I've been married to my husband, Michael, for almost 25 years. I'm a mom to a biological son and an adopted son from Colombia, and I'm also a spiritual mom to my adopted son's older brother, who I claim as a son in my heart. I'm bilingual and love to work with and relate to Spanish-speaking children and families. I've been a teacher to students from all sorts of backgrounds and cultures for the last 20+ years. I'm also an author and a certified Biblical counselor. I'm in a new empty nest season in a new location far from where I raised my boys, so I'm definitely in a stage of rediscovering myself, my interests, and my purpose.
I love spring, and I love May. There's always a lot to celebrate. I love the sunshine and the flowers blooming. This May seemed to be a bit backwards, though, bringing with it a lot of rain showers. So I've had to be intentional about soaking up every bit of sunshine I can.
May has been filled with endless testing on our end of year calendar, but I love that without a single mention on the calendar, several of us woke up on May the 5th and wore our special Mexican attire for Cinco de mayo. It's kind-of an unwritten tradition that we just do at our school every year, and I love that we all just showed up dressed very similar without any prompting or reminders. Of course, when we ran into each other in the hallway, we had to pose for a pic!
The first week of May is usually a fun week of surprises for Teacher Appreciation Week, but COVID has really put a damper on that the last two years, and our students' families have taken quite a hit in so many areas of life that they just can't afford to do many extras these days. A student brought me rose scented hand soap, while another brought me flowers, and another brought me a picture holder. Our administrators grilled burgers for us, and our cafeteria staff provided donuts and breakfast biscuits. And I made sure to get my free chicken sandwich from Chick Fil-A!
I finally got that heart monitor off and sent back after having it attached to me for 30 days straight. The initial summary didn't seem to show any huge concerns, but I don't meet with the cardiologist until the end of the month to go over all of my testing that I've had done over the last month. Thankfully they finally got me on the right dose of meds to keep me functioning and sane. I'm also glad to not have that one extra thing to keep up with, between keeping both the censor and the monitor charged, and making sure I had the monitor within 30 feet of me at all times. Now comes the fun part of paying for it all.
Juan had other plans on Mother's Day, so he took me out for a Mother's Day brunch the day before. We had a nice time together just talking about life. I always appreciate the way he appreciates time with me.
After the brunch, I headed to DBU to pack up the majority of David's things to bring back home, leaving only the essentials that he would bring home later in the week after his last final. Kind-of bittersweet to move a second son out of Lange Hall after completing their freshman year at DBU.
After getting David, we came home and then went to church together. That night we had a special treat for Mothers with Beth Moore speaking about our most important maternal role as praying for our children (and any spiritual children we are involved with) to bear fruit. Her message was a good reminder of what matters more than anything and set a theme for this month of being a prayer warrior for my children and all those who are in my circle of influence. While sitting behind my son and his girlfriend and watching them worship Christ together, I received that picture as a Mother's Day gift, an answer to years of praying for my son to grow into a godly man.
Both Mike and David had to work on Mother's Day the next day, so we went out on a double date after church with David and his sweet girlfriend to celebrate Mother's Day, and also their 6 month anniversary as a couple. She is a delight to have in our lives.
David went back to DBU that night in order to work the next morning, and Mike got up early to go to work on Sunday, as well. But he left this on the kitchen table for me. :)
With everyone gone for the day, I headed on over to eat lunch and spend the afternoon with my own mother. We exchanged Mother's Day and birthday gifts, and my dad cooked steak on the grill. We had a really nice lunch together, and we made candles together of our favorite scents (hers, lavender; mine, blueberry).
David took this silly pic the night before, and I loved finding it on his instagram page in the late afternoon on Mother's Day. Love him.
Two days later, I celebrated my 44th birthday. I woke up to an encouraging card from my grandmother and a gift card to go out to eat from a dear friend. I started my morning outside on my back porch with my fireplace heater and my kitty, and my coffee (which sadly is still decaf until all my heart rate issues are figured out).
When I came inside, I opened my gifts from Mike since he had to work till close in the evening and wouldn't be around when I got home from work. I absolutely love the purple shirt and felt that it went very well with Beth Moore's Mother's Day message.
My mom got me this perfect little caddy for my colored pencils, which I happen to use quite often when I just need to chill and take a break from my never ending school work this year. I also found out that introverts like me really enjoy coloring because it is a way for our brains to relax and refocus.
I got to school and found this on my computer from one of my closest friends that works with me.
Since Mike was going to be working, and Juan wasn't coming home until later, (and it was pouring down rain), I used the gift card to buy myself a nice birthday dinner at Chick Fil-A. I will admit, though, that I was sorely disappointed to eat my birthday dinner alone, but I didn't feel like calling anyone or trying to meet up with anyone because it was pouring down rain as I tearfully sat in the drive through. I was pretty bummed. (I was also bummed because my students had to test all day long, so we didn't get to do anything fun to celebrate.)
So while I sat at home eating my birthday dinner alone (and texting my mom), I got a text saying a delivery was coming from Tiff's Treats within the hour. I really had no idea who sent it or what it might be. So I waited. And while I waited a package arrived at the door. But it was for David, not me. I texted David to say a package arrived for him, and he told me to open it. I was so excited to open up new things I'd been wanting for my bike. :) My day was starting to get a little brighter, and the sun actually started to shine, too!
While I got my bike set up, my delivery from Tiff's treats came, a dozen fresh, warm cookies from one of my closest friends. But the card attached truly warmed my heart.
How did she know the theme of a prayer warrior that God was sending me in various ways this week?
Shortly after my cookies came, Juan came home, and we went out for a special treat together.
