I'm writing this post more for me than for anyone else, so I am not really worried about length or keeping a reader's attention here. It's likely to be repetitive of the last few posts, as well. I want to have it as a post I can continue to look back on and remember how we got to where we are now. To remember how and why we suddenly switched gears and made such a huge change to in our lives and how we watched God reveal a picture to us one piece at a time. And I sure do love that feeling of putting that last piece in a puzzle that I've worked on for so long.
July 25--The day before we went back to work for the 2021/22 school year, I hopped on my bike and rode my normal ten mile ride to and from the nature trail, stopping to sit by a beautiful pond and fountain (as I often did) to reflect and talk to God. I dedicated the coming school year to Him and was determined to find a better balance between my workload and my health this year. Last year nearly killed me, so I already decided that I needed to set clear boundaries with how much I was willing to push myself to make sure my kids succeeded. There had to be a line that said, "That's enough. Focus your attention on something else now."
I sure was going to miss my morning bike rides to the nature trail. If I learned anything about myself during COVID over the last two years, it's that I absolutely love to be out in nature. Out on my porch listening to the birds sing. Sitting by a pond, creek, or stream reflecting or writing. Riding my bike at sunrise or sunset, breathing in the colors in the sky, taking notice of the variety of flowers blooming and each flower's unique beauty. Something about being outside makes me feel so much more alive and closer to my Creator.
July 30--I prepped my classroom for school to start on Monday and walked out the door to my car to enjoy my final weekend of summer, but I tripped on the sidewalk just a few feet from my car and fell hard onto my chest. I bruised a rib and couldn't bend down or even lay down for the next two weeks. I started the first day of school in a lot of pain and never did get to organize all the kids' school supplies or my classroom library that first week. (Sadly, I felt behind and disorganized the whole first semester after that.) I wasn't able to go for morning walks or early evening bike rides, either, for several weeks. So not the positive way I hoped to start out this new school year.
October--We went to Indiana during fall break for a long overdue "vacation" to see family. Mike's dad's dementia had progressed quickly, so he sadly didn't recognize us most of the time. Mike, his brother, and David worked hard on helping get some of the house/barn cleaned up, knowing his dad would likely end up in a home very soon and his mom would likely need to sell the house. I admired the way Mike and his brother worked so selflessly, and it was obvious that they worked very well as a team and actually enjoyed the work when they did it together. I will also admit that I even asked God if perhaps we were supposed to move back to Indiana to be more available to help his mom out.
Chrissy and I spent some good quality time together going for walks and talking on a much deeper level than we have in the past. Watching our husbands see their dad's memory decline so quickly gave us a lot to talk about, and we really seemed to connect in a whole new way.
October 21--I received an e-mail from my district with my new scorecard from the last year, the new way of evaluating teachers from year to year to see if they qualify for a "bonus". It doesn't affect your job or salary in any way, it's just supposed to be an extra incentive to "work harder". Bringing such an evaluation system in during a pandemic when not all students are in an ideal learning environment or where teachers have any control over their student's learning environments is not the best idea. Teachers will always strive for excellence, so honestly, it's just another way to beat them down rather than encourage and support them. Another way to make them feel like they're not doing enough. I met all the criteria except for the percentage of students meeting the expected growth, so I did not "qualify" for the extra money. Despite the fact that I worked harder and sacrificed more of myself that year than any year of my life. Last year's goal was SURVIVAL Honestly, we weren't given the tools or support necessary to help students make that growth, so I didn't really care. But it sure didn't settle well with me when I got that e-mail, reminding me that last year's efforts and sacrifices weren't good enough. Those kind of thoughts can be toxic. I began to think that maybe it's time to think about moving on to something else.
November 16--Mike had made arrangements to go to Indiana for a week or so over Christmas to help his mom out with a surgery related to her cancer. (His dad was already in a home by now and had gone back and forth between the home and hospital on several occasions.) But this particular night on our way to ReEngage, Mike mentioned that he was looking into taking FMLA to stay up to 3 weeks, and that he wanted to work with his brother with his business in the middle week. His brother had started his own handy-man business about a year or so ago in Columbus, IN and had mentioned several times how he'd love for Mike to partner with him. So Mike wanted to take that week to explore that possibility, saying he could make enough money working with him to cover the loss of income here.
