Why yes?

As we started to drive away on Saturday, I finally had a chance to pull out my journal and start writing out my thoughts. Until I have a chance to write, all my thoughts just swirl around in my head like a jumbled mess. (Which is precisely why I avoid talking to people and most definitely don't call anyone). But writing truly does help me make sense of things or at least connect the dots. 

I decided to listen to my son and stop finding every reason NOT to do this and write out all the reasons why I SHOULD. I wrote at the top of the page, WHY YES. 

• I can work in full-time ministry as a teacher with the ultimate goal of leading children to Christ and teaching them how to live their life for him. (Honestly, I could probably stop right there. I mean, isn't that enough?)
• I can work for a mission organization built on FAITH.
• My classroom would overlook a beautiful pond of calm, still water.
• I could start and end my workdays (during my planning time) looking out over a quiet pond, an environment that feeds my soul. 
• I can teach Spanish in a fun, creative way, along with other electives I might enjoy or be knowledgeable in. 
• I can teach science in light of a Creator and right in the middle of 100 acres of nature.
• We can take field trips to enhance learning. 
• I can work with a small group rather than a class of 22 students and have one-on-one time to work with each of them. 
• I can teach creatively again.
• The focus is on the whole child, not just academics. When we meet the needs of the whole child, academics automatically improves. 
• We get to do activities together outside of the classroom schedule each week, getting to form a relationship with each child OUTSIDE of school. 
• There is a daily read-aloud time. I love doing read alouds, and I can read Christian series books that I used to read with David. 
• Students start the day with servant leadership/chapel.
• We're all one team working together to disciple and mold each child into a leader for the future. 
• I can use my knowledge, training, and experience working with kids from hard places. 
• Mike would be so much happier and more fulfilled.
• Mike would be closer to his mom and not feel so guilty about his brother having to carry most of that burden to help her.
• I have a really good, close relationship with Chrissy that has deepened spiritually over the last few months.
• Mike can help Matt take his business to a new level and keep him from having to turn away so much work. 
• Hearing comments like: "New Song needs you, Rachelle." "If you come to New Song, we'll be jumping up and down." "You would be such an answer to prayer." "I love your missional heart."
• I'd be joining God where He is already at work, calling people with just the right gifts to use at just the right time. 
• I'd have a chance to multiply my experience with and impact on Juan David and Julian by working with children from hard places.
• Though I completely shocked people when I brought up this possibility to them, they responded with overwhelming support and prayer.
• My own son told me, "The writing is on the wall, Mom. You just have to read it."
• I want to be around people just like Bob and Lisa, passionately and sacrificially following their calling.
• It's a chance to care for the widows and the orphans, the single moms and the fatherless.
• I'm NOT tapping into my ministry potential right now.
• It's a chance to think "maximum impact" with my time each day.
• Teaching board/card games is just one way they teach social skills there, and Mike and I have always been big at playing games as a couple and a family. 
• I'd be closer to my mother-in-law and have a chance to build a real relationship with her.
• I'd be closer to my sweet niece who I bonded with over a school project two years ago, who also just accepted Christ over the last year. 
• Mike could be part of his nephews' lives.
• The timing is right, with both my boys now adults.
• I get to be at the forefront of helping a ministry rise to the next level by narrowing their mission/vision and helping guide them move toward accreditation. 
• The whole year is not spent thinking about and prepping for a test. 
• I've come to realize that I can sacrifice everything, including my time, my health, my family, and my sanity in public school right now, and it still will not be considered enough. I will always fall short because of their new evaluation system. 
• Now I have a chance to teach with eternal purpose, to make an eternal impact.

I'm sure there are even more reasons, but that's the gist of what went through my mind that day. 

The Writing on the Wall

After a long 14 hour drive to Columbus, IN on Wednesday, we got up early on Thursday morning to head to our morning appointment at New Song Mission, still a bit overwhelmed that we'd come this far in the process.

