighbor's property line, seeing all the trails on his side--the potential of what our own side can look like some day. Trails on our own land, places where grandkids can come explore some day, nieces and nephews can come hang out, friends can come visit with their families, places we can go for nature walks, etc. I may not have a place to invite them to come right now, but eventually I will, and it will be worth the wait. Worth trekking through the mud for the time being. 

But, yeah, it sure is a lot of mud. What you see there is only a fraction of it. Each season has its purpose. I'm just going to have to grin and bear it through this season of mud and remember that beauty lies ahead. That's why they're called seasons, because they only last for a time. 

Huge progress

Not gonna lie. Coming back from Texas has not been an easy transition. As thankful as I was for all the progress made on the house (and so many volunteered hours from our family here), bringing David and his needs into the mix left me running on fumes for the first few weeks. Mike and I have had little to no time to talk or reconnect, I struggled to feel settled or at home, and I found it much more emotionally difficult to leave my close friends and family in Texas than I had when I left in July. Plus I felt like I had to put all my own needs to the side to take care of David and make sure he was as comfortable and cared for as possible. The unexpected 3 week interruption into my new life (new job, new church, new groups, new friends, new routines, new connections, new momentum, etc.) left me feeling very disconnected. I hadn't been here long enough to feel secure in anything, and it almost felt like I was starting over in all areas. 

I'm still having a rough time trying to settle in to this new space and find any sense of daily routine, but I'm making it. We're making it. One day, one hour at a time. As my teammate and I discussed the need to establish solid routines and procedures for our new students coming to campus soon as a way to make them feel safe and secure, it was a good reminder to me of why I have felt so discombobulated. Feeling unsettled can have a huge effect on our mental health. 

I was sick my first weekend home, then my mother-in-law came the second weekend so we could celebrate Thanksgiving, so this weekend was the first chance I've had to clean, organize, put up a few Christmas decorations, and settle in a little bit. 

It definitely helped some. Now to figure out the coordination of schedules and managing how to share one bathroom and take care of David's needs while not treating him like a child, that's the next step. Lol. 

However, despite my own mental/emotional struggle over the last 3 weeks, Mike, Matt, and Mark (Matt's father-in-law) made some HUGE progress on the house that I must congratulate them on. When we first looked at this house with a sunken room due to a basement wall caving in, I thought only crazy people would ever consider buying such a house. Honestly, to me, it sounded like a situation you'd want to run far away from if you had any economic sense. But to watch those three men go down in the basement to assess the damage and come back up saying, confidently, "We can fix that." Well, I didn't know what to even think of that. 

But, lo and behold. That's exactly what they did. It took a little longer than expected due to trying to get the house a little more ready for winter and then for David to come, but this week's progress just amazes me. 

Let's start with a little flashback.....

When we first bought the house

Below is the sunken room, which is the laundry/mud room. 

They completely dug out and tore out the basement walls, along with all the brick on the exterior of that part of the house, jacked up the room, dug out and laid a new footer, and started rebuilding the walls, one brick at a time. 

The shower is to the left of the red brick wall here, so even though they told me I was completely safe, I never felt 100% secure while taking a shower this whole time. 

Coming home from work one day to find a completed wall brought tears to my eyes. 

Definitely a lot of mud right now

The new and improved entrance into the mud room

Sure is turning out cute. I like the white siding in addition to the brick. 

There's still a whole bunch of work left to do, but the main thing is done. They said they could fix that basement, and they did just that. I'm amazed. 

On another note, we were told David would need to see a new orthopedist three weeks after his last appointment in Texas, so we found one that specializes in sports injuries in Carmel, Indiana. We went on Wednesday of this week and were suprised to hear the new doctor wanted him out of casts and in splints instead. However, he wants to follow the last doc's instructions to keep the pins in his wrists for 8-10 weeks, so he's still got the pins in his wrists until the end of this month. He has more freedom now, for sure, but has to be more careful as he's not near as protected as he was in the casts. He still has to be very careful to not rotate his wrists or forearms in any way as long as the pins are still in. 

This year has just been one surprise after another, and quite the unexpected journey.