My Word for 2023

As the month of December started, I began to think and pray about my word for 2023. 

I had just started reading through a devotional Advent book with my mom for the month of December, specifically called Emmanuel, a 25 day journey to prepare Christ room at Christmas time and always, written by Ruth Chou Simons. As I got to Day 22, titled the Prince of Peace, my curiosity peaked since I had just been reflecting over my word for 2022, Peace.

Little did I know that God was going to use the day's devotional reading on PEACE to lead me into my word for the next year.

Here are a few quotes from that day's reading on page 207.

"The peace we experience in our everyday lives becomes an overflow of the peace we know when the Prince of Peace rules our hearts.....even lovely attempts at creating a peaceful atmosphere fall short of giving us true peace.... Where do you look to find peace? Does it satisfy?"

"In this season, teach me to be satisfied with nothing less than peace with You and peace in You."

The word jumped out at me, just as it did when I searched for verses for my post about having to fight for that sacred time in the morning to spend with God. So I made a note of it in my devotional and continued reading the following day.

Day 23, titled Lord of Lords  on page 212.

"Submitting to the lordship of Christ in our lives should be a joyful laying down of our own wills in recognition that our King, Jesus, is stronger, better, more loving, and more satisfying than anything else we could align our lives with." 

"What a delight life becomes when we make Christ master over everything? And how miserable life becomes when we cling to a throne that is not rightfully ours."

When I look for peace in a person rather than in my unsettled/unfinished circumstances, I can be satisfied. Not just content , delighted, or joyful or not miserable, but satisfied. That's my desire for the year ahead. Both peace (authentic peace) and satisfaction from spending time in the presence of Christ.

The definition of the word for satisfy in Hebrew is to be sated, satisfied or surfeited.

According to the dictionary, the word surfeited means: cause (someone) to desire no more of something as a result of having consumed or done it to excess. The word sated means to be fully satisfied or overfilled. 

Can you imagine being so consumed with your time with Jesus that you don't or can't desire more? Imagine how different my outlook on each day might be if that's the way I start my morning? 

The more filled I am with the presence of Jesus, the more I can't help but let him overflow onto everyone around me. 

That's what I want--to be fully satisfied with Jesus love early in the morning. I don't just want contentment, which means I am choosing to be happy with whatever I have. Satisfied means I got exactly what I wanted, what I was searching for!

May I come to Jesus each and every day truly seeking to be fully satisfied with Him. 

From the Heart of Rachelle D. Alspaugh: Word for 2022

The year 2022 finished my first decade of having a word for the year. I really do pray about them and ask for God's leading to the word he wants me to focus on each year. They're not always a word I would choose, but in hindsight, the word I've been given has truly fit with the circumstances of my year. Here are the words God has given me over the last decade:

2013-Trust (While trying to finally complete Juan's adoption successfully.)

2014-Live (Learning to embrace life with a new son)

2015-Give (Wanting to give back or pay it forward for all that had been given to us through Juan's 5 year adoption process)

2016-Joy (Spelled GRATITUDE)

2017-Focus (Pulled back from everything but the essential to give God room to be God)

2018-Cherish (So many precious, priceless memories to hold close to my heart)

2019-Shine (Spending time with Jesus should make his love shine through us)

2020-Release (Let go of expectations and experience God in new ways)

2021-Receive (After releasing my expectations, I was in a better position to receive new blessings)

2022-Peace (Life may get hectic, complicated, and uncomfortable, but Peace is a Person who is always there.)

This year started out complicated, lonely, and sad. I desperately needed peace. I tried to create it in my environment by eliminating clutter (or at least trying), lighting candles to create a calm atmosphere and a pleasant aroma, creating a small coffee bar that gave a cozy welcome as soon as I walked in the front door, setting up pretty plants and decorations on both my front and back porch to have a nice place to retreat whenever needed, playing calm music with a fireplace heater to bring a warm, comforting mood, etc. 

But God gently reminded me that peace is not circumstantial or environmental. Peace is a Person. No matter what the environment looks or feels like, no matter what is happening in our lives or around us, as long as we focus on Christ's presence, we can find Peace. 

If I thought life was complicated, hectic, and lonely on January 1st this year with Mike and David in Indiana for 3 weeks tending to a house that needed major clean up, a mom healing from a major surgery, a father's funeral, and a grieving widow, while Juan isolated himself in his room back here in Texas, and I cared for him through a closed door and quarantined myself from anyone else, it sure did get even more complicated, hectic, and lonely as the year went on. 

Complicated from all the challenges you read about two posts ago.

Hectic in trying to move and then never settle. (Not yet, anyway).

Lonely in trying to follow a call to ministry that only few can understand, a call that meant hurting those closest to you by moving away from them. I definitely kept a lot of thoughts and emotions buried inside this year. 

Here is the link to my post about my word on January 1st of this year.

