My word for 2024--PRESENT

This year's word came to me pretty quickly after I asked God to guide me to it. In fact, I think it's a word He's been hinting at for several months now. 

While studying through a Christmas devotional, last year's word, satisfy, stood out to me in one of the day's readings (as my word of the year often does). It reminded me that true satisfaction can only come in God's presence, when I'm fully present in my time with Him and when I don't take for granted that He's fully present with me. 

Then I read a writing tip from a writing mentor of mind that simply suggested to be fully present in all the holiday gatherings and conversations with people I don't often see. Rather than showing up with my own agenda, my own questions, or my own stories, I can simply listen and be inspired by what they may want to share. I am totally guilty of having selective hearing, thinking about something else while someone is talking to me, or asking a question and then not truly listening for the answer. This year my goal is to just be present in the moment. Present enough to enjoy it, to appreciate it, to feel it, to truly live it. 

I find my brain quite a bit scattered at times. Distracted with things to do. Clinging to or reminiscing a past season that already ended or working hard to connect all the dots to create a future season before its appointed time. And then somehow I missed the present moment, the present circumstance that I'm living, the good works prepared in advance for me to do--right now. The today that I one day prayed about for tomorrow. 

I'm a highly sensitive person, which I'm learning means I take in too much information at a time and have a hard time processing it all. Overstimulating environments are a struggle for me, so I need quiet time and space to process events and sort them out in my mind. Precisely why I blog and journal. It also makes sense why a coffee date with a single friend is such a gift to me or why I have pursued training to be a counselor. But even in those safer, quieter environments, I still need to be reminded to be present. 

Fully present in the present moment. Not distracted, thinking about the past or the future. But taking in everything I can about the present. In fact, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, the word present is defined as: the period of time that is happening now, not the past or the future.

Present in the presence of my family. My students. My coffee dates with friends. Present in the conversation I'm having with whoever is in front of me rather than thinking about what I'm going to say or what I need to do when we finish talking. Only when I'm fully present can I fully listen and fully learn. 

Most importantly, fully present in the presence of Christ. How many times do I wake up in the morning, open my Bible or journal, and then find myself apologizing to God for my distracted mind? Already thinking about all I need to do that day rather than just soaking up those first few minutes of the day with the One who already knows how my day is going to go. It's usually in those moments where I'm fully present that I seem to find clearer answers to my prayers and clearer guidance in a situation. 

Reflecting over my word for 2023

Last year was my eleventh year to ask God to give me a single word to focus on during the year. I started in 2013, the year I brought home my second son. Here are the words God gave me for that year and then for ten consecutive years after that: 

2013-Trust (While trying to finally complete Juan's adoption successfully.)

2014-Live (Learning to embrace life with a new son)

2015-Give (Wanting to give back or pay it forward for all that had been given to us through Juan's 5 year adoption process)

2016-Joy (Spelled GRATITUDE)

2017-Focus (Pulled back from everything but the essential to give God room to be God)

2018-Cherish (So many precious, priceless memories to hold close to my heart)

2019-Shine (Spending time with Jesus should make his love shine through us)

2020-Release (Let go of expectations and experience God in new ways)

2021-Receive (After releasing my expectations, I was in a better position to receive new blessings)

2022-Peace (Life may get hectic, complicated, and uncomfortable, but Peace is a Person who is always there.)

2023--Satisfy (Click on the link to read last year's post on this word.)

We sang this song in church many times over the last year, and every time it reminded me of the word God gave me for the year. Not only did it remind me that nothing in life can satisfy me except for my relationship with Christ, but it also reminded me to not rush through my time with Him and leave that sacred time and space still unsatisfied. 

This year's word will definitely follow me into the new year, and I hope it always stays on the forefront of my mind. As I went through training in Biblical counseling over the last year, I realized that every sin or struggle with strongholds in life always points back to the heart. When my heart isn't passionately pursuing and loving Jesus, my focus will be on myself, and I will never be satisfied. I'll always come up short, always hungering for more. I'll never have enough, and nothing will fulfill me. I don't want to be that person that's like a jar with holes in it that can never fill up, no matter how much is poured in. 

I'm learning to be content with where I am even though it's not yet where I want to be, but I will continue to seek my satisfaction in Christ's presence, knowing that He will satisfy my heart--not despite my present circumstances but because of whatever present circumstance He has me in. Which leads me to my next word for 2024.....