I was not okay with him taking any unpaid time off, especially right after Christmas, nor was I okay with him thinking he needed to be gone for three whole weeks! We had a pretty heated discussion that night, ironically right in the parking lot at church. Mike is normally pretty passive, but he made it pretty clear that night that he had already arranged this and wanted my support. He needed to explore the idea of moving to Indiana to work in business with his brother, and he asked me to at least pray about it.
That same month, I found a new prayer journal online that I really liked, and when I ordered one for myself, I felt prompted to order one for Chrissy, too. I liked it because it combined all my journals into one, and she liked it because of the chronological Bible reading plan in the front, a part I hadn't even noticed.
December 5--I met with a close friend for dinner and opened my heart about my struggles with school this year and even about Mike's thoughts about moving to Indiana. We discussed what other things I might be able to look into for next year, like finding a teaching job where I could work with small groups. That thought really appealed to me, so now I had a goal to look for an open position like that. I made the decision that day that this would likely be my last year as a full classroom teacher.
December 11--Two weeks before Christmas, Mike's mom texted to say that his dad had COVID. She wouldn't be able to visit him for two weeks, and her surgery was scheduled only days after that.
December 20--Chrissy posted on Facebook that she was looking forward to doing a second year through the Bible Recap, a chronological reading of the Bible. I liked her post, and she sent me a message asking if I wanted to join her and a group of women from her church this year to do it again. I had never done anything like that, so I eagerly agreed. When I went to print out the reading plan, I noticed it followed the plan in the journal exactly!
December 21--We hadn't heard much on Mike's dad's status, so we thought he was doing okay through COVID. But then the hospital/nursing facility called Mike's mom to say that his dad's oxygen levels were very low and he likely would not make it through the night. His quarantine had not ended yet, so she couldn't even see him. We prayed for him to survive the night so she had a chance to say goodbye.
December 22-Mike's dad made it through the night, and after a LOT of struggle with the facility, his mom got permission to go in to see him and stay with him through the following night. He sadly passed away within a couple hours while she held his hand.
December 24-Juan and I made last minute arrangements to fly up to Indiana early on January 1 so we could attend the funeral on January 3, over a week away due to his mom having a major surgery scheduled.
December 25--Christmas morning. Mike and David flew to Indianapolis and then drove up to Warsaw with his brother, Matt, to his mom's house to help and support her with surgery, to work with his brother, and now also to have a funeral for their dad. They had all the details planned out ahead of time, but adding a funeral to those plans never crossed their minds.
December 28--My mother-in-law had a masectomy and did well, much better than expected. I'm sure having her sons and grandson there for support really helped, especially while processing the reality that she was now a widow.
December 31-Juan tested positive for COVID, and I had been exposed to him the first day he showed symptoms, so we had to cancel our flights for the next morning. We were not going to be able to make it to the funeral. I was devastated. But I focused my time and energy on taking the best care of my son that I could through closed doors.
January 1--I felt very confident that God gave me the word PEACE for the year 2022. My emotions were all over the place, so peace felt very far off. I worked hard to make my home feel as peaceful as possible while Mike and David were away. But peace is internal, and as much as I tried to add external peace, I still felt a mess inside. I hated not being there for my husband as they prepared for his dad's funeral and burial.
January 3--They had Mike's dad's funeral. I cried the whole way through because I couldn't be there. Chrissy sent me texts through the day to let me know how everyone was doing and to make me feel like I didn't miss everything completely.
January 4--Chrissy drove back home to Columbus with two of her boys while leaving the oldest to keep working with Matt, Mike, and David.
January 6--Chrissy decided to go to the library with her two littles and met a stranger who struck up a conversation with her. They worked for a children's home in Columbus called New Song Mission and randomly shared that they just lost their licensed teacher. Something about that news made Chrissy think of me and prompted her to call the director to get more information. She told me about the random meeting that night and sent me the information the next day. I looked at the salary offered and dismissed it immediately. Thanks, but no thanks. It was going to take a lot more than that to get me to consider leaving Texas to move to Columbus.
January 9--I decided that if Chrissy took the time to get me this information, I should at least have the courtesy to look it over. After reading through the website and job description more carefully and thoroughly, I wrote to Chrissy saying, "this seems like something my heart is interestingly longing for." A children's home located on 100 acres of natural landscape, and a job where the teacher expectations emphasized the spiritual before the academic. Expectations such as: Model a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
• Inspire students to have a personal faith in the Creator God and the Savior, Jesus Christ
• Disciple the students in Christian principles and living
• Integrate biblical principles and the Christian worldview throughout the curriculum and learning activities.
I agreed to pray about it.