From the Heart of Rachelle D. Alspaugh: Word for 2022: 

Just like any other of the words God gave me over the last decade, He knew the year that awaited me and knew that I needed to keep my focus on His constant presence. I'm so thankful for the word He gave me, just another way to remind me that He's always ahead of me, always guiding me and looking out for me.  

Jehovah Shalom--The Lord is Peace.

Stay tuned for the word I believe God has given me for 2023.

Finishing up Christmas up North

Wednesday morning we drove up to Carmel to go back to the doctor that we transferred David's care to here in Indiana, and he took the pins out of David's wrists after 9 1/2 weeks. It was definitely not a very comfortable experience. I chose not to watch, but I did put my phone up to take a video for Mike. I have yet to watch the video yet, though, and don't know that I ever will. 

David said he went from zero pain to quite a bit of pain the rest of the day, like his arms just ached and it hurt to do pretty much everything he'd gotten accustomed to being able to do at this point. So he still wore the splints all day for protection and comfort.

Today he started physical therapy with motions that involve the wrists and rotation of the forearms. 

After getting the pins out, we left the doctor and kept on driving north up to Claypool, IN to make a special stop.

Last time we were here, the gravestone had not come yet. 

After that stop, we drove on to Warsaw to celebrate Christmas as a family and to stay the night with Mike's mom in her new house. It's much smaller than her old house, but we all fit and didn't fall over on top of each other. It will be much easier when it's not winter, though. 

We played a lot of games together, and that was a lot of fun. Our family loves and plays games A LOT, so it was fun getting the kids to play with us and then to play cards with the adults till midnight and beyond. 

We taught Dane and Reese how to play SORRY, a game that David and I played a ton when he was little. I think we have like 3 or 4 different versions of it in storage. 

I love how a simple deck of cards can draw us all together and keep us playing, laughing, (and maybe yelling or mumbling under our breath) for hours on end. 

Reese and Chrissy playing Connect Four.

Mike, David, and I playing Bibleopoly (at home the night before we went to Warsaw) that Chrissy and the boys contributed to our future game room (guest room, office, library, craft room, etc.)

Present time. 

This was a panoramic picture, so don't let it deceive you to think it's a really big room.

In the last 20 years, I can probably count on one hand the times we've all been together at Christmastime. After the last two years that my mother-in-law has had, this was a gift she did not take for granted this year. 

David doing his thing, being the "cat whisperer". This little kitty sure did like him.

If Mike and Matt and Mark are ever together at Christmas, they just have to make fudge. They sure had a blast making it together this year. 

Their peanut butter fudge turned out amazing!

Matt's holding a piece of cheese here, so it must have been when they were making mac n cheese. 

All the cousins (except for Juan David) eating Christmas dinner 

(Ham, mac n cheese, broccoli salad, corn casserole, rolls, and dirt pudding for dessert).

The only girl grandchild, my only Alspaugh niece. Love her. 

I'm so thankful to be able to be in her life now and to see her more often. I look forward to lots more visits with her.

We stayed the night, got up and had breakfast together, played a few more games, had leftovers for lunch, and then we headed back to Columbus. Mike, David, and I stopped to spend some Christmas money on the way home. I got some cute vests and a much needed new winter coat. A $200 coat on sale for $45! 

A quick stop for dinner at Jaggers (first time for me) back in Columbus before we got home. 

Now that David is in therapy, learning how to assume independence again, we're trying to soak up as much time as we have left with him here before he heads back to school soon.

 

22 Blessings of 2022

22 Blessings of 2022 

(Yesterday's post on challenges in black, today the blessings that came from those challenges in red)