After entering the gate, we drove around a long, windy road and took in the beauty of the land all around us, just starting to show a bit of life after the winter.

We drove up to three different houses and ended up parking at the first one, where the students would soon congregate for their daily morning chapel/servant leadership class. They live in the other two houses on the property, and this house is where they do everything school related. 

We were soon greeted out on the front porch as the kids arrived with the houseparents and everyone introduced themselves. There were chairs set up in the living room, where we also saw a game table set off to the side and other games up on the shelf on the mantel. We enjoyed the laid back way the morning started out, and we got to know the girls' houseparents by making a connection over where they used to live in Texas. Then we sat down and participated in their morning review lesson over the armor of God. The kids sat and participated through the whole lesson and answered a lot of questions. It's their first period, and they get graded on their level of participation, I believe. After that, they mingled for a few minutes before going downstairs to begin their classes for the day.  

Mike, David, and I stood around in the kitchen talking with Bob and Lisa (the founders/directors of the mission) while they brewed a pot of coffee. Once the coffee was ready, Mike and David went for a walk around the campus with Bob, while Lisa and I sat at the large kitchen table to talk more in depth about how the school ran. She talked a lot about the role of the teacher and how it overlaps with the houseparent's role. Everyone is part of the team, and it really just felt like one big family. I loved her transparency about the intensity of this job and her need to rely 100% on Christ's strength, but also about the great reward when you are able to disciple these kids to know Christ and find a new way to live. We seemed to connect very well, and when she shared more about their calling and vision to start this school in front of seemingly insurmountable hurdles, their faith and obedience to the call really inspired me. They stepped into it without the money or resources necessary and have watched God provide in amazing ways. Everywhere you look on the campus holds a story of how God orchestrated every detail and provided the means to complete it. 

She gave me a tour of the classroom downstairs, separated by a stairway in the middle to keep the boys' and girls' classrooms separate. It led out onto a patio that overlooked a big pond. All I could think was, "Wow. This could be my new classroom, and this could be the view outside my classroom all day every day." Just the thought of it brought peace to my soul.

We went back inside and talked some more, making more connections, even finding out that we both had worked at Warsaw High School, just at different times. Her as a social worker, me as an ESL instructor/helping teacher. I was able to open up about how God led me here, completely against my will, but how I could not deny that this mission and job opportunity really coincided perfectly with my passions, my education, my unique experiences in life, and my calling. I could definitely see how God has equipped me for it. Her eyes welled up with tears and she said, "You'd be such an answer to prayer."

Bob had to leave and head to Indianapolis for some trainings, and Lisa had to take care of a few things before an 11:00 appointment, so she quickly showed me a large room they had available for us to stay in for the first two months if needed, and then Mike, David, and I were on our own to explore the campus and the grounds. We walked around and took a bunch of pictures, and Mike and David filled me in on the next phases of development scheduled for New Song (that Bob had explained to them as they walked the campus with him.) All around the grounds, you can find plaques with special names of projects completed and Bible verses on them, like Victory Park, Joyful Noise Playground, Faith Lane, etc. (Reminded me a lot of the campus at Dallas Baptist University). Each one like a memorial to how God provided in a God-sized way. 

This is definitely a place where God is at work, and I am a bit overwhelmed at the thought that He is  calling me to be a part of it--and has been equipping me with teaching experiences over the last 19 years since they year they founded the mission and began raising funds for it. It took me back to the study I led ten years ago called Experiencing God, when I learned that rather than pursuing our own path and mission, we should be looking to where God is already at work and be willing to join Him there. 

When I first found out about New Song, I knew that to pursue it would mean dropping my income significantly. With a son in college, I completely resisted. I felt like I would be a fool to even consider doing such a thing. Some day I hoped to be able to walk away from a steady income to be able to pursue full-time ministry, but definitely not while trying to get my son through college. Yet after seeing how uniquely I fit into this ministry (and the timing with Mike's brother wanting him to join him in business), as well as the faith that Bob and Lisa lived out in order to start New Song, I felt like I'd be a fool to walk away and say I couldn't do it. I'd be a fool to not see God's hand in getting me there. 

