Missed expectations

Today hit a bit harder than most. Played with my emotions a little bit more, tugged on my heart strings a bit stronger. 

Earlier this week, they closed schools indefinitely till May, leaving just about two or three weeks till graduation--if we even go back at all. Yet we all have pretty much accepted the latter, that we likely won't go back.  Graduation is the question on everyone's mind--how does this affect our seniors? I will admit, I've been quite anxious to know what kind of plan they've even been able to come up with, considering the magnitude and uncertainty of the situation at hand. David's hope was for a drive-thru graduation so he can proudly drive the truck/rock crawler that he and his dad built together. Lol.

Well, Dallas County extended our Shelter-in-Place order this morning, and then the district almost immediately followed suit and officially closed schools (physical schooling) through the end of the year. No final days on campus with our students to close the year. No Senior field trips, prom, special days, etc. We finish the  year with at-home/e-learning, and that's it. The official graduation ceremony now has an alternative date set for mid-June (almost an entire month after the original date), and then another alternative date set for early July if June isn't possible.  Then later in the day, we got word that there'd been a mistake, and they switched things back to schools being closed indefinitely at least until May 4th, and that they'd reassess the situation then. But now we at least have alternative graduation dates set up, just in case. Truthfully, I still don't see us going back. 

I sat restless the rest of the day after getting the news about graduation. Suddenly the teacher side of this didn't matter to me. The parent side wanted to cry. This is truly the craziest year ever. I'm thankful my son isn't too attached to high school and had already begun to pull away earlier this year, dropping down to only three main classes so he could work more hours for the work-release program. He's really not that emotional about any of it, but I'm sure it still stings. I'm probably much more emotional about it all than he is. I mean, as a parent, you dream of (and dread) your child's high school graduation from the day they enter kindergarten. You never expect a global pandemic to mess with it!

On top of a graduation date now pending, his trip to Africa is likely (not officially) up in the air for now, as well. Who knows if it will be safe to travel even by July. All I know is that God has already provided almost 70% of his funding, so He's obviously prepared to send him somewhere, whether it's Africa this year or next, or somewhere else at a later time.

I find peace in the fact that he spent New Year's in Atlanta at the Passion Conference, literally praising God in song with 62,000 young adults as the clock struck midnight and 2020 began. In fact, we watched it all LIVE on our own television. It was incredible.Yes, God was preparing my son's heart for such an unpredictable year ahead, filled with many disappointments and loss over things we didn't ever think could be tampered with. 

The other day someone wrote about how their word for the year was PRAY, and they realized how fitting that was in the midst of these circumstances. I couldn't remember what my word was for this year, so I went back and checked.

RELEASE.

Wow. 

I see it in a whole new light now.

Here's another poem that God laid on my heart today. 

Release

I asked God for a word

To guide me through this year.

“Open up your grip,” He said,

“And release that child you hold so dear.”

Release his future to Me

Surrender every fear and what if

Release your need for control

Accept when expectations start to shift.

2020 turned the corner

And filled my eyes with tears.

As you celebrated in Atlanta

In worship with 62,000 peers.

A powerful way to begin

A  year with so much change ahead.

Graduation, Africa, and college

Were where my thoughts all led. 

Expectations indeed quickly shifted

With those milestones now hanging in midair,

Never could we have predicted

Living through a global pandemic this rare.

You likely won’t ever walk down

Those high school hallways again.

Even your graduation date

Is pending till who knows when.

God raised your funds to serve in Africa

Yet the whole trip now sits on the line

You’re accepted and ready for college,

This was your year to shine.

When God gave me the word release

I couldn’t begin to fathom why

That to launch you into the world

You’d need wings of faith to fly.

Faith that God’s not surprised 

Faith that this has always been His plan

Faith that you’re fully prepared

Because He won’t let go of your hand.

We never saw this coming

Yet now it stares us in the face.

We can grieve the loss of expectation

but we must search for daily grace. 

God is gonna use this

To strengthen your faith, my son.

You’ll look back and see His fingerprints,

When all is said and done.

You’ll see His purpose unfold

And you’ll realize that in this year

Through living in such uncertainty

He proved that He was near. 

Knowing full well I cannot protect you

From so many disappointments ahead

I surrender these missed expectations

And release you in faith as He said.