1. COVID hit our home, forcing Juan and I to cancel our plane tickets on January 1st to fly to Indiana for Mike's dad's funeral. Actually, since I didn't make it to the funeral, Matt stayed in Warsaw for longer than expected with Mike and David, and Chrissy did her best to keep three little boys entertained on her own in Columbus. One of those days, she ended up at the library, where she randomly met Laurie from New Song Mission and found out they needed a teacher. All while Mike was praying for God to draw MY HEART to Indiana if He wanted us to move there. Like puzzle pieces coming together. 
2. Starting off the year with Mike and David in Indiana for 3 straight weeks, bringing them home in a snowstorm and very icy roads with a trailer full of many of his dad's things. But the blessing is that they made it home SAFELY, just in time for David to head back to school at DBU a day later. I also had a very bonding time with Juan and cherished the opportunity to take care of him through that. 
3. Wrestling through the thoughts of the possibility of moving to Indiana for Mike and I to pursue a business venture/mission opportunity--moving closer to his family and much further away from mine. God very unmistakably called me to New Song Mission. I felt it deep within my soul as soon as I set foot on campus. Now when I talk to people here that are connected to New Song, they always say, "Thank you for answering the call."
4. Finding the right words, timing, opportunity to tell Juan and the rest of my family about the possibility of moving away from them (Still think this in itself was by far my greatest challenge of the year) Juan needed a push to step up and step out. He wants to do everything on his own timetable (don't we all?), even if it means he lets a million opportunities slip by him. This was God's way of forcing him to take responsibility for himself. It may have been exceptionally hard to tell my family, but at the same time, I am grateful that they get to see me working on the mission field God has been preparing me for and that they supported me to follow the call. 
5. Big ice storms in Texas If it weren't for the ice storms, I don't know how I could have managed to find time for daytime phone calls and interviews with New Song. 
6. Working retail as a manager (Mike) with ever-changing schedules It's such an incredible blessing to now work with his brother rather than trying to manage a bunch of associates that really didn't care about doing their job and wanted to call in sick every other day (and then be looked down upon because the work didn't get done with less associates than planned).
7. Being far away from his mom (Mike) while trying to help her navigate life as a widow and make decisions on changes in housing Mike's mom moved out of the old house and closed on a new-to-her home just a few doors down from where Mike and I first lived when we got married. She's so happy to have all her boys in the same state and within driving distance. We've already seen each other often, and hopefully we'll be able to visit more with her once our house doesn't need so much time and work done on it.
8. Finding the right time to resign from my 19-year-teaching-career (in the same school) to give my principal the respect of having time to fill my position yet wanting to respect my own need for privacy (I'm that introvert that would have rather just disappeared over the summer months than to have to be the center of everyone's questions and/or gossip). I was able to resign and my principal kept it quiet for me as long as possible. He also highly praised me both personally and publicly for my quiet leadership and dedication to the school for so many years. 
9. Juan got into an accident and didn't have a car (other than his work truck) for our last several weeks in Texas Juan not having a car for personal use during such a critical time period forced him to have to rely on me to take him places, including the gym and apartment hunting. It actually gave us extra bonding time that we would not have had and gave me a chance to be there with him when he found the apartment where he felt right at home. 
10. Starting out my first summer evening thinking a relaxing night awaited me while Mike, David, and Juan went outside to work on landscaping to get the house ready to sell, only to rush to rescue my cat from a strange fall and get bit by him, landing me in the hospital for two days a week later. So much for just having paid off all my medical bills from my post-covid heart issues the year before. Somehow I felt very calm and at peace as I sat in the ER and heard them tell me they were admitting me for the next 24-48 hours. I had time with David as he stayed by my side in the ER, I had time with my mom when she came to visit, time with a friend who brought me nuts to snack on, and just a lot of time alone in a quiet room, forcing me to rest and just BE shortly before I moved. I was thankful for my sweet cardiologist who saw the infection in my leg and insisted I get seen immediately. Who knows what may have happened if I ignored it one more day, thinking it wasn't that bad. And thankfully the profit we made on the house sale provided extra funds to pay on the new medical bills.
11. Having our first house contract fall through right before we had already arranged to move, leaving us to move anyway without the house funds we hoped to have to help with the move We thought we were all set to close just in time to move, until we realized we'd been taken advantage of, so we had to back out of the deal. The house went back on the market and sold very quickly AFTER we moved, and we closed just hours before our current house and property went on the market. 
12. Moving--especially having to pack a truck (Mike and David) when it was 107 degrees outside and then overloading the truck, making it very difficult to get up hills during the drive, specifically the very LAST hill. We had to call my brother-in-law in the middle of the night (he was up waiting for us, anyway) to bring his excursion to pull us up that last hill to get to his house. Our overloaded truck (too many heavy tools, I think?) and our caravan behind it (David and I each driving a separate vehicle, each with a cat in tow) made it safely to Columbus, IN on the morning of July 10th. About 2:30 in the morning to be exact, once Matt pulled us up the hill. 
13. One of my closest co-workers lost her husband to a lung disease, and then about two weeks after that, my closest friend lost her husband to cancer. Ten weeks later, she was diagnosed with a very rare cancer herself and is fighting her own battle now amidst her grief. The same day she was diagnosed, I found out that another close coworker who had just lost her own husband within the year also lost her son to a heart attack. Knowing your friends are hurting so very deeply is so hard, especially when you are suddenly so far away. I don't want to say any of this is a blessing, but I was very thankful to be able to attend all three of my friends' husbands' funerals, and then to be able to unexpectedly see all three of those dear friends when I went back to Texas for David's emergency. I hope my visit was a comfort to them, but just being able to see them was a real gift to my soul. 
14. Arriving at New Song Mission as the new, long-prayed-for teacher only to find out that we did not have houseparents, meaning we could not house students, meaning we had to delay the start of school for at least the first 9 weeks. (Try explaining that to people who knew you moved away for a very unique teaching position, especially to those who were skeptic about it.) Actually, hearing that I had the first 9 weeks to work in a quiet environment to prepare for the rest of the school year was music to this introvert's ears. And oh, how I loved our team meetings, starting out praying in faith for God to draw a new set of houseparents and bring them in time for the 2nd nine weeks of school. We all faithfully prayed for the ability to have kids back on campus by October 17th. But as the time got closer and the right houseparent fit didn't appear, we started asking God what could be his purpose for yet another delay. We had kids waiting to come, now so disappointed that they weren't going to be able to. Especially my one online student who wanted nothing more than to be in "real school". Thankfully, we added a new expansion to our ministry by putting our energy into hosting a retreat for the moms of our campers/future students by partnering with a ministry in Indianapolis. We quickly saw the reason for God's delay in bringing houseparents, though, reminding us that He saw things we didn't see. First COVID took two of our four person team out for a week, leaving only two of us to host the retreat. And then during the retreat, David had a pretty serious accident that left me no choice but to fly back to Texas in an emergency with no idea how quickly I could return, never imagining I wouldn't be able to come back for three weeks! Also my teammate was asked to join a mission team for one of those weeks to help with hurricane relief because she has skills that are invaluable to such a cause. We all scattered for the month of November, precisely when God drew that special couple from Indianapolis to be the houseparents we'd so faithfully prayed for. And now we are extra prepared and have given the school a more solid foundation and an enhanced curriculum to teach our students. Plus we have an even stronger relationship now with the ministry in Indianapolis that connected us with our students and their moms. 
