The letter

Well, I finally got it.  The letter.  The letter.  You know, the one that every adoptive mom (especially one of an older child) hopes to get some day. 

You know, I've been struggling lately with connection.  Connection is a big deal for adopted kids, and it causes a lot of struggles for a lot of families.  Yet I didn't see it as my son having a hard time connecting.  It was me.  I felt myself pulling back, causing this wedge to come between us.  My hormones have been off balance for several months, so it really was an emotional issue that I didn't have much control over.  I got angry, quickly and often, over little things or even over nothing at all. 

I finally went to the doctor, and after a few blood tests, she gave me a diagnosis and some medicine to rebalance my hormones.  The meds actually made it worse, though, which caused an even greater divide.  My doctor took me off the medicine and I seem to be doing a lot better for now.  I feel like I am turning back into myself again, so that's good. 

I worried about how to regain the ground lost during those hormonal months (no, I'm not menopausal--not old enough), and I hoped I hadn't damaged any of the connection we'd previously established.

Both boys wrote me sweet notes for my birthday/Mother's Day last week, and Juan David definitely wrote about how much he loved me and appreciated how we fought for him.

But the day after Mother's Day, he surprised me with a letter he'd written for a class at school, a letter to me.  He told me what an amazing Mom I am, he thanked me for my patience with him and David, and he admitted that we have been arguing a lot recently over things that really didn't matter.  Then he went on to thank me again for loving him, encouraging him, appreciating him, etc.  He wrote it all in English, then reverted to Spanish for the last sentence, saying, "I often wonder what would have become of me if you hadn't adopted me.  Thank you for appreciating me in your life."  In the background of the letter, he wrote I LOVE YOU in an artistic way.

I think I'm going to frame it. 

Since he gave it to me, I have felt an even deeper connection than before.  I am looking forward to a whole summer to keep growing and connecting in new and deeper ways.