- I am a wife, daughter, mother, bilingual teacher, poet, author, women's Bible study teacher, world traveler, orphan advocate, and an adoptive mother. Our adoption journey has been filled with a lot of hurt and loss, along with even more hope, grace, and healing. Through it we have experienced more of God than we ever bargained for and have watched Him miraculously redeem our story when we surrendered all the broken pieces to Him.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Have you ever felt like change was just right around the corner, and whether you're ready or not, it's coming, anyway? Some days it leaves you feeling incredibly anxious, other days excited, while other days it leaves you feeling void of all emotion completely? I guess I've been going through all of that in the last few days. I went through it last year, too. It was only days before we left that we even knew we were going to be able to see Julian. I was so excited and yet scared to death, and then the final day or two before we left, I found myself completely numb. I didn't feel a thing. I guess that's where I am right now. I was so excited to get back to Colombia, yet nervous about attempting to arrange all of the details. What's interesting is that Mike and David are the ones that seem so eager to get there and confident that we're doing exactly what God has called us to do, and I'm the one that's getting more nervous every day. However, every little doubt or fear I've had, God has turned around and answered with precise clarity about dates, flights, pet arrangements, home and lawn care arrangements, extra supplies, specific contacts that needed to be made, provisions for Julian in the meantime, and especially with finances. Since we've taken on supporting Julian for absolutely everything he needs, we've learned what God has meant by moving beyond just giving your ten percent and giving sacrificially. We've learned what it means to give "until it hurts". Yet at the same time, we've learned how much we spend on things that we really don't need, and we've been able to teach our son about the realities of the orphans in this world who literally have nothing. As we've collected items from people at church to take to a missionary, we've been able to teach David about how God provides for the needs of those who are serving Him and living by faith rather than on their own understanding or logistics. We've also been able to show him how God blesses when you give. There are so many things I need to be teaching my son, but being able to teach him and show him firsthand that all we have is God's and that He will bless us in even greater ways when we give is the greatest lesson I can imagine teaching him right now. God has really shown us what He meant when he said in Malachi 3:10, "Test me in this...and see if I will not open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." God has more than provided for Julian's needs since he's been on his own, and He has more than provided for ours as we stepped out in faith to provide for him and now return to him. In fact, we've received so much to take to Colombia with us for the missionary renting a room out to him that we literally are running out of room.....
I hadn't a clue a year ago how our lives were going to change by a simple 15 day trip to Colombia. We've been blessed beyond measure, and we will never be the same. Yet I have this overwhelming feeling that this summer is going to be even more life-changing than last year. I know from experience that living abroad just changes you. Whether we're ready or not, it's coming. I've been fighting those same feelings of anxiety over the last week as I did a year ago, but today, rather than feeling so numb, I just felt at peace. Peace that everything is happening just as it should be, just as it was always planned, and that God will be with us to guide our every step. He's already there, way ahead of us. Rather than trying to anticipate what could be around the corner, rather than setting up expectations that may never come to be and leave us disappointed, my only expectation is to see God just be God and do things that only He can do. I'm ready to experience more of Him than I ever have before.
We will be arriving in Bogota very late on Tuesday evening. The school is sending a van to pick us up at the airport and take us to our apartment, where Julian will already be waiting for us. The tears just well up in my eyes as I think about what a reunion that will be. His words that he typed to me many months ago keep ringing in my ears, "What would have become of me if God had never given me you?" Yet the truth is, the question is reciprocal. "What would have become of us if God had never given us you?"
So much awaits us, just at the tip of South America. We can hardly wait to get there. Just a few more last minute details, a few more phonecalls, a few more arrangements, and we'll be on our way.