15. Finally living close to Mike's brother's family, only for them to all be extremely sick with COVID-like symptoms and a cough that lasted for weeks. I had a bad stomach issue that kept me grounded, in close proximity to bathrooms (not sure if it was the water, the probiotics I was taking after so many antibiotics for the cat bite, or just that the antibiotics had torn my stomach apart), but it thankfully passed. Mike and David both got whatever Matt and Chrissy's family had in late August, but have been fine ever since then. Matt and Chrissy's family had another round of sickness and lingering coughs, but everyone seems to finally be on the mend. This has definitely been the year that everyone's sick, all the time. I'm just thankful that this year, as inconvenient and miserable as it is, we're not all fearing for our life.
16. Making yourself at home in a small RV on the beautiful campus at New Song, only to have the AC make a loud noise in the middle of the night and not be able to find a part to fix it for quite a long time. When that AC went out, it was really hot outside! And super hot inside the camper. I tried to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon and woke up soaking wet from sweating. We tried to make do with fans and windows open, but it was just too much. Thankfully, we were able to take the cats and some clothes into the campus center at New Song (right above my classroom) and sleep there. The few days we asked for turned into several weeks, maybe even a month. So we pretty much had moved in. It was actually a beautiful experience, giving us a chance to spread out, hang our clothes in a large walk-in-closet, bathe in a normal size tub and shower, cook in a full-size kitchen, and truly feel at home at New Song. That was the one period of time this year that I did not have to fight for that sacred space and time in the mornings. I either sat at the large kitchen table as I watched the sun rise or I took Boots out on his leash so I could sit on the deck and look over the quiet pond or watch the deer playing just over the hill. And I didn't have far to go to work each day as I walked down the stairs to get to my classroom. We never did fix the AC, but we moved the camper to our own property the day after we closed in early September and moved back in. In Indiana, the weather was perfect by September to sleep with the windows open as fall approached quickly. 
17. David getting the same COVID-like symptom sickness on the day he left to make his first ever 14 hour drive alone from Columbus, IN to Dallas. That independent boy barely said a word about being so sick, though he did ask for some medicine before he headed out that morning. He was determined to prove his independence by making that drive on his own that day, and thankfully he made it safely to DBU, despite being so, so sick. 
18. Torrents of rain that fell on Dallas (after a long drought) on the first day of class at DBU, soaking David's backpack, ruining his laptop that he obviously needed for classes He was sick, and then his laptop stopped working. He'd budgeted enough money for gas, food, and books, but not for a new computer at the start of the semester. So he started that first week in a panic over money, going broke very fast. But between an unexpected gift that came in the mail and the kindness of someone at church, he was blown away at how God blessed him and provided for his needs. Those situations are so hard and stressful, but when you get to see God provide for you, it's always worth the struggle. 
19. Dealing with awful stomach/digestive issues the entire first month I was in Indiana I always made sure there was a bathroom nearby, especially after I ate or drank anything. When my friend in Texas started having a lot of restroom related issues, I had extra empathy for her because I'd just been through my own issues. Sometimes God lets us go through physical ailments just to help us physically understand someone else's pain or discomfort. 
20. Buying an 85-year-old house that needed a LOT of work and complete renovation and then having to wait almost 2 months to close on said house. Then having to live in it while renovating it. God is teaching me a lot about contentment, gratitude, and patience. Backstory: I read through a book earlier in the year about respecting your husband alongside several other women in our marriage group. A chapter that really convicted me was about entering my husband's world and getting involved in things that he enjoys. My husband is a very outdoorsy guy. He likes to work on trucks and then play around in them in the mud. (I HATE mud.) He likes to run equipment, mow the lawn, etc. I knew when I read that chapter that this is an area where I have miserably failed. Moving onto this large property out in the country in a house that needs so much work is completely out of my element, but 100% in his element. This is my chance to respect him by entering his world and at least try to find enjoyment in it. It's also a chance for me to see him in his element and appreciate all he does and can do to transform it and make it better. 
21. David got into a mountain-biking accident, broke both of his arms and dislocated both of his wrists and had to have surgery right away. He would need 24 hour care for several weeks and could not go back to school for the rest of the semester due to not being able to use either of his arms for at least two months. He could not fly for at least two weeks after his surgery, but he had nowhere to go because we had just moved a thousand miles away. It's been complicated, and expensive, for sure. And quite uncomfortable and humbling for David, to say the least. But the way God took care of him and us for those three weeks in Texas, gave me the opportunity to see and visit friends and family, gave Juan an unexpected family birthday celebration, gave David a chance to see progress on the house, spend time with his dad watching Cowboys games and Mavericks games together, and to see his dad in a more freeing atmosphere has been priceless. Everyone has a story, and this is something that God always had planned to weave into David's story for some purpose. It's definitely been a gift to celebrate his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and soon New Year's with him. God has definitely had a purpose for him to spend a LOT of time in Indiana this year (3 weeks in the beginning of the year with Mike helping clean out the garage and barn in my mother-in-law's old house, a week in March for my interview at New Song, almost 6 weeks in the summer helping with the move and then working with his uncle's business, and now two months to end the year and start the new one before he heads back to start a new semester at DBU while finishing up the semester he had to cut short.) All such unexpected changes to his life, but none without purpose. 
22. Not having anywhere to feel settled and at home, even now 3 1/2 months after purchasing our house and property. Seems pretty minor compared to some of the other challenges, but honestly, not feeling truly at home anywhere is very unsettling. I hate feeling scattered and unsettled. But what a better time than Christmas to remember that Christ left heaven behind to be born in a dark, cold, dirty stable to grow up in a world full of uncomfortable surroundings and situations. But for the joy set before him, he endured it. Mike and Matt have a vision for this house that I haven't always seen. It's forcing me to learn patience and to trust, to be grateful for the little things and for baby steps. It's brought family together and put me in a position where I don't know how to cope or do much of anything, forcing me to rely on family that does know what they're doing. Just like David being put in situations where his independent spirit has to rely on others to aid him with the most basic survival skills, God is doing the same for me. 

