Headed back to Colombia

This has been quite a year. We had no clue what all awaited us over the coming year as we returned home from Colombia in mid-June of last year. All we knew was that we had a new son that we were now responsible for somehow and that we had a story to tell. What only God knew was that there was a book on the horizon that would be our platform to tell that story and that our new son's needs would be much greater than we imagined or could handle on our own strength and resources. Talk about life just completely changing! Wow. We've learned the meaning of the verse that states that we need not worry about tomorrow because today has enough trouble of its own. Let tomorrow worry about itself. I have truly had to let go of any and all of our own plans and just let God guide us through each day, providing all we need precisely when we need it. Not before and not after.

This week I came down pretty hard on Julian regarding money, and I actually ended up really hurting him. Then God hit me over the head and reminded me that He is the one providing the money for Julian to live right now, not us or our "budget". I had looked at the numbers at what it was costing him to live, and I panicked because it was not in my proposed budget of what we could do to help him. Then I opened up my study on Experiencing God and read, "I wonder whether God ever tests our faith as He did Philip's. Does He say, "Feed the multitudes (care for the orphan)and we respond, "Our budget can't do it." Ouch. That hurt. I immediately confessed my lack of faith that God would continue to provide, I apologized to Julian for having been so hard on him, and the very next day God blessed us with airline tickets for our return to Colombia this summer that had dropped nearly $200 in price for the first time in months. That saved almost $600! Once again I was reminded of how much we miss of God's activity when we try to operate on our own logic, reasoning, and numbers.

So, I'm just going to back off from trying to control this whole situation and once again allow God to work in His own way to show that when He gives a God-sized assignment, it will be something that only He can do. He knows we can't do it on our own strength and resources, and that's the whole point. We were never meant to.

We will be returning to Colombia on June 5th to work at a school called El Camino Academy. I will be teaching intensive English in their summer school program, and Mike will be working in and around the school on different physical projects. David will join both of us in various capacities depending on what's going on each day. This will also give us another 30 days to spend with Julian. God may have completely different plans for us once we get there, but we will just wait and see what He has planned for us. Our trip is going to cost about $3,000, which includes the airline tickets, a furnished apartment, and daily food and travel. If you would like to give toward our trip, just go to this link https://www.lakepointe.org/Give/Default.aspx, click on the location to give to a mission trip, and find our names towards the bottom of the list. Our Lifegroup has expressed a desire to help with Julian's daily expenses right now, and we found this to be a way to do so in a tax deductible way because any part of our trip that is covered frees us to be able to help him more right now.

Thanks.

Another day, another game

Started out looking good on the field
....until an ankle got caught between another player's legs. Ouch!

Nothing an ice pack, a cute dog, and a sweet little boy couldn't cure. :)

After a little loving from the little dog and comforting from the little boy, he jumped back into the game and scored a goal. :)

Never Once - Matt Redman - Lyrics

Every time we sing this song at church, I remember our experience on the mountaintop.  Today when it came on the radio, I told David this song goes right with my book.  However, I stand corrected, because he then said that he's getting frustrated hearing me say "my book".  He said, "It's not YOUR book.  It's OUR story that we have to offer.  We ALL went through it."  So, enjoy this beautiful song that expresses our journey, OUR story.

My request

Lots and lots of you have been telling me over the last few days that you finished reading my book. I appreciate all of your kind comments, which have really encouraged me. However, if you would please do me the favor of going to Amazon.com or westbowpress.com and leaving a short review (anonymously), I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!!!!!!

Under the Bridge

Sounds like David is having an amazing time in Waco. The kids have been busier than ever cleaning, clearing lots, helping out, and serving at different ministry locations. It sounds like a life-changing experience, one that will impact his thinking and his perspective on life in very deep ways. I am so glad that he had the opportunity, and the support, to go. This morning they are up and getting ready to head to church outside where they will be attending Church Under the Bridge, which is a church that literally meets under a bridge so it can reach anyone and everyone, regardless of their race, income level, economic situation, or home situation. If you want to see how they've been doing and catch some pictures of their ministry in action, check out this blog that their leader so graciously (and passionately) has taken the time to write.

http://lpfirewheel-surge.blogspot.com

Why I blog

I'm so thankful for the lady in my Lifegroup back in Rockwall who suggested years ago that I start a blog to let others know more about the specifics of our adoption process. I had no idea how to even start a blog at the time, but one summer morning while David was swimming with friends, I played around on the computer for several hours, and, by the end of the morning, POOF, I had a blog. Little did I know that only a few short weeks later, my heart would be captured and our lives would be turned upside down by two precious Colombian children who became the center focus of that blog for the following two years.

