As I sit here so incredibly unsettled over the losses and upset from the last six months while trying to grasp what life might (or might not) look like for the next six months, I'm left a bit speechless. So many thoughts run through my mind, yet with so few words available to articulate those thoughts.
I want to reframe the first half of the year, finding the positive and the silver lining, extracting any and all joy to be found, giving it purpose. At the same time I want to grieve and mourn all that we lost. 2020 brought trauma on all levels, and by stuffing the traumatic parts of the year down in order to keep on surviving, we will only create a future full of chronic fear and unresolved emotion.
According to the author of a book I read called Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Sue Johnson, "trauma is any terrifying event that instantly changes the world as we know it, leaving us helpless and emotionally overwhelmed." (p.234) It "shatters our assumptions that the world is just and life is predictable." (p. 236) Hmmm. That sounds to me like there's a whole world full of people presently experiencing trauma. This book also addresses our need for safe people to turn to, because those without them end up struggling much more in the future with depression, while those who have them are able to not only survive, but thrive on the other side.
We can resurface into our new reality post-COVID (which may be much further than we can even predict at this point) with greater strength, resolve, and connection or with unresolved fear and anger at all that just didn't fit our "script" for what life was supposed to look like. I, personally, am hoping for greater strength. I know that God purposed for me to be here on this earth precisely "for such a time as this." I want to know that I didn't cower in fear and miss my responsibility.
So as I step into this seventh month of the most surreal year of my life so far, I am reminded that Scripture uses the number seven often to remind us that God modeled rest on the seventh day. As I'm almost half way into a Bible study I'm leading called Into the Light (Mary DeMuth), I'm reminded that sometimes God wants us to see that He's doing a new thing--something brand new that He's never done before. Am I waiting expectantly to see Him reveal Himself in new ways, or am I rehearsing all I know about His past activity to figure out how He's going to lead us into/through the latter part of this year? Am I going to trust His amazing creativity or keep Him confined to a box of tricks I've already seen Him do?
Part of me wants to jump ahead and make this month as productive as possible, preparing myself to be the best teacher I can possibly be in the new world of teaching that awaits us (one we have very little to compare to or even have many specifics of what to expect going forward). But another part of me hears that voice whispering, "Rest. Take this time to rest."
So I'm committing this seventh month right now to this idea of rest. Like a Sabbath month. We worked our butts off and then some during these first six months. Now I need to slow down and let my body, mind, emotions, and spirit take a much needed break so I can jump into August fully rested and rejuvenated, filled up spiritually, ready to tackle whatever it is that God already has waiting for me.
Rest means I will:
R--Refill my cup where I've gone dry. Perhaps by reading more, rejuvenating my body with movement I enjoy, relaxing with an afternoon nap, reconnecting with friends and family I lost touch with, resting my mind and my eyes from too much social media influence, rehearsing God's faithfulness throughout my life.E--Expect to see God. Perhaps that means spending more of my prayer time just listening and watching rather than just talking, remembering that prayer is a two way conversation. I am eager to find Him in places I've never looked or ways I've never experienced Him yet, seeking Him earnestly day and night until I find Him. Praying without faith is worthless. Praying with eager expectation to see God work is the only way to please God (Hebrews 11:6--believing that He exists AND that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.)
S--Soak Him up. Less social media. More Bible. Less scheduled activity. More time in His presence. Thirsting for intimate relationship with the God who still sits on the throne. My pastor preached a sermon once saying that one moment in the presence of God changes everything. I can't agree more. Those moments when you feel like God reaches down from heaven and touches you, when you KNOW He's right there beside you, hearing every word you speak--those moments are priceless. Soak them up.T--Trust that He's in control. He sees all that's happening here. He hears all of our concerns and questions. He senses all of our anxieties over what life might look like from here. Trust Him enough to release the script, the one where I had life all figured out and knew what it was supposed to look like. Trust that the future of school and teaching look nothing like anything we've ever known before, but He'll be right there with me to guide me along, to keep educating tomorrow's leaders. Trust that nothing is a surprise to Him, nor is it out of His direct control.
So that's my commitment for this seventh month of 2020. Interestingly, after writing about rest, I feel a bit calmer already. If you happen to be off of work like me for one more month this year, would you join me?
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