Just hurry!

"I went inside the house to let the dogs in, but I didn't have time to look for the paper plates they asked us to bring."

"Don't worry about that. Just hurry!" Mike spoke a bit more urgently than normal. We were under a tornado watch, and I knew the storm was headed our way.

My mom, sister-in-law,Ang, and I had just left Painting with a Twist, where we'd spent the last few hours together for my mom's birthday creating our "masterpieces" to hang in our homes.

The session ran an extra hour over the predicted time, so we ran out in a hurry and stopped at my house to get my car. With the storm headed our way, we didn't know if we should seek safety inside my house or head out to my brother's house to join the rest of the family. Apparently the radar showed his home to be in a safer location, so I hopped in my car and followed my mom and Ang there as quickly as possible.

It was already dark, so I just prayed the whole way there. "Just get us there safely, God."

I got stuck a bit behind them, which made me get to my brother's house last. The tornado sirens went off all around us even there.  My sister-in-law cleared out a closet for us to seek shelter, but we never actually did. We all sat around the table eating dinner while the tornado touched down a few minutes away from my own house, completely destroying about everything within its four mile path.

After we ate, I saw the news all over Facebook.

So many homes destroyed, some completely leveled. Pets missing. People finding lost, scared animals all over the place. Cars were picked up and tossed over the overpass onto the road below, some a mangled mess.

An old co-worker posted that the tornado hit and destroyed her house, but she was okay. We didn't hear from her again after that for two days.

Photos from Fox4News

Nothing like a huge tornado ripping through your town on the day after Christmas to put life back into proper perspective. Suddenly people stopped posting Christmas pics with all their new toys and instead started asking, "Are you okay? Was your house hit? How can I help?"

I woke up the next morning with a deeper sense of gratitude. Grateful for a home to wake up in. Grateful my dogs and cats were safe and secure at home rather than roaming around scared and lost on a cold, rainy day. Grateful for warm clothes and a warm fire in the fireplace. Grateful for my family's presence and safety. Grateful for all of the belongings that I take for granted.

Most of all, grateful for life. I read today about the victims who lost their lives when the tornado lifted their cars from the overpass. A few of them were on the phone while unknowingly driving into the eye of the storm. One of them heard the words, "Just hurry!"

Just like I did when I left my house to drive to my brother's house, knowing a tornado approached, yet not knowing exactly where.

It could have been me.

My heart hurts for the family of the one who heard the words, "Just hurry!", but didn't ever make it home.

Excerpts of Christmas poetry

I woke up this morning thinking about some poetry that I've written throughout our long adoption story. They will both be published soon within the book, Painful Waiting, so I am only sharing excerpts of each poem. May they touch your heart today as you think about the children who didn't get to celebrate Christmas with their family.

Christmas as an Orphan 

(Written to Julian in 2011)

Now that Christmas has arrived again,

The gifts have all been given,

We enjoy a quiet peace,

Reflecting on our Gift from heaven.

I enjoy a morning cup of coffee,

My husband reads beside the fire,

My son still slumbers in his bed,

The dogs have once again retired.

There is a warm and cozy feeling,

The kind only a family can bring.

Makes me wonder what it’s like for you

Spending Christmas in an orphanage.

Is there a warm and cozy feeling,

In your home of twenty-seven boys?

Do you feel loved and cherished,

Is your home filled with all new toys?

I can only imagine the longing

Tucked deep inside your heart,

Wishing you’d spent Christmas with our family

Rather than over a thousand miles apart?

An Orphan No More

(Written to Juan David in 2013)

Everything changed for all of us

I still can hardly believe it’s true.

For the first time in years,

I didn’t spend Christmas missing you.

We sat side by side in church,

Sang carols by candlelight.

So grateful I was to watch you

Open our gifts to you that night.

I find myself always watching now,

like I’m on the outside looking in.

Observing every little thing you do,

studying your every reaction.

What has meant the most to you

Your very first Christmas here?

What goes through your mind

When you no longer see an orphan in the mirror?

How did it feel to see your name

Written on those gifts beneath the tree,

Knowing you’re no longer one of the many,

Now you’re just part of our family?

El Shaddai

Here is story #7, El Shaddai. I love looking back at stories like these now that I've seen how God answered. It brings one of my recent memory verses to mind:

Psalm 143:5--I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.

https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2015/12/19/el-shaddai-the-all-sufficient-one-the-lord-god-almighty-rachelle-alspaugh/

Growing up :(

I keep trying to hold on to time, but it continues to slip right by me.

David transformed from a little boy to a tall, thin, handsome young man right before my eyes. He gets a kick out of the fact that I now have to "look up" to him. I don't think it's funny. (Grrrr.) The sweet confidence he always had in himself has turned into that awkward middle-school dance between over-the-top-arrogance and extreme sensitivity. Every word seems to turn into drama around here. Sigh. Wishing he could have stayed a little boy just a little longer. Even Christmas shopping is hard because he's changed so much in so little time. I can't believe we're looking at high schools already for next year.