That blog was so good for me in so many ways. First, it helped me to stop keeping my life such a secret from everyone. I have a tendency to just keep my thoughts and feelings completely to myself. However, being the writer that I am, having a blog not only helped me share about our lives and our process, but it helped me share the contents of my heart in a way that I'd never done in such a public way before. Slowly, but surely, the introvert in me was coming out, and, for the first time, I felt "known".

As the process went on and life got confusing and hard, my blog became my outlet. It was there that I shared what was going on inside, emotionally. Yes, it was supposed to be about our family's journey, so it included lots of soccer stuff and our traveling adventures, but many times it became solely about me. There were times in the process that we all just kept to ourselves, trying to process what was going on, so I couldn't really speak for anyone else but myself.

When the adoption crumbled and we were left with nothing but an empty home and empty hearts, I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and erase the day that I started that blog. That blog made the fall harder than ever because it was all so public. Everyone knew. However, now that God had me write a book about the whole experience, I couldn't be more thankful for having written that blog. Every detail, every penny, every up and down, every emotion--it was all documented, in order, with dates attached. There was no way I could have rewritten our story had I not had it all documented on that blog.

That blog had one main purpose, to share the events of our adoption journey, but obviously it served for many other purposes, as well. However, that journey is over, and we are on a new one now. There are things in your life that change you, then there are moments in life that define you. I believe our adoption journey/experience is one that not only changed us, but it redefined us and our purpose in life. That is why I closed that blog and started a new one (besides the fact that it shared way too much information about two children that I cannot claim as my own). It is not an attempt to gain followers or attract an audience for my book. It is not all about the book or an attempt at marketing it. The book is a chronological retelling of the events that led us to where we are in life now, the experiences that led us to the present journey we're now on. This blog now is a way for others, yes, maybe those who don't know me but have read the book, to continue to follow our journey into the heart and life of one particular orphan (who represents at least 15 million more around the world). It is a place to share the people and the family that we became over the course of our adoption process. It was kindly suggested to me to maybe shrink back a little bit on the religion/spirituality in this blog in order to not narrow my audience. I thought long and hard over that, but I realized that to take out the depth of the relationship with God that we gained in this journey would be to discredit the whole purpose of this blog. Our experience, as I said, changed us and redefined us. This blog is to continue to share our journey and to reflect the people and the family that we became through the experiences that God led us through.

Anyway, this post has been on my heart for awhile, but I just couldn't find the words to express it. I sat down to make a phone call to Colombia this morning, but I kept getting a busy signal. So I opened up my blog while I was waiting to get through, and finally the words just came..... I hope they make sense.

Quiet

It's definitely a quiet house here today. Miss the little guy, but I sure don't mind a nice morning of peace and solitude. Plus Mike reminded me to think about the fact that David is likely having a very life changing experience right now. :) I sat out on the back porch with the dogs for awhile, did a little cleaning, continued a little bit of this "self-marketing" business, and now I'm sitting out on my front porch enjoying the beautiful breeze, listening to the birds chirp, and watching my tree bloom into all these beautiful little white flowers. It's usually in full bloom on the first day of spring EVERY YEAR, but maybe the warm winter has gotten it confused, because it's almost in full bloom today.

David has been giddy and excited about his trip all week, until yesterday morning when he woke up and couldn't believe it was finally here! All day he kept asking, "Are you gonna miss me, Mommy? What will you do without me here? Are you going to hate me for going away and leaving you?" I think it shows that he's pretty confident about his place and his role in our home--he knows that when he's missing, his absence is quite noticeable. It got me to thinking about my other "child" down in Colombia. I can't ever see things from just one perspective, anymore. Everything we see and experience makes me think of him. Sadly, he never had that confidence about his role in a family. Growing up in an orphanage, he watched people come and go all the time, even his own siblings. He was taught that life just goes on. There is no time to spend missing them, nor is there time to grieve their loss. That's just how life is sometimes, and we just keep moving. Now that he's on his own, does he often wonder if he's even missed? It makes me wonder just how differently his entire "psyche" and view of the world is different due to not ever growing up with that confidence that he has a special place and a special role in a family, a confidence that when he's not there, his absence is greatly noted. I'm so grateful that my little boy knows how loved and cherished he is, but it makes my heart hurt for the millions and millions of children who don't ever get the chance to taste that confidence.