January 22--Almost two weeks went by before I decided to send an e-mail to New Song to inquire more about this teacher position and to even see if it would be open for the following school year.
January 25--7:15 am. My friend Fran/publisher for a book I'm working on asked me to let her know how she could pray for me, and I wrote back saying that I could use prayer regarding the need to make a career change, but that I didn't even know what that might look like.
9:15 am--I got a response from Bob Schloss at New Song telling me they'd like to have a few candidates by March for the position for next school year. He asked if I had any "break" time to talk during a school day. My mind started trying to figure out logistically when and how I could do that because honestly, no, I couldn't make time for more than a five minute uninterrupted phone call during any given school day.
January 26--Chrissy said Matt wanted to pull away from a side job working occasionally with her brother, Jeremy, but that he told him he had a brother that looked and acted just like him with all the same skills who might be interested in working with him. This detail would give Mike the security of having enough income while he and his brother worked on building up Matt's business to support both of them full-time.
February 3--We had an ice storm, so I suddenly had opportune time in the middle of a school day to have a long phone call with Bob to learn all about New Song's mission and their open teacher position. I felt very inspired and drawn to the entire ministry. He immediately sent me an e-mail saying that I sounded like I could be a good fit and that he'd love to begin the interview process with me if I was serious about moving to Indiana. I said I'd need a couple weeks to think and pray about it and talk to a few people. I reached out to my Bible study friends to pray about it with me, though I didn't really give a lot of detail.
February 12-I sent the New Song website to ONE friend (the one I met with for dinner in December) and explained a little more backstory as to how it came about. I told her I was torn and asked for her to tell me her thoughts and to pray about it with me. She looked over the website and said that she could definitely see it as a good fit for my personality and skills. She agreed to pray with me about it as I continued to pursue it.
February 17-18--I talked with a counselor at church about this new direction, and he told me to take some focused time to pray about it. If this was from God, He would give me a real sense of peace. I was sick for two days with a stomach bug, so I took the time at home to pray specifically for direction. Two verses jumped out at me over those two days, the main one being from Psalm 23 about following God's leading to green pastures and still waters, realizing that New Song sits on 100 beautiful acres of land/nature with a pond of still water right outside the classroom. Being the writer and poet that I am, I've always been drawn to streams, ponds, and rivers for inspiration. (Look back at the first date on this timeline.....) Just thinking about working in such a natural environment day in and day out made me feel like I could breathe again.
February 24--I felt pulled to start the interview process with New Song, but I had parent conferences for two weeks straight and struggled to find a time to take a half day off to schedule the first interview. Then we had another ice storm and school cancelled again, so I connected with Bob to do a zoom interview that day. Bob seemed very encouraged with me and the specific skill set I could bring to the job.
Mike had already suggested we drive up to Indiana during spring break so I could see the school and continue the interview in person, knowing that I would not have peace about any of this without physically being on campus and meeting the staff and students. So when Bob suggested we continue the second interview over my spring break, I told him I might just be able to do so in person!
March 3--I talked to the same counselor at church about how things had progressed so far, and he agreed, that despite as fast as it came up, it really did sound like something God was calling me to. I said it sounded like a great opportunity, but it sure didn't fit my financial timeline with my son in college and getting my house paid off. He said, "Well, God's timeline is not always the same as our timeline."
March 10--We drove to Indiana the day before, slept at my brother-in-law's house, and arrived at New Song at 8:00 am. After meeting the directors and the students and observing a few things in action, I sat down at the main kitchen table in the house/school for a cup of coffee with Lisa, Bob's wife, for my second interview to go over how the school aspect runs. I felt a very real connection to Lisa and realized she's the kind of person I want to be around. Bob took Mike and David for a walk/tour around the campus, and then when both Bob and Lisa had to leave for appointments, Mike and David gave me a similar tour. Something about being on that campus gave me such a sense of peace and made me feel alive. I won't lie, working with vulnerable children is not and will not be an easy task. But it's a task I feel equipped for, and knowing that the staff works as a team to meet the needs of each child is encouraging. I'd work with possibly 8-10 kids in a small, family-like environment, all different ages. I can teach in English, and can teach Spanish as an elective. I can teach science in light of a Creator. I can help them connect with the Hispanic community to possibly reach more Hispanic students in the future. (So far they've had four Hispanic students out of 18 total over the last four years).
I loved Lisa's comment to me, that the ultimate goal is for the child to know Christ. No talk of a STAAR test, MAP growth, etc. To know Christ. And God seemed to be calling ME to this opportunity.