Have there been other blessings this year? Of course. But I think these reiterate the point that sometimes you have to go through the ugly parts of life to get to the beautiful parts. Each hardship is also a blessing (or perhaps many blessings) in disguise. So I'm learning to embrace both the good and the bad and to be thankful for it all. 

22 challenges of 2022

I've only got a few days left of my break, which hasn't seemed like much of a break to me, and a lot of thoughts running around in my head that have never had a chance to get written down. So I'll try to tie them all in somehow into my last few blog posts of the year. Hey, if I keep them all inside, they'll feel caged in and won't let me start fresh for a new year. That's kind-of the way I work. 

Every year has its share of challenges, as well as highlight experiences (valleys and mountains). This year was not any different, bringing with it a lot of hard along with a lot of good. Of course we wish we could just take the good and never go through the bad, but what I've found is that sometimes you won't ever experience the good if you don't go through the bad first. So even when we wish we didn't have to go through the hard times, we can look back and cherish them because they led us to the good things.

So my final blogs for the year will be:

22 Challenges of 2022

22 Blessings of 2022

Reflections of my 2022 Word for the year

And January 1, I will write about my new word for 2023 and perhaps after that, 23 Things I'm Hoping for in 2023. We'll see. I have a much harder time trying to blog than I used to. I always have high hopes and good intentions, but reality looks a lot different now.