Mike, David, and I then drove into Columbus to eat at a really cool pizza joint with the most delicious pizza and bread sticks, and we talked more about our experience. Then we went and found a local coffee shop to sit and continue talking. I asked David what he thought (many times), and his words really hit me. "Mom, the writing is on the wall. You just need to read it. You need to stop resisting and finding every reason not to do this." I'm so glad he decided at the last minute to make this trip with us because I greatly value his input and perspective. Just like with Juan's adoption, we had to all be in it together. We also met up with Chrissy's brother, who owns another business that Mike has an opportunity to work with while he and Matt work on building up Matt's business to the next level to be able to employ both of them full-time. The meeting went really well, and I can't deny how God seems to be covering every detail to make this work. 

We went back to Matt and Chrissy's to enjoy the rest of the evening, while I quietly processed all of the events of the day and tried to listen carefully to whatever God wanted to speak to my heart.

I had another interview with New Song's educational consultant via Zoom the next day, and due to spotty internet, I decided to go back to the coffee shop the next day for that meeting. Two interviews over coffee--can't ask for more comfort than that!

The next day we woke up to a colder morning and snow beginning to fall. Funny how a little snow doesn't stop anything in Indiana, while in Texas the whole town might shut down. Lol. 

Chrissy is in a wildlife rehabilitation program, so she's been working hard to rehabilitate three deer through the winter. I opened the camper door, and this little guy was standing there ready to greet me!

Chrissy amazes me with her love and dedication to this new family member, Sully. 

At midday, Chrissy took me to the coffee shop so I could have my zoom interview. It was with a guy who is a Christian school administrator, and he just wanted to know more about my teaching experience and to find out if I could be a good asset to help guide New Song to narrow their vision to become New Song Leadership Academy, to develop a strong curriculum with that purpose, and to help them reach their goal of accreditation. He was so impressed with my wide range of experiences and also with my missional heart. He looked just like a close friend, so I felt very comfortable talking to him, and we connected very well. By the end, he was saying things like, "Rachelle, New Song needs you. If you join us, we will be jumping up and down!"

Once again, I thought, "I'd be a fool to walk away and say I just can't do this." I prayed for clarity and had so many friends from church sending me messages saying they were praying for my clarity. And the answer seemed clearer every hour. 

I also had the chance to connect with an old college friend who happens to pastor a small church in Columbus. I wanted to get his opinion/thoughts on New Song from an outsider's perspective, and he had wonderful things to say about both the director and the ministry. It's also nice to know Mike and I already have an old friend we could connect with in the area. 

We all enjoyed a nice evening with lot of quality family time and conversation. I missed Juan not being with us, though--but honestly, Juan seems more comfortable and connected to my side of the family, while David fits in really well with this side of the family. 

We woke up the next morning to a bitter 14 degrees, so we enjoyed a nice warm breakfast together before we hit the road to come home. We hadn't tried out the other local coffee shop, so we had to stop by and grab our coffee for the road there. Super cool place, but definitely a little more expensive than the first coffee shop.

We also drove by the church that my friend pastors just to say we saw it. 

Rather than drive the 12-14 hours home in one day, we decided to break it up and make a stop in Memphis for the night. We've driving by this huge Bass Pro Shop shaped like a big pyramid many times, so we decided to check it out. Pretty cool place, if you're into that kind of stuff, anyway. We even had dinner in the restaurant downstairs, though we weren't really that impressed with the food for the price. There's an observatory up at the top that overlooks Memphis, but it had already closed for the evening. 

Memphis bridge at night.

I got out my journal and processed things a bit more while we drove there, and I also had another phone call with Bob. But this entry is already too long, so I'll save that for the next post.

