The highest compliment

A few months back, Priscilla Shirer spoke at one of our church's online services on Elijah. She talked specifically about how God led him to a brook, away from the chaos of life, to refresh him. And in that time of "quarantine", God sustained him in a very surprising way, with a raven--the most unlikely of birds. Her point in the message was that we should expect God to surprise us. And when we expect Him to, our spiritual senses are awake and are searching out those surprises. 

Ever since then, I have added one more request to my daily prayer journal. "God, surprise me today."

And almost every day, He does. 

Sometimes it's a compliment from another teacher. Other times it's a small gift from a friend. Finding something I needed to buy at a great price. Connecting with an old friend. Margin in my schedule that helped me make time for someone in need. A bag of clothes from a friend cleaning out her closet. A quick visit with my son. A gift card to Starbucks. A great conversation. Clarity of thought. An answer to a specific prayer.

Last week, I gave my kids a scavenger hunt type of assignment where they had to write, draw, or take a picture of things in a certain category. Like something that makes a beautiful noise, something that's useful, something that's their favorite color. One particular category was: Something that makes you feel safe. I noticed some kids were drawing their house or their family. Then one little boy came up to me with his computer and said, "Teacher, can I take a picture of you? You make me feel safe."

I smiled for his picture while my heart just melted. In that moment, I heard God say, "That's your surprise for today."

To be honest, I don't feel safe at school right now--not during this pandemic. The more the classes fill up, the harder it is to keep kids socially distant. Plus they keep making it in past the daily screener and somehow end up in my room with runny noses, headaches, sore throats, and coughs. If they're running a fever, they get sent home, If they're not, I'm stuck with them in my room, all day, with 14 other students, behind closed doors. They share their stories every day about going over to friends' houses, attending birthday parties without masks on, or having cousins over. And every story I read, I cringe just a little bit more. 

Then when the district adds more and more to our plate as if we aren't already stretched thin, the stress doesn't help my immune system. 

I've become the grouchy COVID police, constantly griping at my kids for getting too close to one another, constantly backing up when they get too close to me. Whether it's due to my own paranoia or not, I tell them my job is to keep them as safe as I can.

When that little boy asked to take my picture, I realized that my job is to keep kids as safe as I can, but my mission is to make kids feel as safe as I can. He truly paid me the highest compliment a student has ever given me. One that I will tuck inside my heart to pull out from time to time as discouragement rises. A reminder that God has me in school during a pandemic not just to do my job, but to fulfill a mission. 

To be a safe person, someone's safe place.

Displays of gratitude

I love and hate teaching in November. I hate it because I'm just plain worn out by the time November rolls around (and this year's worn out far exceeds any other year). But I love it because I love getting kids to focus on gratitude. Last year my kids wrote gratitude lists that I posted on our "gratitude wall", lists that filled my heart to see just how thankful seven-year-olds really are. This year, my kids took our gratitude displays to a whole new level.

Since we teach via a dual in-person/virtual format, all of my kids now have a technology device issued to them, meaning we no longer have to share ten ipads and three chrome books between 44 kids. In order to keep preparation as easy as is humanly possible to teach in both formats, we use their technology device for absolutely every assignment in some way. Even if they did it with paper and pencil, they still take a picture or make a video of it to turn it in to the digital classroom. The more comfortable they get with their device, the more confident they become and eager to take risks to share their learning in new ways. What once looked like a boring worksheet suddenly comes to life with color, voice, and animation. Where once my kids gave me the minimal amount of effort, they are suddenly taking their work home to enhance it, hoping that I will now publish it on our class blog (our digital hallway bulletin board). 

This year I gave them a different gratitude activity to do each day. Monday they wrote a letter of gratitude to someone. Tuesday they made gratitude jars and filled them with strips of paper with things they were grateful for written on them. Wednesday they made a Thankful Mat. Thursday they did a Gratitude scavenger hunt page, and Friday we shared. These digital worksheets came back with colorful words both typed and written, pictures, and even embedded videos that they made at home. They recorded themselves reading all the things they were thankful for with such pride and confidence in their voices. They truly warmed my heart as I listened to them. 

On the day we made the gratitude jars (that I unfortunately had to rush them through), I noticed a little girl going all around the room at the end of the day writing all of her classmates names on her little strips of paper. That night, she went home, pulled her puppy up close to her, and made a video of herself pulling out every strip of paper from her gratitude jar and stating, "I am thankful for....." while reading off every name in the class. It touched my heart deeply and made me realize just how much voice we've given these kids with technology. Yes, it can cause a lor of issues and make things take twice as long, but it gives them so much more choice as to how they want to present an assignment and it opens up the door to so much more creativity. 

I'm beyond frustrated with the workload put on teachers right now, systems that expect us to create a whole new way of learning but still evaluate us with the old rubric. If you could just take away the old rubric and celebrate all the incredible innovation, creativity, and determination happening, we might see that education is being transformed for the better. My kids showed me that this last week, and they continue to show me as I periodically check for more assignments coming in, and I keep finding more videos like the one I just mentioned or more positive, encouraging comments that they're making on each other's projects. It's a whole new sense of community as a class, including the ones that never step foot in the actual classroom. Today, I'm thankful for these precious students in my life and the privilege to teach them in this new way of learning. 

Grieving for each and every one

 

How sickening to know how many defend this as a choice. 

Resting. Recharing. Refilling. Reflecting.

Not gonna lie. I'm wiped out. 

Between a month of family birthdays, a time change (that gets me every time), and working under the absolutely unrealistic  demands of teaching in late 2020, I am exhausted. So here I am, my first official morning of Thanksgiving break, focusing on recovery. Taking it slow and easy for the day. Embracing the quiet solitude and silence as my boys sleep the morning away. Listening to  quiet little kitten paws running across the floor. Sipping on a second cup of coffee that I can actually drink while it's still hot and while I don't have a mask on. 

I heard on the radio not too long ago about what it really means to rest. Many times we think resting is sleeping, watching movies, lounging around doing mindless activities that require little to no physical or mental effort. But in reality, resting means giving your mind and body a chance to recharge and refuel. As tired and depleted as I am, I hope to spend this restful holiday finding things that will fill me. I am realizing more and more that I cannot give from an empty cup.

I hope to write some poetry about things that have captured my heart lately but I have not had time to write them down or process them. I hope to catch up on a few late blog entries to document life over the last month. I have plans to make a virtual craft and do virtual tea with my mom to keep up with our Black Friday tradition, and I think I'll be doing most of my Christmas shopping online. And I hope to catch up with a friend or two over a socially distanced coffee date. Add to that a family Thanksgiving at home for the first time ever, I believe, due to our caution to not catch or spread COVID among outside family members. I'm still thinking about how to creatively make it a meaningful, cherished holiday in a virtual, socially distanced way. Everything looks and feels different this year, but that doesn't mean it can't still be special. 

Here are some pics of our last few weekends filled with birthdays. Starting on Halloween to celebrate Mike, then the following weekend to celebrate Juan's 23rd birthday, and then a week later to celebrate David's 19th birthday. We've never been real big about parties and celebrations, as we've always kept our birthdays pretty low key with some kind of family outting and dinner for just the four of us. The few times we've attempted a bigger celebration, I don't know that any of us really felt comfortable. It's just not our personality. So I was really touched by David's initiative to ask off work in order to come home for all three weekends. Those intimate family outtings really mean something to him. I sure have enjoyed seeing him a bit more. I have a feeling next semester might not bring him home as much, so I will soak up the time with him now.