So here goes: 22 Challenges of 2022

1. COVID hit our home, forcing Juan and I to cancel our plane tickets on January 1st to fly to Indiana for Mike's dad's funeral. 
2. Starting off the year with Mike and David in Indiana for 3 straight weeks, bringing them home in a snowstorm and very icy roads with a trailer full of many of his dad's things. 
3. Wrestling through the thoughts of the possibility of moving to Indiana for Mike and I to pursue a business venture/mission opportunity--moving closer to his family and much further away from mine.
4. Finding the right words, timing, opportunity to tell Juan and the rest of my family about the possibility of moving away from them (Still think this in itself was by far my greatest challenge of the year)
5. Big ice storms in Texas
6. Working retail as a manager (Mike) with ever-changing schedules 
7. Being far away from his mom (Mike) while trying to help her navigate life as a widow and make decisions on changes in housing
8. Finding the right time to resign from my 19-year-teaching-career (in the same school) to give my principal the respect of having time to fill my position yet wanting to respect my own need for privacy (I'm that introvert that would have rather just disappeared over the summer months than to have to be the center of everyone's questions and/or gossip). 
9. Juan got into an accident and didn't have a car (other than his work truck) for our last several weeks in Texas
10. Starting out my first summer evening thinking a relaxing night awaited me while Mike, David, and Juan went outside to work on landscaping to get the house ready to sell, only to rush to rescue my cat from a strange fall and get bit by him, landing me in the hospital for two days a week later. So much for just having paid off all my medical bills from my post-covid heart issues the year before.
11. Having our first house contract fall through right before we had already arranged to move, leaving us to move anyway without the house funds we hoped to have to help with the move
12. Moving--especially having to pack a truck (Mike and David) when it was 107 degrees outside and then overloading the truck, making it very difficult to get up hills during the drive, specifically the very LAST hill. We had to call my brother-in-law in the middle of the night (he was up waiting for us, anyway) to bring his excursion to pull us up that last hill to get to his house. 
13. One of my closest co-workers lost her husband to a lung disease, and then about two weeks after that, my closest friend lost her husband to cancer. Ten weeks later, she was diagnosed with a very rare cancer herself and is fighting her own battle now amidst her grief. The same day she was diagnosed, I found out that another close coworker who had just lost her own husband within the year also lost her son to a heart attack. Knowing your friends are hurting so very deeply is so hard, especially when you are suddenly so far away.
14. Arriving at New Song Mission as the new, long-prayed-for teacher only to find out that we did not have houseparents, meaning we could not house students, meaning we had to delay the start of school for at least the first 9 weeks. (Try explaining that to people who knew you moved away for a very unique teaching position, especially to those who were skeptic about it.)
15. Finally living close to Mike's brother's family, only for them to all be extremely sick with COVID-like symptoms and a cough that lasted for weeks. 
16. Making yourself at home in a small RV on the beautiful campus at New Song, only to have the AC make a loud noise in the middle of the night and not be able to find a part to fix it for quite a long time. 
17. David getting the same COVID-like symptom sickness on the day he left to make his first ever 14 hour drive alone from Columbus, IN to Dallas. 
18. Torrents of rain that fell on Dallas (after a long drought) on the first day of class at DBU, soaking David's backpack, ruining his laptop that he obviously needed for classes
19. Dealing with awful stomach/digestive issues the entire first month I was in Indiana 
20. Buying an 85-year-old house that needed a LOT of work and complete renovation and then having to wait almost 2 months to close on said house. Then having to live in it while renovating it. God is teaching me a lot about contentment, gratitude, and patience. 
21. David got into a mountain-biking accident, broke both of his arms and dislocated both of his wrists and had to have surgery right away. He would need 24 hour care for several weeks and could not go back to school for the rest of the semester due to not being able to use either of his arms for at least two months. He could not fly for at least two weeks after his surgery, but he had nowhere to go because we had just moved a thousand miles away. 
22. Not having anywhere to feel settled and at home, even now 3 1/2 months after purchasing our house and property. Seems pretty minor compared to some of the other challenges, but honestly, not feeling truly at home anywhere is very unsettling. 

Fight for it

Everyone who knows me well knows that mornings are sacred to me. Especially mornings with Jesus. One of my favorite memories of David was when he was five years old, our first summer at our house in Texas. I had a new front porch with a small table and chairs where God met with me each morning for coffee and a special time of prayer. I will never forget the way God just drew me in that summer. Mike went to work, David slept in, and I took my Bible, my journal, and my prayer book out to the table on the front porch every single morning and stayed out there till David got out of bed and wanted breakfast. It was the most precious thing when he woke up one morning, came out to the living room, opened the front screen door to look at me and say, "Are you spending your time with Jesus, Mommy?"

Ever since that summer, I've guarded my mornings, treasuring that time. I can't stand to start my day without it, without that intimate time of prayer and Bible study. Once you taste it, you realize you never want to go back to a hurried, frenzied morning ever again. Who wouldn't want to spend a morning rehearsing the day's events with the one who orders our steps, knows what's coming, and knows how to prepare us? Who wouldn't want to spend time with someone who speaks words of love and affirmation to them before anyone else has a chance to tear them down? Who wouldn't want to start their day praying over their loved ones, entrusting them to the One who created them and has a divine purpose for each of their days? 

After watching the movie WAR ROOM (still my favorite movie ever), I wanted to create a special space in my home as my personal war room, a place where I could fight my battles in prayer and pray for other people in their own battles. In the summers, I had my front porch and a little caddy of books, journals, notecards, a Bible and colored pens that I could take outside with me. In the colder times of the year, I had a special prayer chair with a shelf and a lamp beside it where I could store my little caddy. 

This particular year, surprisingly, turned into a year that I have truly had to FIGHT for that time. I found out about a Bible reading plan that took you through the Bible chronologically in a year. It would require a bit of a time commitment, but I really wanted to see the entire Bible laid out in the order that it most likely happened, and I loved the idea of joining my sister-in-law on her second journey through. I guess Satan felt pretty threatened and made sure it would NOT be easy to complete. I would try to listen to the Scripture on audio, and then after the Scripture, I would listen to the podcast that kind-of retold the Scripture in modern-day language and explained a few fascinating cultural things that I may have missed. 