 

Spring break adventure

 This last year has brought about a lot of unexpected changes for our family, including a very unexpected adventure we're about to embark upon for spring break. David, Mike and I are hopping in the car early tomorrow morning to make yet another drive up to Indiana. My second trip within this school year, Mike and David's third trip. But this time we're not going any further north than Columbus, IN. 

I still can't believe I'm actually saying this, but we're both looking at potential job opportunities. I never imagined myself ever leaving Texas unless it meant moving to another country, perhaps as a retired couple to work in ministry together. I love the near year round warm weather, or at least the very short winter months mixed with plenty of sunshine and random 70 degree weather days. My sister-in-law, Chrissy, has jokingly tried to get us to move up there for years, and I always laughed her off. Nice place to visit and catch up, but I had no intention of ever moving there.

Even in October when Mike began feeling drawn back after seeing how much help his mom needed in caring for his dad and he asked me to pray about the possibility of moving closer to her, I put my foot down. No. I had a good, secure job working with bilingual children and families from all over Central America. We've been here for almost 19 years, are part of an absolutely amazing church, and our boys are here, not yet launched from the nest. Our house is almost paid off, and we've almost reached our goal of being debt free AND getting the youngest through college. A move up North, a financial security risk, and an interruption to our timeline was NOT on my agenda. Plus, my brother and I moved our parents down here just four years ago to be closer to both of us. How could I turn around and leave? What would that do to them? Just the thought of it made me feel like a traitor to my side of the family. 

But I heard myself loud and clear, and I realized that our marriage is not all about ME and MY agenda or MY timeline. In fact, Mike moved here almost 19 years ago, no questions asked, for me and an opportunity that God opened for me to become a certified bilingual teacher. That move wasn't on anyone's radar, either, but when you see God provide you an opportunity to do something you couldn't have made happen on your own, you take it. 

So I agreed to pray about it, and little did I know, Mike was praying that God would draw me to Indiana on my own if it truly is His will. 

Mike's dad unexpectedly passed away, and Mike and David flew to Indiana on Christmas Day to be with his mom for a surgery, with the plan for Juan and I to follow a week later on New Year's for the funeral. Well, Juan and I didn't make it due to COVID, and Mike's three week planned absence seemed to drag on. My sister-in-law, Chrissy, and I stayed in touch texting and talking quite a bit regarding how our husbands were doing up at their mom's house and how we were doing without them. We had connected on a pretty deep level when we went up in October, and now we also started doing a chronological read through the Bible together, so God was obviously drawing us closer together than we had ever been before. 

On January 6, she texted me about meeting a stranger at the public library and finding out about the Christian children's home  (New Song Mission) they worked at. In their conversation, the stranger just happened to mention that they lost their licensed teacher and were looking for a new one. She immediately thought of me, called them, and got more information on the position. The next morning, she e-mailed it to me. 

At first, I just shrugged it off. It would be a pretty big drop in my pay (though Mike could have potential to make quite a bit more than he does here), so I wasn't interested. Definitely not with a son in college. Two weeks passed, and I realized I should probably at least take the time to open the e-mail and check it out since she went through the trouble of calling and sending me the info. When I did, I couldn't deny that I am very uniquely qualified for the position. Between my degree and experience in ministry, 19 years of experience as a teacher working with at-risk kids, and my personal experience with older child adoption and working with kids from hard backgrounds. As I read more about the organization, I realized that it sounded very much like a missionary teacher, and rather than having to raise support, they would actually pay me. The thought crossed my mind that perhaps this is something God has been preparing and equipping me for. 

Then I thought about how I was already feeling more than ready to leave public school and find a ministry-related job. In fact, I had even made that comment to a fellow teacher who just found out I had a degree in Christian ministries, not in education, and I said, "yeah, and I'm really feeling the need to get back into that area rather than continue to stay in public school." I had also made the comment to two other teacher friends that I didn't know if I wanted to stay in the classroom for another ten years until I can retire. Funny, I'd been perfectly happy in the classroom up until COVID happened. But last year killed my joy and the stress debilitated me. I hoped this year would be better now that we weren't trying to teach students online and in person at the same time, but the strong push for academic remediation over mental health just isn't ethical anymore. I know that if I have an opportunity to do something else, I need to take it--for my own physical and mental health. 