Instead of strawberry pie, I had strawberry crepes. Just as delicious, and a meaningful time again with my son. And then when we got home, I got another sweet treat, a phonecall with Julian. We haven't talked on the phone since my last birthday, but I love how he always remembers me and how deep our connection is to each other. Love him and miss him like crazy. I sure hope someday I can get back to Buenos Aires to see him.
The next day, I wore my new shirt that my mom got me for my birthday. :) It's not my cat, but it looks just like her!
So, May's been filled with a lot of rainy days (with an entire week of rain ahead of us), but I hold on to these moments of sunshine, joyful in hope for more sunshine to come.
Looking forward to summer days to clear my mind and color new pages in my most recent garage sale find.
There's a battlefield in my mind. That's where I spend my time lately, especially over the last six months to a year. I seem to require a whole lot more alone time to sort out my thoughts and recharge.
So here I am, sitting outside on a beautiful Sunday morning, watching the sun rise, feeling its heat as it shines on my skin. I listen to the birds and am fascinated with their intricate design and color, evidence of a creative God.
And my mind finally starts to rest. I miss these mornings that found themselves in abundance a year ago when COVID forced us all to work from home. I soaked them up and spent so much quality time with God, not knowing what the future held and how long we'd have to fight to survive this pandemic.
With the global shut down came a natural reset, and coming out of the shutdown meant coming into a world we didn't recognize. A world with masks, with social distancing, with virtual learning opportunities in every area of life. Also a world full of loss, anxiety, and mental illness brought on by months of isolation and separation. When the world began to open up, we found ourselves having to navigate through change at every turn.
Education looked entirely different than anything we've ever seen before, and the stress mounted on teachers and parents did no one any good. Managing a class of 20 second graders both online and in person simultaneously mentally challenged me this year more than any other year in my eighteen years in education. Add to that all the health issues I've faced due to COVID and post COVID syndrome, all the extra absences and planning for substitutes, plus ongoing personal issues, my mind just can't seem to rest.
I look forward to summer quickly approaching in order to give my mind the break it needs from this battlefield, though I tear up at the thought of closing out the year with those 20 second graders that I've grown to love very dearly. Some of them spent their first year of school with me in Pre-K and now another year with me currently, and it saddens me to know they didn't get the best of me the second time around. Every day that I battle to teach on both sides of the screen, I feel so defeated, knowing this isn't how we're supposed to learn. We lost so much rich discussion, and my lessons barely touched the surface, losing depth and conversation that normally happens naturally. I hate that, and I grieve the fact that I had to resort to computer programs to teach them on their own level because there's no way I could fill in so many gaps and inconsistencies as just one teacher.
When the nurse from my cardiologist called in the middle of one of those disastrous virtual class times to tell me I needed to come back in for further testing, I had two choices. Let my anxiety get the better of me, or just give up and let God carry me. Okay, so I chose a little bit of both. My blood pressure rose over the following 24 hours, while my prayer warriors starting praying for me.
My normal prayer warriors that I always go to for prayer. And new ones that I just met over the last few months in two groups my husband and I recently joined at church.
By the time I went in for my test, my blood pressure finally came back down to numbers I hadn't seen in several months, and while walking on the treadmill in the cardiologist's office, I felt empowered and strengthened, not only physically, but in my spirit. I felt like God was right there, cheering me on, as I walked, and I felt courage to laugh in the face of my enemy and let him know that God prepared a table for me and would dine with me right in front of him. He was about to go down, and God was about to show up big in my life.
I could see clearly, and I saw blessings all around me. Time to finish up paperwork that had cluttered my mind, a clear head, new jeans passed on from a friend who didn't know mine had just ripped, a new hot pink backpack I found at a garage sale for a dollar after I'd just thrown my old one away, a free cubby unit after I'd just had an itch to organize a closet, hot pink things to get me excited about actually setting up my classroom next year (pink is my happy color), a call from a good friend (my biggest writing support) giving me new writing opportunities after I'd just shared with my husband about a prompting to write for ministry again, a deepening bond with the ladies in a new couples' group after I left my previous' ladies' group to join a group with my husband, a published book of poems that my students and I wrote and illustrated together during an incredibly stressful month, a class that said our book signing celebration was the best day ever, the privilege to cross paths this year with the most unsuspecting person in the most unsuspecting way to connect them to a ministry opportunity in Colombia this summer, a text from a writer friend wanting to pray for me in a specific way, etc. I could go on and on.
The chaos didn't go away. I'm still dealing with health issues, though they seem to finally be stabilizing. School is still an insanity, though I am finding joy in teaching again, a direct answer to my husband's prayer for me. I still have a ton of medical bills piling up, though God gave me peace about even that and granted me time, clarity, and the needed support from my cardiologist to construct an appeal to the insurance company. I'm still growing and learning through some personal issues, though God closed doors in order to lead our family to just the right people and resources to encourage us through them.
He's showing me that new things are on the horizon, and that He sees the smallest details of my life and hears my heart, even to show me that He saw me throw away that old back pack and saw the tear forming in my favorite jeans. He led me right to someone selling a backpack in my favorite color, and he brought me to someone's mind who had jeans just my size. He saw the text I sent to one of my closest friends thanking her for being my prayer warrior, and the next moment I received a group text from a brand new friend telling us that we are warriors and that she was praying for us.
Yes, my plate is still overwhelmingly full. But my cup is beginning to overflow, reminding me of my purpose to stay connected to others and let God's love pour onto them through me. We are made for community and relationships, as God uses each of us to touch and impact each other in ways we can't imagine.
Today I'm so thankful for spring, for the warm sunshine and the beautiful birds, both of which helped me give my mind a break. I'm thankful for watercolors that helped me focus and reign my attention in to what matters. I'm thankful for an intimate God who just keeps on coming through.