March 11- I went to a cute little coffee shop in Columbus to do a zoom interview with J.K. Stevens, their educational consultant. He is a Christian school administrator, and we talked about the vision for New Song over the next few years and their need for a teacher to guide them toward that vision (taking it from New Song Mission--a children's home with a school to New Song Leadership Academy--a residential, accredited school where vulnerable kids can grow and thrive by living in a Christian, family-like environment). Both of these interviews made me feel like I was talking with "my people". I felt like I could be 100% me and not try to impress anyone or put on a show. And just thinking about the opportunity gives me a whole new sense of purpose. I sent an e-mail to Bob as soon as I finished the interview with J.K. Stevens saying that I appreciated the opportunity to talk with him and that I could really envision myself working with everyone at New Song. He wrote back and said he also felt like I seemed to be a good fit and could be a blessing to both the students and staff alike.
March 12--We left Matt and Chrissy's house after a late breakfast/brunch, and decided to drive half-way home to Memphis and do a little "sight-seeing". While on the road, I e-mailed Bob from my phone with a couple more questions, and he e-mailed me back saying he had a couple more questions, as well. He asked if we could arrange a phone call that afternoon. We were on the road with spotty signal, so I told him we'd stop in Nashville, TN where I would have better signal. We stopped at a Home Depot in Nashville so Mike and David could walk around while I talked to Bob. After he asked me a few questions and answered mine, he then proceeded to tell me that he'd like to offer me the job at an even higher salary than he had originally said due to my experience and my Spanish-speaking skills. I felt a very real peace and accepted the offer!
That same afternoon, I got another e-mail from my district reminding me that I did not meet the qualifications last year for the "bonus" money at school, but that they would consider me for it next year based on my students' growth this year. Reminding me that last year's sacrifices to my health, my family, and my sanity were not enough. Reminding me that all the time I focused on my students' mental health last year didn't matter because it's not measured on their rubric. Reminding me that public school had changed so much over the last two years, turning it in to a sole focus on test scores over everything else--even in a global pandemic.
Children are more than a test score. Teachers are more than a set of test scores. Educating a whole child encompasses so many more areas than can be measured on a rubric. Especially in a pandemic.
March 27--New Song finally sent me an official offer of employment, and for some reason, I just kept myself busy all day and barely even took the time to read through it. I sat down later that evening to read through and ask a few more questions. I printed it out to take with me to work the next day to scan it to my e-mail. In a small moment of panic about the finality of this decision, I asked God to give me a verse that would put me at ease. Soon I heard the words "I will give you the desires of your heart." And I knew God gave me those words.
March 28--I woke up to an e-mail with all my new questions answered, the last of which asked what church they personally attended in the area. I printed the employment offer and took it to work with me so I could sign it, scan it, and send it back to my personal e-mail address. That night, I asked Mike again, "Are you in?" and "Are you sure?" He said, "I'm all in."
March 29--I sent my signed letter to New Song.
March 30--I got an e-mail with Bob's signature on the employment offer, saying "We're so excited to have you join our ministry at New Song Mission."
March 31--I looked up the church he said they attended and found a sermon of a time he spoke as a guest speaker to talk about New Song (listen here). Hearing again about the faith that New Song was built on, I felt so honored to be chosen by God to partner with this ministry.
It's time for a big change. It's time to move on. It's time to jump into something that my heart truly longs to be able to do--to teach and model Christ to everyone around me, especially my students--and to give Mike the opportunity to do something he has always dreamed of doing, as well.
It's all a bit overwhelming, scary, and exciting. But most of all, it bring me peace and makes me feel alive.
My counselor said, "It sounds like you're trying to give yourself permission to do what you've always wanted to do. It's time."
Each date on this timeline brings a different piece to this puzzle. A lot of pieces are still missing because God hasn't revealed them yet (like selling a house and buying a new one, or guiding Juan on some big decisions for living independently of us), but so far it seems to paint a pretty cool picture that I never could have imagined even six months ago. I just have to remind myself that this has all come about one step at a time, and God will continue to guide us in the same way, one step at a time.
Sharing it all with friends and family now seems to come as a shock to most, but at the same time, they all react with incredible support and excitement for us. I've already got friends from church envisioning a mission trip to New Song in the near future!
"I can see you riding your bike on those country roads and writing a lot."
"I can just see all the poetry coming out of you sitting at that picnic table in front of the pond."
Yes, my true friends know me well.