So, I sent an e-mail to the school/children's home director with a little information about myself and just asked if this position will even still be open next fall. The guy responded right away and told me he hoped to have several candidates by March. He asked if I had a chance to talk during the school day between 10:15-2:15. Well, I'm a teacher. Of course I didn't have time. And even when I do have a break during the day, I usually need every second of it and more to get what I need to get done. But guess what? We conveniently had an ice storm predicted, so they canceled school ahead of time. So I guess I did have time to talk during the school day, after all. 

The phone call went well, and they said they'd like to start the interview process with me if I was committed to move to Indiana. I said I'd need a couple weeks to pray about it and talk with a few friends and mentors. I shared with ONE friend and asked her to pray with me about it. I shared with a few other people that I was considering a career change and could use prayers for wisdom. As I took some time to really pray about it myself, God led me to two different verses. The first one was from Psalm 23, from a prayer that I pray every single day. "I need rest in green pastures and refreshment from still waters. Lead me there and I will follow." New Song is located on 100 acres of scenic land, specifically with green pastures and still waters. Hmmm. Then I turned the page in another prayer book I had, and there was the verse, "Psalm 40:3--He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord." I must admit, the pull feels pretty strong. 

I waited until I could seek wise counsel, and then I decided to set up an interview. However, I had parent conferences going on at school, so I could NOT take time out of my day or even take time off. They could not do an interview during the evening hours, either. But guess what? We had another ice storm and canceled school again. So exactly two Thursdays after the last phone call, I had a zoom interview (the first of three). Things went really well and seemed very encouraging on both sides. We decided we'd set up the next interview over my spring break. 

Mike and I decided that we wouldn't feel confident about anything unless we could see the school and the property and meet the staff in person, so we planned a very quick trip up there during spring break to do just that. Tomorrow we will drive up there, and Thursday morning we will join them for chapel as they start out a normal day at New Song Mission, and then we will spend an hour or so talking more with the director and his wife after that. 

I'm excited to see how God keeps leading, but I will admit it terrifies me at the same time. I felt like a traitor breaking the news to my family here in Texas, but I feel so selfish when I think about Mike's side of the family and how much they would love for us to be close to them again. He'll never get the last 19 years back that he lived so far from and out of touch with his dad, but he can recover some of that loss still with his mom, brothers, and nieces and nephews. I am excited about a possibility of growing closer with Chrissy and diving into Bible study together, but I would also grieve the loss of my church and Bible study friends here that I've grown so close to over the years. I am excited about the possibility of working in a Christian environment and being able to teach with Christ at the center of everything, but I would miss working with bilingual children from so many different countries every year.  I am excited about the chance to be surrounded by so much nature, an environment that makes me thrive, but I would miss the year round warmth that Texas gives. I am excited about the sense of newness and adventure that Mike and I would experience together, but I can't even imagine being so far from both of my boys. 

I can't say for sure what this Thursday will bring. I am hoping that it will give us all clarity of whether or not we're supposed to move forward. I will admit that I'm very torn, which is why I haven't shared much at all with anyone up until this point. I have spent a lot of time just praying and seeking wisdom and guidance. But it really seems like God just keeps on guiding in this direction and softening my heart to the idea.  The idea of moving has been on the table since October, but New Song Mission has only been part of the puzzle since the first week of January, so it's been on my heart and mind for almost exactly two months. So, it may seem like it's out of the blue, but I'm hoping this blog helps explain how it all came about. If New Song is not the place for me, then I still have a husband with an opportunity that I can't ignore. So I still need all the prayers for wisdom I can get.