In my normal quiet time routine, it would have been easy, but somehow I fought for both the time and space to be alone. My neighbor decided to come outside with his two german shepherds to water his lawn early in the mornings precisely when I would go outside on my front porch, even when it was still dark outside. Mike worked strange shifts, sometimes very early in the morning, meaning he was out drinking his coffee while I was trying to have my prayer time (I pray out loud, so that didn't work out so well). With his shift changing from day to day, there was not really any consistency for me, either. My son came home from college often and camped out on the couch in the living room since I had taken over part of his bedroom with an extra rack of clothes. My back porch and yard got taken over by Mike and David bringing so many of Mike's dad's things back from Indiana and never finding a place for any of it, leaving me feeling a huge lack of peace if I tried to sit out there. Our surroundings really do have an effect on some of us, no matter how hard we try to not let them. 

Then there were the house showings, the two days I stayed in the hospital, and then the big move after that. We stayed in a camper for awhile at New Song and then for awhile behind our "new" house. It's hard to have that prayer time inside a small RV with Mike sleeping less than ten feet away, so while at New Song's property, I sat outside. Until it rained every other day. Then on our own property, I'd get up and go inside the living room in the house early every morning. Except when family kept coming to visit and camping out in that living room. Nights got cold quick, so we eventually moved into the living room, so I hung out in the cat's room in the mornings. A room in desperate need of renovation with an odd odor, in addition to the litter box odor. Then I ended up in Texas with David, staying as a guest for almost three weeks in a friend's house--without my headphones. When I came back home with David in tow, Mike had finished renovating the cat's room into the spare room, where we "moved in", giving me the living room back for my mornings, except that now David slept there. We got our kitchen table out of storage, so now that's where I sit, with David sleeping less than 20 feet away. And now, it's really cold in the kitchen because we're heating the house with a wood stove, so the warmest and coziest place is the living room.

So as you can see, it's definitely been a FIGHT to find both that sacred time or that sacred space. But I was convicted the other day of placing a higher value on my own comfortable surroundings to spend time with God than I was on just cherishing my time with God. My war room is my heart and Christ is with me wherever I am. Paul didn't let prison stop him from spending time in prayer. Jesus didn't let the constant crowds around him keep him from getting up early in the morning to go outside on the mountain to pray. 

Of course I look forward to a quiet, cozy living room to set up a prayer chair area and spend time alone with God or a quiet deck to sit outside and soak in the nature around me this coming summer. One day I won't have to fight to find that sacred space again, but I will always continue fighting for that sacred time. 

I pray that you, too, will fight for that sacred time with God before you start your days. Now that I'm coming to the last few days of reading/listening through the Bible chronologically, I highly recommend the journey. I've learned a lot and see the Bible much more vividly. Things connect and come alive in a way they never have before for me. I will post links for you to get started, but make sure you come prepared for a fight! 

http://www.thebiblerecap.com/start

Christmas Eve 2022

I woke up Christmas Eve morning with a deep sadness in my heart that led to a very sensitive spirit and an early meltdown before the day barely started. Nothing about Christmas felt right this year, except that David was here. 

The house was cold. Most of my decorations, especially all my nativity sets, were still in storage. My parents were far away, and Juan spent the day alone and would not be with us later that evening to open our gifts and stockings together. I missed him so much, and I just could not hold in my sadness or tears to be so far away from him. 

After a pretty big meltdown and a cleaning spree (that's what we do when emotions are high in our home), I settled down enough to talk through a plan for the day. We ended up turning on LakePointe's first candlelight service of the day and watching it online together. I'm sure it filled David with excitement, knowing he'll be back at LakePointe in person soon enough. For me, the tears flowed out again as I realized it may be a long time before I can be present to worship there again with him. I'll be honest with you, those three weeks back in Texas really messed with me and made me feel like I took several steps backwards in this journey. Three weeks was too long and too soon. But joining online felt good, especially knowing that it's still David's church home.

After watching the service, we went into town to get our traditional Papa John's pizza for Christmas Eve, despite it being early afternoon. It was the first we'd gone out since the big freeze just two nights before. Thankfully the temps got up into the high teens for Christmas Eve.

We came home, ate pizza, played a few card games, and then the Cowboys played the Eagles, so I took a nap. LOL. I got up from my nap around 6:00, just in time to see that the Cowboys won. After the Cowboys game, we ate cheesecake bites (David's favorite), drank Eggnog, and got a nice fire going so we could go to the living room to open our gifts. We had very few gifts to open because we'd already decided to gift each other spending money for another day this week that we'll be driving through a bigger city. We still had a nice evening together, and then we facetimed with Juan. :)

We got up early this morning on Christmas to attend the one service offered at our church today at 9:00. The auditorium was full, and even the Pastor said he was very surprised to see the turnout. He ended a series on the history of some of the Christmas songs we sing, today finishing with Joy to the World, the song published and sung the most out of any other song. I have really enjoyed the series and have a greater appreciation for the lyrics of many of the carols we sing. 

