Less than three months into the new year, I sent my students home for spring break after a fun Friday together, not knowing it would be our last Friday together in a physical classroom. After an extended spring break, we finished out the year having class virtually out on my front porch via computer cameras and in their living rooms, kitchens, and bedrooms. Our morning meetings became daily videos that I made for them to tell them how proud I was of them for their dedication to learn and how much I loved them. Rather than making copies and attending way too many meetings, I spent my time learning how to run a Google Meet, how to make digital assignments, and how to navigate through Google. Who in their wildest dreams could have imagined what the last part of the school year would look like?
Rather than riding a bike on virtual trails at the local gym I just joined, I rode on 10-20 mile bike rides all over town with David in the middle of the day, taking breaks often to check my phone for assignments or student communication coming in.
Rather than attending church as a family in our close to the front row seats every Saturday night, we watched church online from our couch and then attended our Life Group via Zoom meetings on the computer.
Rather than hanging out with my mom doing crafts and going to thrift stores, we had to find out door locations to sit socially distanced with masks on in order to at least still "see" each other in person.
Rather than having a graduation ceremony with several family members in the auditorium at David's high school on the last day of school, we traveled to Arlington a month later without any extra family present to watch him graduate outdoors in a large baseball stadium so everyone could properly socially distance.
Rather than teaching a Bible study at church on Thursday mornings through the summer in an intimate setting, I met with the ladies on my computer from my bedroom.
Rather than going on mission trips to Africa and the Rio Valley in Texas, David worked outside in the drive through at Chick Fil-A, whose indoor seating/lobby had to close and still has not reopened.
Rather than starting a normal year at college, David's classes at DBU took on a hybrid approach, with only half the class attending at one time with the other half attending online. Kids are sent home to quarantine all the time as soon as they find out they've been exposed to someone with COVID or they themselves have symptoms of COVID, keeping life and plans constantly up in the air.
Rather than taking a vacation this summer, we rode our bikes and explored all the treasures right around us. As much as I love to travel and see the world, I found pleasure right where I am.
Rather than running ragged, I spent a lot of time just reading and writing this last year. And becoming more familiar with technology.
We lost our ability to plan ahead, as the threat of COVID remains every time we leave our home or interact with someone who doesn't live with us. We lost our sense of normalcy. We personally lost a close friend unexpectedly (not COVID related), while many others have lost close friends and family members to the virus or had their lives completely changed by it due to hospitalization and lingering physical effects. We lost our weekly church routine and connection first to the pandemic, then to a decision to stop our Saturday night service at our local campus. We lost all of our expectations about school and work, including the ability to hug our students goodbye and send them on to the next grade, several of whom stayed virtual this year, so we haven't been able to see them since. We lost the expectation of having our class all together in one physical location as we started a new year and the ability to keep our kids progressing academically at the rate we are used to.
When I asked God for a word and He gave me the word RELEASE, He wasn't kidding around. Every time I faced another loss, I just whispered the word RELEASE and remembered that God knew it was coming.
So about a week or so ago, I began to wonder what word He'd give me for 2021. I definitely didn't want to choose a word on my own, so I asked God to give me my new word. I even wrote the request for my 2021 word on my daily prayer list. I found a few words that I thought might be it, even taking a quiz on Facebook to give me my word for the year. But I knew God would make my word clear to me at just the right time.
We didn't have physical church on Saturday night, but our pastor and his wife did a live video to share a short message together. They talked about how the year 2020 could possibly have been a year of preparation, getting us ready to see Him do something completely new.
Isaiah 43:18-19
18
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
Don't dwell on what life used to look like or what you thought it was supposed to look like. Something new is happening. Something new is coming.
When Pastor Josh then said, "We've got to RELEASE in order to RECEIVE," I heard God give me my new word.
I couldn't RECEIVE whatever God has for me without RELEASING all of my expectations of the past. Whatever new thing is coming could not have been possible if life had continued the same and I hadn't let go of what life used to look like.
My mom recently gave me some of my old blog posts that she'd printed out over ten years ago when our first adoption attempt crumbled. My words are rather haunting....and humbling.
"I know there is a greater purpose, and that God will do more than we could ever ask or imagine for our family, and for Juan David, Laura, and Julian....this was a necessary part of His plan--for us and for them.....One day we will see what all of this has been for.....Only God knows what's around the bend."
So, as I opened my tightly held fist a year ago to RELEASE what I never could have imagined I would need to release, this year I walk into the new year with my hands open wide, ready to RECEIVE something completely new.