Juan David turned eighteen and changed in his own ways, too. His whole attitude has stepped up a few notches, and he's looking more towards the future rather than the present. He said, "I know it's time to grow up, but I don't want to. I like my life!" But at the same time, he started to get serious about grades, responsibility, and wanting to prove he is ready to take a few new steps toward independence now.

In the last few months, he got his driver's permit, finished his driver's ed. course, survived his first job interview, and now passed his driver's test this week.

I know he's eighteen and quite a bit past the age to drive, but we very purposefully held off on the whole driving and working thing for as long as we could.  Here's why:

My son experienced independence and freedom far too early in life. Children are supposed to grow up with a healthy dependence upon their parent, knowing they will come to their aid and provide for their needs. When those needs are met, they develop a sense of safety and security, and they very naturally attach to their parent. That didn't exactly happen for him the way it's supposed to, so he learned early on how to take care of himself, making sure he'd be okay even if no one met his needs.

By the time he came home to us at the age of fifteen, he felt more than ready to embrace the freedom, the privileges, and the independence that most teenagers are learning to manage at his age. Yet by giving him those freedoms he so desperately wanted, we would have set our family up for disaster.

He needed to learn that we, his parents, would take care of his needs. He needed to learn familial roles before getting to go out with friends. As much as being a taxi-mom wears me out, he needed to learn that we are there to take him where he needs to go and to pick him up when it's time to go home. We make the meals, manage the finances, buy clothes, shoes, and school supplies, transport everyone all over town, schedule doctor's appointments, attend church together, communicate with his teachers, and show up for every soccer game we can possibly make it to.

Had we given in to the begging to "be like everyone else his age", we would have missed the opportunity to bond and to attach by meeting many needs he thought he could meet on his own. Whether we tell him this or not, he had a lot of catching up to do emotionally, so meeting those basic needs gave us some time to fill in a few developmental and emotional gaps.

Yet now I'm torn. I know my time with him at home is limited. I know our car rides to school together are limited. I know my control of his schedule is limited, too.  Yet while I want to hold him close just a little bit longer, I also have the responsibility to loosen the rope and guide him toward independence. I need to give him chances to earn and manage money so he can make mistakes and learn from them while still young. I need to let him learn the responsibilities that come with being a driver so he's prepared for the challenges and expenses that come with them. I need to give him that time away with friends so he can practice making choices away from us while we're still close enough to guide him.

I hate that we didn't get him until so late in life because of all the time we missed. But then I look in his eyes and remember what a gift he is, a gift we once thought we lost forever. Better late than never. I'll take what little time God gave us. I just hope and pray we don't waste a minute of that time or let it slip by without making the most of it.

Jehovah Shammah, the Lord is there

Here is the next story on another name of God: Jehovah Shammah.

https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2015/12/12/jehovah-shammah-by-rachelle-alspaugh/

Thanks for reading!

My hope as an author

"If it touches just one person or changes just one life, it's worth it."

Some people's books make it big. They find the right agent, land the right contract, make the right connections, and consistently find ways to grow their platform. Whether you're traditionally published or self-published, it's still a lot of work to get your book and your name out there. 

Personally, it's the part I like the least about writing. I know it's my responsibility as an author, so I am slowly, but surely, growing my platform and my audience. Since I work full-time, I don't devote near as much time to it as I should, though. 

I'm one of those authors that puts her work out there and hopes that maybe it will touch at least one heart. If it does, I'm content. My greatest desire is for people to read my work and draw closer to Christ because of it. If she (or he) ends up with a more intimate relationship with Christ, then the ripple effect will continue into every life she touches. Sometimes I feel like the little boy with the loaves and fishes, handing his lunch over to Jesus innocently and saying, "Use it however you see fit."

I don't watch the numbers or the sales because thankfully, since I work full-time in another profession, I don't need to depend on those sales or numbers. I try not to pay attention to how many "likes" I get or how many followers I have. To know it changed a life is all that matters to me.

Comments like these are the ones that make my day and keep my writing:

"I went out and bought The Power of a Praying Wife as soon as I finished your book." (Unexpected Tears reader, actually several readers)

"I haven't been to church in years, but reading your book made me think about going back now." (Unexpected Tears reader)

"Your poetry really ministers to me." (Unexpected Tears book blog reader)

"I am so glad I read this story. I now have hope for my marriage. Thank you for your authenticity." (Jehovah Rapha reader)

"I finished your book and immediately purchased Praying God's Word." (She just finished editing the second book, which isn't out yet.)

I am eternally grateful when I get messages like these. I am getting excited now as the production for my second book continues to progress. (First round of edits done and corrected and the cover is done now, too! She said possibly a few more months.)

Thank you if you shared any of these comments with me.

Adonai

Here is story #5 on the names of God.

https://communitymoms.wordpress.com/2015/12/05/adonai/

May it encourage you today if things aren't exactly going as planned.