It's funny how situations like these and emergencies happen that remind us to seize the moment at hand. I mean, you truly never know what's coming around the corner. Another mundane day, a huge blessing, a big loss or disappointment, or some kind of emergency that throws all plans up into the air. Some people thrive on spontaneity. Others can go with the flow, but don't necessarily like it, while others have such a deep need for control that a change in the normal plan or routine throws them into a tailspin or freezes them on the spot. I'm not quite sure where I fit on that line, other than that I don't thrive on spontaneity. I can go with the flow, as long as I have a chance to process any changes thrown at me. I'm like the GPS voice who takes a moment to say, "Recalculating," before giving new directions.
David's accident has definitely been one that has my brain constantly recalculating, trying to find my bearings and figure out where I am. I thought I had plans, but apparently God has me in a stage of life where I'm just supposed to live day by day, moment by moment, and let Him order my steps. Just when I was starting to settle into my new life, accept being so far away from my sons and my family, make new friends, join new groups, put events on my calendar, and actually learn my way around, I got thrust right back to Texas to connect once again with all the people I just left not too long ago. I haven't even been gone for four months yet, so in some way it feels like I only went on a long trip, while at the same time, I know I don't belong here anymore. Too many new things are missing here, like my new job and coworkers, my new church, the peacefulness of the country, and all of our family there.
It's such an odd feeling to be here. But for some reason, God brought me back for a couple weeks and took me away from my new normal. I missed the last night of our women's Bible study, when I had planned to give a card to the leader to thank her and let her know how much I appreciated her leadership. The next study won't be till February or March. I missed our third night in our new community group that we just joined. And this week I'm missing the membership meeting and lunch at our new church that we signed up for over a month ago and had on our calendar. I missed being fully present with the ladies during dinner at the Mom's retreat because I was so focused on getting information about David during his surgery. I missed meeting two sets of prospective houseparents that came onto campus at New Song, the ones I have been praying about daily since before I moved there. I missed my last meeting with my mentee before she left to spend some time overseas. I missed my husband's birthday, the first one in a long time that he got to spend with his own family instead of mine. And I missed taking my virtual student on a field trip the last two weeks with my awesome teammate.
But I DO get the chance to celebrate both of my boys' milestone birthdays (21 and 25) in close proximity to them, when I thought I'd be a thousand miles away for both of them--and had actually just commented to my new friends about how sad I was to miss them. I DO get to reconnect with people that I love and with people that I never got the chance to say goodbye to. I DO get to be in town for a few days to feel closer to my dear friend going through cancer and grieving all at the same time. I DO have some extra time on my hands to read, write, journal, and color (though my hands and time are pretty full right now with taking care of David's every need, so that extra time is a bit choppy and interrupted). I DO get to spend a LOT of time with my precious son, whose independent spirit often keeps me at an arm's length. I DO get to spend a little extra time with my mom who can visit easily because she's only a few minutes down the road from where we are staying. I DO get to visit the church where we raised David that I hadn't been back to visit since COVID because we switched to the main campus. I DO get to drive around and actually know my way around for a few days. I DO get to be blessed by our church family in this time of unexpected need. I DO get to watch God take care of us by prompting others to love on us. I DO get to receive love and support from double the friends and family now that we have a foot in two places with closer relationships (both relationally and in proximity) with Mike's side of the family. I DO have a lot of time and space to think and reflect. I DO get to be excited about all the work and advancements Mike has made on the house so that it can finally start to feel like home when I get back.
A friend shared a game changer with me early in the summer that has made such an incredible difference in my reaction to life--to ask God to help me be open to HIS agenda for my day. I'm not saying I don't make plans because planning is good stewardship of our time, but when my plans get interrupted, I'm reminded to seize the moment as one planned and orchestrated by God.
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