30 days of Gratitude

I love the treasures tucked in to the month of November, especially the focus on gratitude that comes with  the Thanksgiving holiday. It's definitely been another unique year in my life, so I can't let the month slip away without listing something I've been thankful for each day this month. We've been making a gratitude chain at school for several weeks in fall and Christmas colors, and now we're ready to hang it up as a decoration in the classroom in preparation for Christmas. Here are a few of the things I put on my chain links, plus more:

1. A cozy, wood-burning stove in my living room that creates a warm fire to sit by every night.
2. Being able to decorate for Christmas this year
3. Christmas decorations that hold memories of special people and memories of Christmases past
4. A great team to work with to change the lives of children in need
5. A job where everyone feels like family
6. Several students choosing to receive Christ as their Savior this year
7. A great church where Mike and I can serve and grow
8. A wonderful small group to do life together with
9. Bible study friends
10. A thriving women's ministry at my church
11. The opportunity to be on the women's ministry team
12. Biblical counseling training
13. A Biblical counseling team to be part of
14. A quick trip to Texas for a Biblical counseling conference
15. An Alspaugh family vacation in Michigan with both my boys
16. A road trip to Pennsylvania with David
17. A new little deck in front of my house
18. Wonderful Christian neighbors
19. Finding new connections to the Spanish-speaking world here in Columbus
20. A growing circle of good friends here in Columbus
21. A summer with David
22. Experiencing a full cycle of seasons
23. Walking nearly 400 miles on a quiet, country road this year
24. Close relationships with family we've always lived so far away from
25. Time with both of my brothers this summer
26. An after Thanksgiving visit with a treasured friend
27. Watching two sweet friends get married this year
28. A working stove and oven to cook with
29. A son with two working arms to help his dad on the house this summer
30. Lots of land with lots of future potential

A treasured friend

There are friends, and then there are friends who are like family. 

Friends who have walked life together with you through several seasons, friends who have seen your ups and downs, who know your kids, your spouse, your hopes and dreams, and even your fears and your disappointments. Friends who you've traveled with, "co-hosted" a young lady from Mexico with, shared your home with, and gone to church with. Friends who have mentored and counseled you without ever saying so. 

Friends you can pick up with right where you left off as if no time or distance ever separated you. Friends who lift you up and fill you up in just the right way at just the right time.

I've grown a pretty nice circle of friends all around me here in Indiana over the last year, friends that I am deeply grateful to have in my life and am excited to grow with. But that whole part about being known takes time, and sometimes those are the types of friends that I really miss here in Indiana. Telling your story can only go so far in a new friendship and can never replace the people that lived the story with you. 

Several years ago, God called one of my dearest friends (and neighbors) in Texas to move to Hawaii with her husband and the grandchildren they are raising. I had high hopes (still do) of traveling to Maui to see them, but financially that hasn't been a realistic dream for us just yet. 

Who knew that a few years later, God would move me to Indiana, about two hours away from where she visits her dad in Kentucky every November. She followed my move, looked up my location, realized the proximity, and reached out to me. Now we started a new tradition to meet up halfway between my house and her dad's house the weekend after Thanksgiving. This last weekend we met up for the second year in a row. 

What a treat and a true joy to be in the presence of such a dear friend, someone that really knows me, knows my kids, knows my story (stories). And I know hers', too.  Almost 20 years of friendship built between us have formed a beautiful bond that I'll never take for granted.

Who knew that nearly 20 years after we met on that first mission trip (first of several trips) to Mexico that she'd be making a yearly trip from Hawaii to Kentucky and meeting up for breakfast at Cracker Barrel with me in Scottsburg, Indiana. All I can say is that breakfast filled me up just as much spiritually and emotionally as it did physically. So deeply grateful for such a friend.

 2023--A breakfast I wished would never end 

And here were were in 2022, accompanied by the boy with two broken arms 

(she was and still is our favorite nurse down the road who always took care of us)

Thanksgiving with the Alspaugh's 2023

Happy Thanksgiving! It's still early in the morning on this cold Indiana day, and unlike most of the country, I'm not up cooking, cleaning, or preparing for a big meal today. I'm looking forward to a restful day at home with my husband, who is looking forward to watching the Cowboys play this afternoon. We celebrated Thanksgiving over the weekend with all of Mike's family and have been eating leftovers for several days from our big meal. We're a bit "turkeyed out" now, so I'm thinking pizza sounds good! LOL.

I am super thankful today to know that my boys are spending the day together, along with their grandparents, cousins, and uncle. This is my first Thanksgiving apart from both boys, since David ended up here last year. But knowing they are together today warms my heart.

Here are some pics of our time together with the Alspaugh clan over the weekend. We've spent very few Thanksgivings together since we moved to Texas, so I'm thankful we get to make these memories with them now. 

Playing dominoes with Jaxon and Reese. 

We didn't waste any time jumping into a game as soon as they got here! 

