My "present" is constantly changing right now, so it's hard not to live holding on to the past or stretching out toward the future. Because when I stop in my tracks, breathe, and look around, I realize that these limbo days hold treasure. Treasure that I will look back at, possibly very soon, and wish I had savored.
Of course I want to feel settled. To not be the new girl who hasn't yet had a chance to warm up to everyone. To not be living on just the essentials in a little RV, without access to all my "stuff" and with a little space to spread out inside when you come in for the night. To have all my financials sorted and figured out, with a clear budget made on what's coming in and what's going out all month. To already have my community set up and know my people. To have a consistent schedule and diet and exercise routine that might settle my nerves and my stomach.
In reading up on dealing with kids who come from hard places, I was recently reminded at how normal rhythms and routines make us feel safe and secure. That's why it's so important to establish clear expectations and routines in a classroom during the first few days of school. They help everyone to know what to expect at every hour of the day so everyone can settle down, settle in, and start learning. I guess moving can fall into one of those "hard places" for an adult. No matter how exciting the move is and how promising it makes the future look, all the transition and change can pull that security right out from under us.
So then I stretch myself into the future, and I think: "Well, once we close on and then fix up the new house, I'll have a place to settle in to and call home. I can spread out, organize my things, and have all my stuff within reach." And then I just tell myself to hold on a little bit longer. Or I think: "Once we get through all the changes of starting accounts at a new bank, switching phone and internet providers, pay all the final utility bills from the last house, change our address for every piece of mail that comes through, etc., then my evenings will be free to really relax and enjoy myself." And I can even possibly think that once it stops raining every other day (don't shoot me for saying that, Texas friends!), I can get into a good exercise routine of walking a certain distance each day, which will make me feel more energized.
But if I'm constantly looking back at my security and looking forward to being able to settle in, I am not fully living in God's beautiful provisions each day since I've been here.
I've wanted to go camping with Mike for so long, and now here we are, literally camping every day for what will end up being two to three full months. Out in nature, where it couldn't be any more peaceful and quiet. With deer running around and visiting every day or so. With a campfire going every night that it's not raining. With a view of the stars that takes your breath away. Less than a ten minute walk down the gravel road to where I work five days a week. I literally don't have to leave the campus at all during the week if I don't want to. I'm free to go early to shower, and to use the laundry facilities in the evenings or on the weekends. Just a quick two minutes in the car. Sometimes when I'm out walking to and from work (when it's not raining), I stop dead in my tracks, take it all in, and remind myself that I really am living here. I may not have a home right now, but that school building/house sure does feel like home, like I was always meant to be there.
I've been gone for four weeks now, and every week has brought a new adventure and a new person into my life that God has very clearly and divinely arranged for me to know. Week one brought a week with Chrissy, whose friendship and deep connection touches my life in a way I never knew how much I needed. Week 2 brought a week of silence so I could get to know my surroundings without anyone around, take some time to read and relax and take in all of my natural surroundings. It also brought a house closing and a house showing and brought an accepted offer on my husband's dream. Week 3 brought a 21-year-old camp counselor that I connected with in an amazing way, showing me why God wanted me to be here in the middle of July. It also brought a quick meeting with my soon to be assistant teacher. Week 4 brought my first 40 hour work-week where I worked completely alone for the first four days researching leadership ideas and developing my very own curriculum to teach Spanish this year to our students in a fun, engaging way. I say I worked alone, except for the few times I connected with the office manager and found out we have so much in common and are both really looking forward to working together. By Friday afternoon, we talked about meeting up at her church (which sounds very much like LakePointe, though on a smaller scale, of course) and going out for coffee sometime soon. Week 5 brings my new assistant, Julia, who starts on Monday morning, and I get the privilege of showing her around because I'm the only one who will be there! We've already met briefly one morning at camp, and we're already texting each other. We will be in training together for most of this week, while also working on how we will set up the room, decorate, etc. (Watching everyone at Bullock Elementary post all their team and staff pics was a bit emotional at first for me this week, but I really do think God is putting me on the dream team here.
With a whole new staff coming on and the need to officially roll out the New Song Leadership Academy, we're not starting with students here for the first nine weeks. We're going to be doing extensive training and planning, as well as team building, so that New Song Leadership Academy can have an even greater impact than before. We want to start out strong and united. That means that the students will be starting out their first nine weeks at home and in public schools, and then those who really need New Song will withdraw at the second nine weeks in order to come on here. It's not ideal, but it was a decision made with a lot of prayer and with the support of the New Song board. However, we have one returning student who will not enroll in public school, but he will start with New Song's normal virtual curriculum at home for the first nine weeks, and I will be working with him as a virtual student so that I can learn the programs that they use. It's a homeschool program called Time4Learning, and I will be adding some of the virtual ideas that I used back during the COVID shutdown that were successful with my students. I will meet him this coming Friday, and then he'll start his virtual learning on Monday morning. I think we will also do a virtual "meeting" on a daily basis, if possible. I think it's a good plan, and I'm really thankful for the way we're taking this extra time to start strong.
So, I'm working hard right now on savoring the present. No matter how inconvenienced I am, how much I miss my old rhythms and routines (and friends and family) or how much I long for the future that looks so promising. Today is yesterday's future, and it holds promise. God was there yesterday, He is here today, and He will be there tomorrow. Every morning I ask Him to surprise me in some way, and He never fails.
Here's a few pics of the last week:
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