Here we are Christmas morning at one of the trees set up at church.

LakePointe's candlelight service online. 

Our Christmas Eve tradition--Papa John's pizza after church. 

Our very white Christmas this year

Jelly Bellies--the jelly beans Mike used to get me when we were dating. Snacking on them as I type. 

There's no Buc-ees here in Indiana, so we'll see how these caramel puffs compare to the beaver nuggets that we like so much. 

A hoodie that David got for Mike (and for himself). They really do like to match because they always buy everything the same. LOL. 

Boots enjoying his new toy. 

There's definitely not enough blankets around here for this cold!

I had more pictures, but they are not cooperating to load, so I may have to update later with more pics if I remember. We got cards with $ from my parents, Mike got me some thermal gloves for extreme polar temps, and David picked me out a whole set of fuzzy socks that I find myself using EVERY DAY here. I also got some little goodies that a friend here brought me back from South Africa earlier this month. A shopping day this week will determine what the rest of our gifts will be. :)

Now we are headed to spend Christmas with Matt and Chrissy, their boys, and her parents. Later this week we will head North to celebrate with the rest of Mike's family. I take comfort in knowing that my parents are having Christmas lunch with Juan, and that Juan will be with people all day. 

Everything feels different this year. I'm just glad we had a few traditions to hold onto while we start to make new ones here in Indiana.

Merry Christmas from our unfinished house to your hopefully finished one. :) 

Negative ten degrees!

 

At sunset last night, it was still in the low 40's. It was down in the low teens by the time I went to bed and snowing.

This morning when I woke up, it was -10 degrees, there was frost on the inside of some of the windows, and a blanket of snow covered the ground. 

Sure made me thankful for THIS:

and warm blankets, warm socks, and warm sweaters.

And thankful for a day for everyone to stay home and stay inside, eat warm comfort food, watch Christmas movies, and play games. 

And chase birds out of the house after they found ways to get in the unfinished parts of the house. Boots sure was excited about having new friends! LOL. 

A date etched in stone

(I wrote this yesterday)

A year ago today, my father-in-law slipped into eternity. Almost a year later, the tombstone came in that now have the dates of his entire life etched in stone. The day he was born and the day he died. Dates already determined before the foundation of the world. None of us knows how long we have. 

Days like today make you think and ponder about life in general. You only get one life, and you have no idea how quickly it might be taken away. How are you spending your days, your time, your influence? Are you in a season of survival, of goal-setting/achieving, of experiencing your dreams, of pleasure-seeking, or of service and generosity to others? Do you think about how you will be remembered, if you left a legacy, or made a difference? Are you striving for things that really matter and will have an eternal impact? Or are we so focused on self and comfort that we missed our opportunities. 

I have several close friends deeply missing someone they loved this Christmas. A friend mourning the loss of both her husband and son within a year of each other. A friend grieving the loss of her best friend just a few years after the loss of her husband. A friend still processing the recent loss of her husband to cancer while now fighting for her own life against a different type of cancer. A friend tearfully celebrated what would have been her 38th anniversary to the love of her love and now faces her first Christmas without him. Another friend just lost her dad, another her mom. 

Then there are those of who moved away from close family and friends and feel a huge absence, like the way I struggle being so very far away from my son for his tenth Christmas as part of our family. And then others are watching a loved one hang on for life, like my friend is so unexpectedly experiencing with her son.

Days like today make me thankful for the chance to spend Christmas with David here, broken arms and all. It's been complicated, having to fly back to Texas to help him, stay as a guest in someone's house to be able to care for him, fly back to Indiana to aide him in daily living for two months, take him out of school, switch doctors temporarily, play the guessing game as to whether he'll be physically ready to care for himself again by the time school starts again, switch him back to doctors there, etc. But he's here, alive, and with injuries that will heal. We're together. 

We think so often about the people that have to readjust their bearings and find a way to move on without the one they loved. But days like today make you stop and ponder about the life of the ones who are no longer here. Their end date came, and then they were gone. Their time to influence others, to encourage others, and to make an eternal impact ran out. Friends and family mourned their loss, reflected on their impact, and carry their memories, but then they all had to readjust life and move on without them. 

Had they known, would they have lived any differently? Encouraged others more with their words? Made sure their time had purpose and that they established a legacy that would live beyond their time? This may sound morbid, but often when I hear of someone passing, I glance back at their last social media post and wonder--if they knew that was their last post, their last words to the world, their last chance to influence or encourage someone, is that what they would have chosen to say?

Days like today make you think a little differently. Make you realize the importance of being intentional with every opportunity that comes your way. Maybe because I'm just finishing up reading the New Testament and seeing how intentional Paul was with every word he wrote, especially when his life was threatened. Or maybe because I've got so many hurting friends right now. Or maybe because life looks and feels so different back here in Indiana without Mike's dad.