I love that they look forward to playing games when they come here. 

Mike finally got to smoke a turkey for his family for Thanksgiving. It sure was good! 

Jaxon and I had a really fun time crafting together, too. :) 

I sure have grown to love that kid. 

He's grown up a lot over the last year and is a delight to hang out with. 

He loved playing Jenga and proved he's a risk-taker!

Reese is definitely a pre-teen and needed her chill time on her phone. 

That girl has a really special place in my heart. 

A "snack" lunch before the big meal.

That lego table sure does come in handy when there are kids around.

Finally time to eat!

With way more food than we needed

Summer sausage with crackers, banana bread, chex mix, shrimp, broccoli salad

Turkey, ham, macaroni and cheese, pumpkin pie, dirt pudding

Mashed potatoes, Green beens, Green bean casserole, Cornbread dressing

Corn casserole, sweet potatoes with brown sugar butter, baked beans, biscuits with butter and jelly. 

So.Much.Food. 

But so, so good. 

Mike and I ate leftovers for four days straight and still have some corn casserole in the fridge and leftover turkey in the freezer. 

Then we took a little visit out to the pasture to see the newest horse. She's a beauty!

Then back home to hang out and play some more games. 

Jaxon had the best idea and was the smartest to just give in and go to sleep. Lol. The next morning, we all went to church together, filling the entire row with Alspaugh's, before we all went our separate ways to finish out our individual weekend plans or responsibilities. They all have more Thanksgivings with more family today, but I'm good with pizza and a day to rest. Especially since this break from work is only two days compared to the whole week of vacation I'd gotten accustomed to in Texas. 

The day your life began

Another day to celebrate, another day to thank God for. The day God brought my precious David into the world and made me a mom. I have cherished every day with him since that day (or night, to be exact). And today I reminisce a lot of the unique, priceless memories we have made together. 

We truly have no idea how much God actually protects us from, but I'll never forget the surgeon's immediate apology upon delivering David because of the scratch he made on his shoulder. Nor will I ever forget his words when he said they could have easily lost both of us if I had kept on trying to push him out naturally. That night could have looked so different had God not intervened. 

A unique start. And many unique experiences followed. Born a Hoosier, raised a Texan. A bilingual mom determined to make him a bilingual child. A salvation decision in Mexico. A Spanish-immersion preschool. A failed adoption. A trip to Colombia to visit an orphanage and a young adult "brother". A month in Colombia doing mission work and fighting to prove ourselves worthy. A serious sickness in a remote clinic in the middle of nowhere in Colombia. Adopting an older brother, losing his birth position. 

Lots of mission trips either together or on his own with his youth group. California, Mexico, Colombia, Waco, Texas, Colorado, Los Angeles, etc. 

Soccer. More soccer. And then even more soccer. So many great memories made spending weekends on the soccer fields. 

Lots of bike rides. As a baby in the carrier on Mom's bike. As a kid riding beside Mom on the trails. As a teenager riding all over town and through neighborhoods. During his senior year when COVID shut down school and we had to get out of the house. 

Building trucks with Dad. Driving a rock-crawler to high school. Transforming a simple pick-up into a customized off-road vehicle. 

Watching his parents sell his childhood home and move away before he even finished college, right before his neediest moments in life since his infancy. So many one-of-a-kind experiences and memories. A one-of-a-kind child. Love him to pieces. 

My Beautiful Boy

So unique and so rare
Describe the memories I hold
Of the moments we shared
Since you were only minutes old.

A scratch on your shoulder
That accompanied your birth
Revealed God’s protection
And your incredible worth.

“You could have bled to death,
Both you and your baby boy.”
The surgeon’s words filled me
With so much gratitude and joy.

Had I kept on pushing
My uterus could have burst.
They could have lost us both
Had the surgeon not come first.

And so our life began
My precious baby boy and me
I cherished each moment
As I watched you smile with glee.

We spent our days outside
With a wagon or a bike,
Rocking in a hammock
Or reading all the books we liked

Then you tried a soccer ball
And we spent many days on end
Watching you play a sport
On soccer fields with soccer friends

Mexico, Colombia
And many other mission trips
You've travelled all over
Building unique relationships

A global pandemic
Interrupted your senior year
So we used all that time
Again riding bikes far and near.

From firstborn to youngest
You are my first, also my last
I barely even blinked
And eighteen years already passed!

College didn't take you
Too far from your family
Then God sent us away
To a more distant property

A fun ride with a friend
Led to your unexpected spill
Though so painful for you
I dearly treasure that time still

God's adventures for you
Turned you into a great young man
Today I celebrate
The blessed day your life began

Happy birthday, David Michael!

November 6--A Day to Celebrate!

Today's date will forever be my personal reminder that God is always in control, no matter how bleak our circumstances may look. Unbeknownst to me, while I walked the streets of Buenos Aires, Argentina as an international college student learning Spanish, my oldest son made his entrance into the world in Bogotá, Colombia on November 6, 1997. It took almost eleven years before I even knew he existed, and his shared November birthday with David immediately drew him to me. It's a day my heart cherishes and celebrates, though for three years of my life, it was a day that held deep sadness, regret, and grief. 

His twelfth birthday in 2009 changed everything, bringing incredible sadness to know they told Juan David that we wouldn't be adopting him after all. Sadness to accept that he wasn't the son I so wanted him to be. Regret that perhaps we just screwed up in our paperwork or that we hadn't done enough to fix it. Regret that we'd given a little boy hope that wasn't in our place to give. Grief that we'd blindly followed a path that only led to a dead end. Grief that I'd never be able to tell him again that I loved him or hear him tell me he loved me back. Grief has a way of making us rehash all those "lasts" that we shared with our loved one. November 6th marked my last phone call to him, the last gift I got to send him, the last time I told him I loved him, the last time I heard him say it back. 

A day I always looked forward to being able to celebrate his life. Until November 6, 2009 marked the last time I got to hear his voice before they stopped letting me call. So when the date came around in 2010 and 2011, I grieved all over again. 

But God, in His perfect timing, surprisingly reopened our case and allowed me to celebrate my boy over the phone in 2012, and then finally at home in 2013. And today we celebrate his life together for the 11th time as he turns 26 years old. And in 2018, we even added his baptism to things to celebrate on this day. :)

It is beyond me that we are miles apart again, that God only gave us nine short years together, but I know I can trust Him to take care of him and guide him because of the way He brought him to us in the first place. Just when we thought all hope was lost, God was working out every detail, including a surprise relationship with his older brother, who now lives in and walks the same streets I walked in Buenos Aires, Argentina the day his little brother was born, giving us a very sweet connection. God knew all along.....

I don't know why God chose me to be his second mom or why it had to be such a painful road to bring him home. But He did, and I'm forever grateful to call him my son. I hope I never take this day for granted or all the redemption that it represents.

A day I didn’t know about

The first ten years you were alive

A day I longed to celebrate

A day that I could watch you thrive.

Yet the day soon filled with sadness

As clouds began to fill the sky.

A day filled with celebration

Became the day that made me cry.

A day that marked a beginning

Now marked the ending to our dream

A day I didn’t know that God

Still planned to fully redeem. 

Your birthday always reminds me

Of our God’s mysterious ways

The way He chose to unite us

Deserves all the glory and praise.

Not only do I celebrate

This day that you started to live

But all that God chose to redeem

And all that He still planned to give.

A few days of celebrating

Halloween looked a bit different this year, with the boys in Texas and me and Mike here for his 47th birthday. Last year I missed his birthday because I was in Texas with David, so Matt and Chrissy did a good job celebrating him and his mom and other brother, Mark, came to visit that next weekend. 

Mike is a die-hard Cowboy's fan, but he's also been an Indianapolis Colts fan his entire life. So Juan got him two tickets to a Colts game for Father's Day/his birthday. Then David, Juan, and I all pitched in together to get him a Colts jersey to wear to the game. His brother, Matt, went to the game with him, and they had a great time! 

So Mike and I went out for breakfast/brunch on Saturday morning at a cute little diner he heard about. Then he went to the game on Sunday with Matt. We all went to Matt's house and had pizza, cake, and ice cream with Matt, Chrissy, and their boys on Monday after work. I made him a white cake with chocolate chips and butterscotch chips mixed in.

He also requested a banana bread cake (banana bread with vanilla icing on it) for his birthday, so I saved that one for just us since it was kind-of an experiment. We both ended up loving it, especially when microwaved for a few seconds before eating it. I asked if he wanted to go out for dinner on his birthday or invite some friends for dinner, and he said he just wanted to stay home and chill--so that's what we did. :) I made some chili in the crockpot to come home to on a cold day. We doubted we'd get trick-or-treaters out where we live, but we got some of our favorite candy just in case. We guessed right--that no trick-or-treaters came out our way, so now we're happily munching on that candy. :)

I have a childhood friend who didn't make it to their 47th birthday this year, reminding me that every birthday we get to celebrate with the people we love is a gift. All of our lives are books filled with chapters for every year we're given--but none of us knows how many chapters our book will have. What matters is that we use each chapter to love and be loved by God and those He puts in our lives. 

Next up is Juan David's 26th birthday in just two more days!